I need to vent!!!!!!!

1) I am here at home. It is 7:22 AM. I need to go to work. She said she would be here at 6:30! She is not answering her phone!!!

2) I called her cell (for which I a still paying--not fo long). I checked the voice mail and here is what I heard.
-Her friend from the methadone clinic inviting her over to get "drunk as sh--"
-Some guy who says he can hook her up "with some killer sh-- that will blow your f---ing mind"

3) I am seeing my attorney today to go over separation paper. I want to call WS and tell her that am going to petition to have her declared an unfit mother and request sole custody.

She is a lying, cheating, $$#%^(@*#&$^$ !!!!!!!!

Thanks...I feel better now

Pete

I hope you can tape-record that message and file for an emergency custody order through your lawyer.

I'm so sorry you had to hear that crud. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Absolutely tape it. I, too, am sorry you are dealing with this. But, you know what you have to do. Even if she shows up - you can't leave the kids with her. Cut off the cell phone today (if you are paying for it).
Sometimes people have to completely bottom out before any change occurs - sometimes they just stay at the bottom. Whichever happens for her is out of your control. She is on a spiral and is obviously in tremendous pain if she is going to these lengths to try and numb it. But, you can't save her from herself. You can only save yourself and your kids.
Good luck. Please post an update.

I don't know your situation, but if your wife is in recovery from an addiction, is it al all possible that she didn't invite these "friends" to call?

If the cell # is the same now as it was when she was using, maybe she should change it.

Of course, if you have reason to believe that she is voluntarily continuing contact with these folks, that' a different situation!

Sorry she is late! Must be very frustrating!

BW

Pete,

Protect you and the kids. Don't let her stay with the kids, find another alternative. Your wife has some rough times ahead of her. She's not at her bottom yet. I strongly suggest Alanon. Even if you just start with the big blue book (can't remember the name off hand but can be found on line)

We are in very similar situations, but my WH doesn't live at home. He's only been here less than a week this whole year. It's a blessing at this point because of his lies, cheating, addictions, his lack of concern and care for me or the kids.

I prayed and have others praying for me on a regular basis. In one of my quiet times sitting with God, I heard " Let ME deal with him" and another time, "Let Go, there's more"

Pete, stay calm be detatched but with love. I know it hurts like H&** but she doesnt make up your self esteem or self worth or make you any less of a man. You are who you are, no matter what she does.

God Bless,

D.

Pete,

In my not so humble opinion, you've been given good advice. I just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.

Hang in there.

That which does not kill us, makes us strong.

Pete

Remember these dealers are also "selling" and need to sell their wares. They may in deed have had her number.

Do believe you should tape that, but proceed cautiously. What are your initial goals? Above all protection and happiness of kids, Help for your W and a release from her problem, and restoration of your M if able.

Maybe you should calmly let W know that you are aware of her relationships that she may have had with this dealer, friend etc without showing any severe judgemental type thing. Tell her calmly that if she is doing that behaviour and not actively continuing recovery process what you will have to do. Be loving but tough. That way if she says that she didn't want them to call, then you may have a bit of greater insight. I believe however, until she is recovered, little or no time with kids. Not good for the kids period. But she should know that her recovery is for that, so the kids will have a full and loving relationship w/her.

These other people

Sirry accidentally hit send button

These other people WANT YOUR WIFE TO FAIL IN RECOVERY. They do not make $$$ unless she wants to continue those habits. It is a business to them and they don't care who or what stands in the way of them bringing home the money.

Fight the good fight and remember HATE THE SIN, NOT THE SINNER. I want and am praying for you guys and want healing and God's path here. Just do your best. Coming down too hard on her now may just send her permanently the other way and that would not be best for your kids. You can't even consider having a W back until she is clean and sober and kicked the habit. Fight the war against that, the DRUGS NOT HER. But make wise choices and present to her those choices in kind but loving manner.

It is sooo hard but try.

All:

Thanks for the support!!

Peachy in GA:

This is the second call I intercepted from the guy to STBX. When I asked her, she said her friend (from the methadone clinc--more on that in a min.) made the call. I said the guy asked for you in the voice mail. She kept saying it was meant for her friend.

I see her on a down slope where she does not want to get off of. She called me up last night when I was watching a movie with my boys (we were watching a karate flick "Iron Monkey", we laughed at the subtitles!). Anyway, she told me she did not have a place to sleep again because her friend and her STBXH were having a blow out (they are both in affairs, alcohol, drugs, and with two little kids, they changed their phone to dodge creditors--you get the picture).

She then acted upset because she was out of money and gas. I said she could stay at the house. She said thanks but needed $ for gas. I transferred some $ to her ATM and let her know. Well, after the movie, I was taking a shower then realized: "Crap, she just played me!!!" She knows I have a soft heart and she is very manipulative.

I called her and said "You were never planning on coming over, and I bet Chrissy was never in an argument." She said she was not coming over and how dare that I think she is lying. I said please do not call anymore and hung up. She called back (now it is 11:30 PM). I let the answering machine pick it up. She kept saying on the answering machine she wanted to say something. So I picked up the phone and said "What?" She said she promises to pay the $ back. I told her I did not want her to call because I was trying to enjoy my grown-up movie ("Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels").

I need to make sure from now on I put up an emotional barrier with her. She is a master of playing my emotions.

You all here warned me, but it happened again.

I guess it's true that nice guys do finish last and get the shaft if they are not very careful.

Thanks again for listening!

Pete