I was IM'ing with stbx, trying to get a webcam set up so he could see the kids when he told me he is on his own now. How the HECK am I supposed to feel about that?????

Hi Jacques...

How predictable... they (the Harley's) say it never lasts more than two years! But gosh, the collateral damage done in the meantime is astronomical!

So, how do you feel about it?

Ciao,
Nicole

hi, jack!..........I am IMing you now........how ya doin'?

Well, thanks for stopping by you two....

I got caught unawares. Stbx and OW had me believing they were just so perfect together that it was worth losing everything over. Apparently not.

After a big discussion with each of you OS and VB, I don't think all that much has changed, at least for me. I will still be keeping my distance from stbx, and still go on as I have for the past year or so.

I am stunned that he actually TOLD me they had split, and also a few things that indicated remorse. I never thought I would hear that from him.

Anyone else who has been in this boat? I do not actually want to reconcile with him now, too much water under the bridge. But it is just the WIERDEST feeling!!! I am in the Twilight Zone...every time things are going really well, something ELSE comes along.

Love and light peoples!

Jacky

damn!

and i had given up on him from my original posts that he will be returning someday. . .

are you sure he is telling the truth?

Will he be returning home to Oz?

yep, now he is going to become an international man of mystery, not knowing what the heck to do. . .

damn, your legal system is just too slow!

wiftty

Jacky,

My Ex has had second thoughts also. She and her beau broke up a few weeks ago. She has really put on a show in the last few weeks. I, like you, don't want to reconcile either, at least not at this time. She claims that she needs help and is willing to do anything to "Keep our family together" (Where was that thought in the last year?) I'm not saying that we won't get back together someday but what I am telling you is that she has a lot to prove. Talk is cheap!
I'm willing to open my mind and see what she has to offer and see if she is serious but I will be very careful about opening my heart to her for a long time. I guess what I am saying is that she has more work to do than I think she is willing to. But who knows, I'll just sit back and watch.

Jacky,

Wow! I just came on and I am stunned, I just can't imagine your feelings right now.

That'll teach me to IM more lately...I just signed in, but you are off...

Anyway, I wanted to ask you some questions.

Did he say why?

My thoughts are, she caught him cheating or she was cheating and left him for the other male.

Jacky, it sounds like a blessing, even if you don't want him back, because now OW is out of your hair and out of your children's lives.

Take care and I hope we can talk later.

ANNA

Nina -

I'm sure that it does feel weird.

I bumped up RWD's post because his ExW is leaving her OM and they were even married.

I guess that their problems follow them wherever thay go and when the infatuation wears off - as it always will, they have to see if we're still there waiting for them or not - I think that's the point of Plan A and then Plan B - they are both things for us to do while we wait out the A - Harley always says that time is one our side.
4 words for you - 4 Rules of Recovery - not saying he's coming back - but you've developed into such a good strong person that you out distanced him as far as growth and he's got to catch up.

Also - Hopeful in AZ's WH is having second thoughts too.

K

Why participate in setting up a webcam for him?

Do the two of you get along?

I currently refuse to speak to my stbx. Email and lawyers work for me..

Jacky -

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

REALLLLLLYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no way!!!!!!!!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

ahhhhhhhhhhh true love.

E <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jacky...

Same story. His OW broke up w/him about 2 mos. ago. He actually called me and was crying. She broke his heart. Not to mention, she helped break up our family.

Going to read up more from Harleys. IF you want to email, then I'd love to hear from you. Always wanted to go to OZ...

They must like to see us keep buying tickets for this wild thrill ride. I just want to be off of it forever, personally.
Have a good night.
JoeyESNuclear@aol

Thank you for the replies everyone.

Wiftty, yes I remember you saying that. I don't know if he is telling the truth anymore, so I can't comment. It had occurred to me that it could be a big lie just to get me to be more agreeable to the settlement, but I don't think so.

Roughneck, ggod luck with your WW. As far as my stbx goes, he didn't say much, and I didn't ask, so I don't know what is in his head. I suppose the next few weeks will shed some light. But since I found out all I have done is shake my head NO, that I do not want him back. Anyway, he would find it hard to do all of that remorseful sucking up from a distance I believe. See, we have grown in the time they have been off playing, there is too much distance between our ideologies now for any WS to just walk back in, right?

Anna, I didn't ask why, but I agree that she must have left him, not the other way around, hence his sudden insight on the pain involved. Yes it is a blessing that she is out of the picture because now I do not have to deal with her at christmas, when he was going to bring her back.

GIIC, I am not sure he is having second thoughts. I think he just wanted me to know so that I could sympathise with him, which I did NOT do. When he told me, I just said "Ok". That was it, nothing else. Then he went on to say he had made a bad decision which caused everyone a lot of pain (well DUH) and I said that if there was any good out of it, it had allowed me to grow as a person and remember the strengths I always possessed. He agreed and then said, yes, but at such a cost. I am like WTF? Oh well...

Familyman, I am Plan B'ing my stbx, the kids are still communicating with him. They wanted to talk to him, see him on webcam (he asked them about this...am I supposed to say NO?) And trying to set it up necessitated conversation via IM, which I was not happy about, but it was necessary.

During the conversation he asked how I was...I said ok, you? Then he told me.

I have never, and will not ever be a parent who stops communication between the kids and their dad. No matter what I think of him, they all have the right to communicate. I did the camera thing for the kids. THEY asked me to, granted after he got in their ears about it, but I am not gonna set myself up as the bad guy here. When they grow up, they will remember those kinds of things. Sorry if I seem ticked, I am a bit. I have done a pretty good Plan B. This must be the first time I have had communication with him in months apart from email.

Oh, Steve Harley is right btw. When the affair is out in the open, it bursts bubbles. His has been know for no more than three months, to his family that is. I have known all along.

Thanks again for the input everyone.

Love and light to you all,

Jacky

Hi Nina

Good for you. You are one of the lucky few because here in SA these women stick like glue. Where I live they say the women outnumber the men 11 to 1.

I'm in this mess now for 1 1/2 yrs. Seems like my WH and OW is still going very strong. They've just moved into a new house with all new furniture. Yet, he cannot pay c/s.

My opinion is that she will also have to be the one to dump him.

How long did your sitch take to reach this point.

I also feel exactly like you. If WH should ask me today to come back it would not be an easy decision for me because I have become so much stronger and I have re-discovered the old fun loving me and I am enjoying it.

Just the wife, LMAO........funny lady, you can always make me smile!

NPGA, I am thinking that OW broke his heart too. VB guy told me today he told me because he sees me as his anchor, and wanted me to comfort him. I joked and said "Oh, so I have graduated from millstone around his neck, huh?" Yeah, these WS just keep 'em coming.

Ginny, I can't remember if I told you that stbx was in SA when he met OW, and they moved up to Mozambique together in January. She probably went back to Pretoria. As for holdong on, she doesn't know how. She has been married three times and this is her second post-(last)divorce relationship that has failed since I have known her.

This all began for me in November 2000 when he had a short lived affair. The current(now XOW) began in about June last year. So it was around 15 months with her. Harleys do say most don't last past two years OR disclosure. Well disclosure to his extended family wasn't that long ago for them.

As VB said to me, she and he have probably been LB'ing for a while...people just do not split for nothing I guess. I don't care how or why really, I am just not wanting him to be part of my life anymore. I don't think he will try though. Who knows?

Love and light, and thanks for replying,

Jacky

Wow, life does throw some curved balls at times!

In a way, it validates your thoughts and feelings on the whole situation, in that you could see where things were going, and he couldnt. And as he said...at what cost, too. At least, you have become a much stronger person and re-discovered the unique and positive qualities that had been pushed aside by marriage to him.

Wherever life takes you, may happiness follow.

M.

Jacky - oh my goodness! This is indeed news... funny how they just slip the news to us so unexpectedly. Funny that they have this need to tell us when it is over yet never told us when it began...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anna, I didn't ask why, but I agree that she must have left him, not the other way around, hence his sudden insight on the pain involved. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This makes sense because when XH told me, he was all apologetic for the pain he caused me and how he now knew the pain that he caused me. etc..etc..blah...blah....

I don't think you would want him back after you have found out all the truth about him? I know that I don't want my ex back after finding out who he is really is and what he is about. I know that I have learnt a lot about myself and have accomplished things I never thought I could since he has left. I know that I deserve better than he can offer. I deserve better than someone's affair throw aways.... I know you do as well!

Love and Care
Pantha

What news Jacky!!!

It is hard to believe....I can't believe he wanted comfort from you.

I would love to see that happen to my exH...just once I would like for him to know how it feels.

Hmmm....maybe there is hope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Take Care Pat

Jacky-

It just goes to show you that you never really know. It is nice how they come back and cry on your shoulder as well. Just remember what a wonderful person you are. Nobody can tell you how to handle this, but you. Keep your eyes open and remember you deserve only the best. May happiness be yours.

Take care and God bless!

K

PS- I must admit I am a bit jealous. I by no means would ever want my X back, but I would love the A to end and for him to admit he screwed up. Oh well, there goes my ego talking!

Thanks for the replies Pantha and mn. Yes, unbelievable news, I know. In fact I am starting to NOT believe it. I wonder how long ago things came to a head for them, because if she is actually gone it would have taken a lot of organising. Her stuff would need to be shipped back to where she came from, etc, so maybe it happened a while back...which kinda fits the sort of man he is. He wouldn't tell anyone about us splitting at all for months. Although they must have been together until the beginning of August for sure because they went on a holiday together.

Nothing has changed. He has called the kids and I did not speak to him. He wrote me an email about business and still signed "Regards" at the end. I am thinking he will still want to be divorced, but I don't really have a problem with that now anyway. Except that if I leave it up to him NOW it may take even longer. Sigh. Guess I have work to do.

Love and light,

Jacky

SR, you must have been posting at the same time as me!

I know that there are many who would be envious of the fact that he and OW broke up. It IS a victory, a validation and well deserved.

But consider this....not that I want him back either. If he makes NO attempt to reconcile, it is another kick in the teeth, ya know? He will be saying to me...see, it really was you! Just because I don't have OW now doesn't mean that I want YOU. (Gee as if I would take second best anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) But then that is MY ego talking. I want him to come crawling back just so I can tell HIM that I don't want him anymore.

Oh I can be such a B****. Guess he was right on that one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Love and light,

Jacky

<small>[ September 10, 2002, 07:16 PM: Message edited by: Nina too ]</small>