Help - I am in the middle of plan A - I am trying to show him how much I want to reconcile , I have told him that I want to meet his emotional needs - We have discussed what could have possibly gone wrong in our relationship - I thought he was coming around, we even had sex, but this morning he started to talk about when I will move out , what items I will take - how we will split the financial responsibilities in the home until I find a place of my own. What do I do? I know it has only been 10 days, but I am loosing hope - my stepson (who will be staying with his father and who is the reason that I am moving out rather than my husband) is very disturbed by all this. How can I keep on going?

Dear Mumu,<P>I'm facing a similar situation. My husband is in the process of moving out -- a little bit at a time it seems. Last week we were communicating and I had some hope that things were going to get better -- and we, too, had sex. But now, he seems to be more withdrawn and determined that he is going to leave and he wants it over.<P>From what I am gathering here at MB, it is best to "go along" with his wish to separate -- remember, no LBs. It's hard, I know, I'm struggling with it too. If you haven't started Plan A, do so right away. The hardest part is that if he wants to go, you have to let him. In a nutshell, Plan A involves making changes in YOU, opening your heart to him, letting yourself be somewhat vulnerable (but not a doormat!), and SHOWING him how much you love him and are willing to work things out. It has a way of getting him to let down his defenses and let the love come in -- little by little. It's hard, it can take a LONG time and there is no guarantee. Right now, I'm clinging to the hope that it WILL work.<P>You say he's wanting you to move out -- is there any negotiation to that? Is it possible that he moves out rather than you? Financially, it is usually more feasible for him to do so. <P>My counselor has told me that my H behavior signals that he wants to split, but he doesn't have the guts to file for divorce himself. He keeps away, says mean things, cheated (one night), and expresses intolerance for my children (although that's not entirely founded in fact -- he says it because he knows it's a soft spot for me and a way to drive me away). All this is his way of trying to get me to bail first. What he may not know is that I have no intention of bailing. I'm going to hang in there and Plan A my a** off. My counselor said he probably won't go too far too fast, so I have time. There are no guarantees, but I'm giving it all I've got.<P>Hang tough! God Bless, KristyAnn

Have you ever heard the saying, let it go, if it returns then it was meant to be. Boo, you have to let go if this is what he wants. You can not make a man want you, regardless how much you want him to, or how much you try. Yes, it hurts when they want to separate, but what can you do about it. I do think it was a bad idea to have sex with him, because that is the power he has over you that he still can use you for that reason whether you are together or apart. Move out, as odd as it sounds. Move on, as hard as it may be. If it was meant for him to be yours, he will be...<P>------------------<BR>E.D.C

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by faddyboo:<BR><B>Have you ever heard the saying, let it go, if it returns then it was meant to be. Boo, you have to let go if this is what he wants. You can not make a man want you, regardless how much you want him to, or how much you try. Yes, it hurts when they want to separate, but what can you do about it. I do think it was a bad idea to have sex with him, because that is the power he has over you that he still can use you for that reason whether you are together or apart. Move out, as odd as it sounds. Move on, as hard as it may be. If it was meant for him to be yours, he will be...<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Faddyboo:<P>thanks for the advice. I had already told him right away that I would move out - I am not staying here to spite him. I did tell him though that I needed time to find a new place and that there were some legal/financial issues that we would have to deal with first. I am not trying to hold on at all costs. Contrary to general belief - I do still love my husband and I want him to be happy. Knowing he does not love me anymore hurts - but knowing that he may consider me an enemy hurts even more. <P>

mumu<P>What you said about being seen as the enemy hits home with me. It totally confuses me what could get her to treat me with such meaness after she left. <P>In my case, I may be shadow boxing when I believe what I have done and will do in Plan A is going to have any effect, but I think it is what I need to do if for no other reason than to know that I tried!!<P>rrunrr<P><BR>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.<P>Never take trust for granted.<p>[This message has been edited by rrunrr (edited August 26, 2000).]