As of 5:32 est, my wife was served with her papers. I know so, because she immediately tried to call my cell. Which I did not answer as I was heading into the school to get the 7 y.o.

When I got home, it rang again and this time, I answered it. Waiting for the belching obsenities and hurtful words.

"Happy Now?"

That was the first two words out of her mouth. Like what I did is something I wanted to do! I did it, because they say you have to let her go and let God deal with her. So I did. But I was not just going to fork over everything. I asked for custody of the kids. I asked for the house and my car. All the stuff we had created together, but she has ignored over the last 2 months and beyond.

"You'll never get those kids" *Click*

My body was numb for the pure emotion of knowing that it was me that did the filing, not her. She has taken her rosey time over the last two months. Never really talking to an attorney.

She calls back. This time, with the fire of Satan spewing forth like a fountain.

All this stuff you put in here is a lie.

Alchol and Drug use: I have it recorded where she talks about her and the car salesman smoking pot and getting trashed.

Adultry: " This she didn't skate around, she knows I know, she's told me she regrets doing it.

Not contributing to the house: Not just for the last two months but for a majoroty of our marriage. She's worked on tips, so I have never really known how much money she's made. I do know that rarely (like once in a 6 month span) has she put a money into the checking account. It was always her calling me to hurry up and get a paycheck, because there were bills to pay.

Sleeping till noon, while the 3 yo was roaming free in the house. She says she never did that. But there are enough bleach stains, food stains, and colors on the wall, from when she was asleep and he was washing his cars with clorox, getting anything out of the pantry, and playing picasso on the hall.

Not involved in school functions / extra caricular activities: When my 7 y.o. was in Kindergarten, she was the room mom, but since then she has dropped off the planet as far as school functions go. She never helped him with his homework as she would get too frustrated with him. She missed numerous baseball games and practices because she put her role in Girl Scouts (we have two boys only) over them all the time.

Emotional Detachment: She has not been home in our bed before 2 am for the last 2 month. Sunday she didn't even come home until 10 am. She is gone on her days off, leaving my seven year old to ask if Mom is mad at him, because she nevers spends time with him. She tells me,"I don't want to come home, you're there."

She ended her call with, "you will never see the kids, never get custody. You wanted ugly, we are going to get ugly."

I've seen the woman I thought was an angel totally dissolve into a rage filled, hatred laden monster before my every eyes, and she has the gaul to say to me.

"Happy Now?"

TEM

And yes it does hurt like my heart has been ripped from the holder with a spoon

Stay strong Hurting in GA. I know its tough right now. How can someone who you once knew would spend the rest of their life with you now turned into your worst opposition. I know how you feel.

Looks like I'll be right behind you. I live in a no-fault state so it would be pointless for me to do any finger pointing. Eventhough my W is having an A, I will be filing for the reason of irrecon. differences. If I turn this into a mud slinging contest - the ones who ultimately suffer the most would be my children. They have gone through enough of this madness.

Be strong,

You will have more heartache than you have ever imagined. You will be called the problem from now on. You will be the brunt of all that is wrong in the world. You will be the burden upon her that has caused her to spin in anguish and seek her "solace" in others, just to remain 'sane'. You will be the one who hurt your children. You will be the one that has no heart. You will be the one that can't see reality.

Just realize that you are the only one with any sort of responsibility. You are the only one with any sense of what is right, even if not agreed upon.

You will be far more sorry than you are now I fear. But you are also going to get through this. You will keep moving, even though the world seems to have stopped. You will remain active in your family, even though she feels that she will have everything. Stay strong, and don't give on anything for the next several weeks. Just stay strong. You may end up giving in on several things in order to keep some semblance of sanity within your broken family life. But right now, things will be so emotional that you may feel that any relief from your railing wife is worth the concession. It is not. Just realize that you will be called everything in the book. You will be villianized and catagorized as an unrealistic boar or worse.

She will make your life miserable for the next several weeks as all her guilt and anxiety is transfered to you. But realize, that if you stay strong, you will remain grounded and in control and she will eventually abate and become more reasonable. If you "give" on things right now, you will show her that her insanity is working and she will continue. Just smile at her and say "If you think so."

That is the most disarming thing to my wife. I just smile and say "If you think so." And continue doing what I was doing. I know that she doesn't believe what she accuses me of, but she wants ME to believe what she accuses me of doing. Therefore she is vendicated in public, even if she knows that she is the one in the wrong in her own mind. It is her social "perception" that is of importance, not the reality of the situation.

I feel for you. I really do. I was in a similar situation a few weeks ago. I didn't file, but after she filed, she went nuts. Thinking that I was going to do all the things she would have done in the same situation. I did none of them, which REALLY shook her. She didn't know how to react to calmness and giving. The fact is, after I found out about her newest affair, #4, I realized that she would and could not change. Kind of sad for a 4th grade teacher to be that way, but just goes to show you that everyone is capable of anything.

I am willing to bet hugely that if you stay flat, calm, and strong that she will come around and you will be in a much better position to be able to get through this. Who knows what will happen, but I believe that she will relax after she sees that her haranguing is not having the intended effect on you and isn't "scaring" you nearly as much as she wishes it would.

Even if you are scared beyond all thought, stay strong. Come here and let us know. I was so scared of loosing my children to her so many times. But I stayed strong and consistent, never changing what I stated I would do from the beginning. She finally started to realize that I was not her and never would be her. She still doesn't realize who I am after 14 years, but at least she is calming down. Her threats have ALMOST halted. Each time I just reiterate what I have planned and NEVER deviate from it. It completely disarms her and even in her fugue state, she can't figure out how to combat clarity and calmness.

REALLY, stay consistent and flat. Don't argue, but don't give, NOT NOW. There will be plenty of time to negotiate in a few weeks. Just let her blow for a while and no matter how you feel, keep yourself thinking about your ultimate goal. You will have so many bumps on the road you will feel like a Hum-V test track.

<small>[ September 11, 2002, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Sorry about your divorce.
I suppose she worked nights so that she could actually take some money home-not pay it all in day care.
And I suppose that if she worked nights, she was probably tired and needed to sleep sometime.
And I suppose you the father of the three year old couldn't take responsibility for her working nights and take your daughter to a daycare or something.
And if she worked in a bar at night and rarely saw you and men were always around flattering her I am sure that doesn't make for a good marriage when your married with a three year old and have a husband who gets sleep at normal hours and doesn't even care that your out working for tips.

And now you want to just take it all!
What kind of man even lets his wife work nights in a bar-especially with a three year old to get up with????? And do you have any idea how much a woman working in a bar gets hit on??
I actually feel more sorry for your wife and daughter. Maybe her next husband won't throw her to the wolves.

Ezra, before you 'suppose' anything else, please take the time to read this guy's story:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A little background:

My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years and recently she said she was done with us, she was unhappy, and she wanted out.

Not a separation, but a full blown 'I'll take the kids, you'll pay child support, etc.'

At first I figured she was just wanting to spread her wings in the world, since she went from a house where her stepfather sexually molested her from 12-20, which she had a kid who lives with her mom and stepdad.

I was the first person to stand up to them, and she came with me shortly afterwards. For 7 years our marriage was great, then she started to get unhappy, said I questioned things too much, etc.

And a little over a month ago, she said she was done, that there was no one else, she just wanted to be alone, so she wants a divorce.

But now I know, there is someone else, who after she gets done working (bartender) she meets up with, and spends the night with him, until 3-4 in the morning.

My attorney said it was best to find out all I could, so I have a PI on her, as well as the phones at home recorded so I know what she is doing.

Though not admissible, it gives me a heads up on her actions. I have found out that she has been having sex with him for over a month, that she has been drinking alot, smoking drugs, and all that jazz. While she continues to tell her parents that there is no one else, that she just wants to be out of the marriage because she will not live her life being miserable.

The taped convos between her and her step sister has shed that she plans to marry this man as soon as our divorce is final. She is spending all her money on him instead of contributing to our household.

We have two children 7 and 3, and for the last 5 years, I have been the primary care giver of the kids. She sleeps till noon, my 3 year old has unsupervised reign of the house, while she is lucky to see my 7 year old a total of 1 hour during the week, and recently 3 to 4 on the weekends. So my attorney has been documenting all this for a case of custody, as I have been keeping a journal of everything, when she drops the 3 year old off to my parents to when she comes home at 4:30 in the morning.

This man is 3 years older then her, has custody of his two kids from a common law relationship, which they leave them with his mom who lives with him, while they are out partying and drinking all night.

I know right now, her emotions are being met by this man: 'I'm going to protect you' You are so beautiful, etc.

I always did my best to meet her needs, to make sure that she was provided for, protected, etc.

And now she is going to jump into a new marriage with a man that has no stable income (car salesman), a drug habit, gotten her to drink nightly etc.

She tells me that maybe in six months she will realize she made a mistake, but now I know that is just a smoke screen, so I will hurry up and get the divorce, so she can be with him.

Has anybody else had an experience like this, and what is/had/has been the outcome of it all.

I love this woman the whole wide world, worship her, and I don't want to cause any more hurt to her then necessary, but I need to make sure my kids are in the best possible situation.

HELP!!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is SHE who wants to take it all and throw him to the wolves while she lives happily ever after with her OM. I hope OM does to her what she did to her H.

HIG, I too went thru M with a woman that thought it was her divine right to merit the benefits of a wife while she enjoyed the benefits of a single woman. The only thing I was good for was as her baby sitter and meal ticket but nothing else. She spent the weekends going out with her male 'friends' and the time she was at home nothing but sleep so she could go out at night and party until early dawn. Fortunately she was stupid and in the last incident before my separation and subsequent divorce, she left our two young daughters alone to go party. My youngest d called me at work and told me what happened and I went to get my daughters and file a report against her with the local social services agency. They sent a case worker who interviewed my d's and neighbors, who were very aware of my xWW's comings and goings and the men she invited into our home while I was at work. My xWW threatened me not only legally but with physical violence thru one of her prison bound scumbags. Fortunately the court saw, thru the evidence my lawyer presented, what kind of person she was and awarded me full custody of our d's. It's been two years since my divorce was finalized and my d's and I are finally living our lives the way they were meant to be, and I have a woman in my life that is not a basketcase and is a lady in the true sense of the word. As for my xWW is concerned, she finally crashed and burned and has been going thru therapy to become a human being once more. Don't despair, there is life after divorce and often times a much better one than the one you left behind.

<small>[ September 12, 2002, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Too Much,

Thanks for the defense.

EZRA, if you get a moment search for my screen names and you will see what I have been through for the last 2 years

hurting in georgia

hurting in georgia again.

I've done everything I can to salvage the marriage, but when she took a blind eye to the kids and me, and spoke about it, that is when the 'Im not happy, I want out" stuff came along, all the while she and her car salesman were out to wee hours of the morning. THAT is why she slept late. She hasn't gotten off work past 10:00 since June, it is usually while the kids are still up that she is off, and she didn't even have the decency to call just to say hey or speak to them. It was more important for her to "find her wild side" and to let a man she has known for 2 months tell her how happy they will be together when this all over. While his two kids are at home with his mother and he is out having sex with MY wife behind her pick-up truck in a parking lot.

I am guilty of asking questions when she began to come home at 4 am EVERY night, asking if she was ok. Calling on her cell just to see if she was alright. Being there, providing for her, while most of the money she made was "her money", even when we were down to our last dime, she had enough to get her nails, hair, toes, etc done, and I am scraping change to get pull ups for our 3 year old.

BTW: It is the three year old she says of : "I wish I never had him, I love him, but wish I never had him"

She says today that she will never forgive me for the grounds I put into the papers, but then again, my lawyer took all the info from over the last three years and put them down.

Beleive me, it is killing me inside to know that this woman will soon be my ex-wife, I love her with every once of my being, but now I have to let her go, and she is in God's hands now. I've prayed for her protection, and for her well being, and that the fog may be lifted. If you think I threw her to the wolves, I didn't she chose to break our vows, to not even consider counciling, and wouldn't here of a separation.

Hurting in Gorgia Again,
I apologize for my post last night. I couldn't sleep, too much coffee and I didn't know all the facts-and I bashed you. Please accept my apology.
I bartended when I was a single mom ONLY to keep my house for my seven children.
I know only too well what that world is like. Waiting on people, mostly lonely guys and being flattered and hit on constantly. Men don't really know what that is like as mostly, men are the pursuers. I'm sure there are alot of people who will disagree with that statement, but that is my observation.
Let me try a differant approach than the one I had last night.
I know that everyone needs money to survive, and I know what daycare costs are. And we all know what goes on in bars.
My main question here is , you are the husband and father and "man of the house" if you will. Why did you allow your wife to work and be in that environment ? Did you REALLY need the money that bad??? You allowed and condoned your wife to be working(probably opposite hours of you-can't see her much)in a bar where no matter how nice the place is, you had to know what her evening of work would be like. Is that real love? Is that looking out for the best interests of the marriage and family?
If my husband said "We need some extra money. I am going to work at a strip joint to earn it. Just trust me, it will be alright"
I'd respond"We will never need the money that badly to risk our marriage with that much temptation. Sorry dear, we are only human!"
I feel as spouses, we need to look out for eachother-quite frankly, especially the men look out for their families. Am I old fashioned? Yes and no. But common sense tells me that a woman with young children especially, that is married, should not be working in that kind of envionment and it's the husbands' job to see to it that the family stays intact-just my opinion.
I do feel badly for your situation. I would like to here a response to my questions though

Take care.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My main question here is , you are the husband and father and "man of the house" if you will. Why did you allow your wife to work and be in that environment ? Did you REALLY need the money that bad??? You allowed and condoned your wife to be working(probably opposite hours of you-can't see her much)in a bar where no matter how nice the place is, you had to know what her evening of work would be like. Is that real love? Is that looking out for the best interests of the marriage and family?
If my husband said "We need some extra money. I am going to work at a strip joint to earn it. Just trust me, it will be alright"
I'd respond"We will never need the money that badly to risk our marriage with that much temptation. Sorry dear, we are only human!"
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry Ezra but even stay at home wives have been known to cheat on their husbands. When I was married, my so called 'stay at home wife' abused the time she had to be a good home caregiver to our daughters, by cheating with other men. Just like you, I worked my tail off to provide food and shelter to my family, only to have my 'dear' xWW live it up like a single woman of independent means.

While I agree that many become enslaved to the trappings of the materielistic world, the sad reality is that (in todays world of massive layoffs and exportation of middle class jobs overseas) for a great majority of couples, it takes TWO incomes just to get by. Lucky are those who can manage with the income of one spouse and the stay at home to help raise their kids.

Infidelity happens even in the places where you least expect it to occur, like churches, synagogues, mosques, temples, etc. Which tells you that it's not the job that makes an unfaithful spouse, but the person holding the job.

TooMuchCoffeeMan:
I know that it takes money to make a household run. Why won't you try to see what I am saying?
We know that a marriage can only stand so much temptation, right??
Maybe you are stronger than most and that is great if you are.
But most marriages have their limits like anything else.
For example. My husband does not want me to work.WHY????? Lets see-he is gone alot and knows that the children need someone to come home from school to.
If I were to bartend like in my single days, I would have(even at 42-believe me!) many men flattering me and letting me know that "THEY WERE THERE FOR ME" if I needed any help. So, my husband could easily become the "enemy".
Really Coffee man, come on now-there Is a differance between certain jobs! Get Real here!!!
And was the second income so important that the wife work nights (I am sure being hit on constantly)that they lose eachother and she falls for another guy???Come on here! What is marriage suppose to mean? Bartending or loving your spouse??
I am sorry for what ever happened in your marriage-but some things CAN BE PREVENTED!

I DO see your point and acknowledge that there are certain jobs that are riskier to the M than others and thus offer more chances for cheating on ones spouse. Now try to see my point in that taking the responsability for the wrong choice(s) away from the WS and putting it on the job is simply wrong. When I was married to my xWW, I too had plenty of opportunities to fool around and yet I never took advantage of them, why? because I knew the difference between right and wrong. I knew my boundaries. If your H cheated repeatedly on you, would you buy his excuse that it was the women he met while working that were the one's responsable for his selfishness?

If a WS was a responsable parent, then the issue of custody would not be too much of problem, but in my case and HIGA, our x and present spouses were far from being good parents and so I ask you why should they be granted custody when they failed their parental responsabilitiess so miserably? Sorry but simply being women does not automatically make them the better parents.

As far as getting real Ezra. Nobody can force a spouse to not take a job (or take a job for that matter) that s/he wants but the other spouse is against. Maybe in the third world countries that might be the case but not in the industrialized countries, like the U.S. and Canada.

<small>[ September 12, 2002, 07:15 PM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Okay, I don't usually post here, but this conversation has my interest.

My exH bartended in a bar on the base just on Friday nights. He wanted some extra money in his pocket that he didn't have to explain how it was spent. Okay, not a problem, I understood that. Then he retired from the military after 20 years.

He was accepted to the police academy and graduated, but he quit 2 weeks into the field training phase. So his boss (female) got him more hours at the bar, he got a "promotion" and worked 30 hours a week at the most. I told him that I would continue working the 3 jobs, as long as he could make his truck payment, and that he should consider going back to college (he already has 2 Associates) since the VA will pay 100% of his tutition, books, and pay him a stipend to go. Did he? Nope, the bar was more fun! While her spouse was in the bar everynight "overseeing" everything, I was never invited and never felt I had the right to show up at his "work place". I never thought I had to check up on him, never thought that after 17 years he would do what he did!

He and his boss both threw their spouses out of our homes in November 2000, my ex was just waiting for me to get a job with the state (he said that we needed the health care, retirement, etc.) he made sure that I had a decent vehicle to drive, and in less than 4 months of moving out, I was divorced. He ran real fast for a dissolution!

He proposed to her on Valentine's Day 2002(we divorced March 2001, her divorce was October 2001) They are planning their wedding for June 2003. She has 3 children from 2 previous marriages, we have 1 child from our marriage.

I feel that if he didn't get pulled into the bar scene that things would never have gotten this far. It's a dangerous place for anyone to work in!

I still have moments where I wonder how after 20 years together he could walk away and never look back. I wonder how the bar had more allure than his family. But these are questions that I know I will never have the answer to so why should I bother trying to figure him out.

But now I am taking bets as to 1) will they get married? and 2) how long the marriage will last once they are married? Any takers??

LadyMoose

<small>[ September 13, 2002, 01:35 AM: Message edited by: LadyMoose ]</small>

I beleive that we've hijacked HIGA's thread quite enough and for my part I apologize to HIGA for my part and will respond only to his comments from now on.

Ezra,

I totally understand your point of view and maybe if you knew my wife, you might understand my point of view on the whole thing.

My wife is a VERY, VERY, head strong, stubborn and independent woman. You don't know how many times I wanted or told her to look for another line of work.

She didn't have to work that is one point that I've been trying to get across, and up until June of this year, she worked two, maybe three days a week. And that time was split between bartending and waitressing. Up until June she had worked at Outback Steakhouse for the last 8 years, where she had every opportunity to move up in the company, but refused each promotion, citing she "Didn't want the responsibility".

In fact on August 3 it was one of the major topics of our Arguement that resulted in her leaving the house for the night and spending it with her new man. I told her I didn't like that she was a bartender, that she needed to look into something a little more stable. As far as that I didn't want her to be 40 years old and still being in the resturant business. I told her if she was going to make a career out of it, then to do it right, move up in the company, etc. Her response was:

"I am good at what I do, I don't want to move up, what are you saying? That I am a peasly [censored] bartender?"

Me: " No, I am just saying that in 8 years when you are 40, I don't want to be the one to hear your disgruntlement with where you are in your career."

Her: " Well, I like what I do. And I AM GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO."

Understand, that up until she left Outback in June and moved over to LongHorn, (which the basis for this was it was 15 miles closer to home, they close earlier). My wife called every night on her way home, or if she was going out to eat with some of the other people from there (which included 3 of our family members). The fact was I knew she was alright, that I could trust her because she made the attempts to call in. And this was only maybe once a week. I wanted her to be happy, and if the resturant business is what she wanted to do, fine, but it was when I started to voice my opinion on what she started doing is when the fit hit the shan.

When I started to ask her when she would stroll in 2-4 am, without calling me, without checking in, is when she started to push herself away. When I told her I didn't think it was a wise move in hindsight for her to do this, she answered with:

'So now I am going to be questioned everytime I want to go out? What is so wrong with hanging out with friends after work?"

me: " There is not a problem with that, but when it's become EVERY night, I think I need to know what is going on, and I think we need to set some groundwork here."

She would then immediately take the defensive, because I was keeping her from working, or that I was trying to run her life.

We even decided that her and I needed to do more stuff together, and she agreed, until the day that it was supposed to happen. Like, if we planned a night out, (dinner, movie, whatnot), there was an excuse.

1. I'm too tired, I've been working. (When I know for a fact that the bar at Longhorn has 3 bartenders nightly, and when she goes in at 4, she is off by 9, at 5 she is off by 10 at the latest.)

2. I got called into work (when she didn't)

Understand, that EVERY time I put my foot down on something it resulted in her rebelling away from it in 180 degree fashion. So she began to hide what she did, and I found out about it, questioned her on it, told her it was not right, that our marriage needed us to spend time together.

and it was always "I don't feel like it."

I know that her current line of work is not conducive to a good marriage, and for 8 years there was never a problem, because she and I had the understanding that she would not do anything like she did, that she took her vows seriously and held them dear. I am guilty of letting my wife do a profession that made her happy, and it came back and bit me in the [censored] in the end. But it was not without me voicing that she needed to do a little more, to strive to better her position. One of the reason she gave me for moving over to LongHorn was because they were open during the day, and she was going to get a few day shifts to give ourselves some sort of a family life after 5:00.

Her contributions to the marriage as far as income has been little, from the simple fact that she was working on 2 hours a night, while giving me the impression that she was there for 6. And when I started to rant, she left. Telling her parents that she was "Tired of being asked questions when she came home." and they responded, as I did, that 'He is your husband, he has a right to know that you are ok, where you are, etc." and she would reply, " I am going to do what I wanna do, and I can't help it."

You don't know how I wish that someone else besides me would have said or say something to her about her always taking, never giving, and not being a wife to me, and at times a mother to her boys. For the last 3 years at times, she has totally tried to live two different lives. One as the wife that would never do anything that would raise an eyebrow, telling everyone how wonderful her husband was, how great her marriage was, and then on the nights when she would give into the other people around her, she was the free spirited, fancy free, not a care in the world woman, that knew there was a man and 2 boys at home, calling to make sure she was ok, wondering when and if she was coming home that night.

Ezra, I ask you to put myself in my shoes, read up on everything I have posted since I have been coming here since February of this year. And if you see a way to straighten it out, let me know! I love this woman, and the divorce papers are served, and even she knows I did it because she was totally closed to the idea of:

1. Counciling
2. Separation
3. Change in the line of work
4. POJA

All I have asked for was wisdom, help and support. I tried to let my wife have everything she needed. If it meant me going without, fine, but I always made sure her and the boys are my number one concern, and when my concern got too much for her, she took off to the arms of a man that she's known for 2 months

Hi HIGA.

Do you have an update regarding your sitch?

Nothing much of an update really.

She called me yesterday at work to tell me that if she could not find her brother to watch the 3 year old, that I would need to call my mom to tell her that "that she would be dropping him off around 3:00"

This is the norm for us, as she would never call my mom to see if she could drop the boy off for a few hours before I got off work and came and got him. And again, I never really thought about it, because my mom was always more then glad to see one of her grandbabies.

Then after that, she wanted to get into what was in the papers. She said she would NEVER forgive me for the grounds that were put in them. I told her the lawyer had all the info and put it down accordingly. (Now before I get jumped on, understand that the attorney has already taken depositions from 3 family members, 2 friends of mine, and 3 friends of hers that she stopped talking to right after the job change.)

I told my wife, what I not discuss this over the phone, and if she wanted to talk she could make it a point to talk to me at home. I told her that she was not going to call me here at work, and upset me the rest of the day. I told that she knows that Divorce is something that I don't want, but I am doing what she wanted me to do. Because if I didn't file, she would continue to sit on everything, expect me to pay for her credit cards that she is running up on motel rooms, car tires, and clothes for her new man.

We left it at that. I know I am not perfect and would love the opportunity to talk to her face to face to work some issues out. But she refuses to do so face to face, because I don't think she can look me in the eye. It's easier for her to lie to me over the phone.

My niece came down last night to go to my 7 yo's ball game, and she mentioned that she had seen my wife at Longhorn the night before. While my niece was waiting for her boss to get there, she walked over to talk to my wife. The niece said hello, and my wife just responded in a somber tone.

"I got served my divorce papers today"

My niece and wife have always been very close friends, and my niece was the one that would watch the boys whenever I was able to get the wife to do something with me. But my neice has also been witness to things my wife did while out. My niece would be thinking that I knew the wife was at this or that, when in reality she was telling me something completely different. I hear stories from neice and other people now, that at these parties, the wife would be smoking pot, drinking, dancing on the tables, etc.

I have had a long talk with my niece as she kept that kind of info from me, and my niece only response was..I thought you knew.

There has been no call from her today, and I really don't expect one. It's the weekend which if the last two month are any indication, she will not be home until dawn, sleep tomorrow while I take the boys somewhere, then go back to work, then do it again tomorrow night.

And I wont even have the chance to see or talk to her. Let alone tell her that I would end all these proceedings if she would just listen and put just one once of effort into saving everything we have built.

Save your breath HIGA because in her mind she has done nothing wrong, and it's all your fault. With a fogged up WS, the old saying 'you can't argue with a sick mind' is very true. To hear you tell your story brings me chills just because it is so similar to my story with my xWW.

According to my x-brother in law, after my divorce was finalized a little over two years ago, my xWW got 'bi***-slapped' (his words, not mine) with a hearty dose of reality (the loss of her M and her D's) that she finally crashed and burned with an emotional breakdown. She went from being the arrogant, foul mouthed, heartless, cruel monster to a brokened spirit, humbled, quiet, insecure, fearful child. She was in such bad shape that her family had her institutionalized for fear that she might committ suicide. Inside the treatment center, she finally started getting the counseling that I had pleaded with her to get (to no avail) all those years before when we were still married. Well the therapy looks like it's paying off because the change in her is really remarkable. She is very respectful towards me when talking about our D's wellbeing. But unfortunately for her, it's too little too late because I have moved on with my life and over a year ago I met this wonderful woman who I first became friends with and have fallen madly in love with and engaged to be married next year.

I truly beleive that if I had not divorced my xWW, she would never have reached rock bottom and got treatment for her emotional disorders. She probably would have continued on her self destructive path for the forseable future.

My D's and I are now living much healthier lives and I have once again found the love that had been absent for so many years while I was married to my xWW.

So you see HIGA, sometimes a divorce CAN bring good things to all affected parties.