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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1 |
Well what can I say. First of all we have both really screwed up but I am the one who had an affair 8 years ago. Let me say that our marriage had been cascading down hill for about 10 years now. After my wife's grandmothers death it got worse and she was diagnosed with clinical depression. She refuses to take her meds and one night everthing blew up and I told her about the affair. She had been having an emotional affair with another man and I saw what was coming and decided it was time to come clean on everything and try to move on from there. Maybe telling her was a bad idea because now I do not know where I stand. When she is here she hates me and when she is away she misses me. I have bought dr. harley's books but I am afraid she does not want to reconcile. She says she hates me now and I get a lot of verbal abuse from here. She says she does not know what she wants right to and has to think about it. It has been 1 week and there are good days as well as bad days. Is there any hope, she left for 3 days and then came home. I am trying to be there and meet her emotional needs but the wall she has put up is rather large. Would like to hear what others have to say about this.
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
Member
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Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283 |
A week isn't very long...she's probably still absorbing the shock to some extent.<P>Keep on trying to meet her needs, telling her you want to work together to rebuild. Give her a little time to absorb the shock, and hopefully she'll come around if she sees you are sincere.<P>Good luck...<P>Kathi<P>PS...you will get more response if you try posting in the Infidelity section...
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 170
Member
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Member
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 170 |
You told her about it a week ago???<BR>That's not much time at all. I would not expect things to set themself straight for awhile. Also, if you told her about your affair because she was close to having one, she is dealing with the fact that either she won't be able to go forward with it (the affair) now or the guilt that she wanted one etc.....<BR>I've been thru the depression and just wished my husband would be understanding of it. He was always (and still does) ask---how you doing---you ok---something upsetting you??? But he never pays attention to me otherwise. So don't treat her as tho depression is on her mind all the time, treat her with kindness and love---but don't try to fix her. Being supportive is what she needs. I also think that maybe your 8 years "clean" since the affair should mean something. good luck<BR>keep us posted
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