Legal Services basically told me that my Answer (see this thread) was "beautiful" and that I should go ahead and file a Motion to Enforce Judgement for the violations I cited in my Counter-Claim, as none of that was brought up in my recent court hearing.

In a nutshell, they are terribly overwhelmed with divorce cases and short staffed, and feel that I can adequately represent myself in court based on my Answer.

I am supposed to contact Friend of the Court first and once again request assistance from them in enforcing the parenting time portion of the Judgement. They didn't help before, and the school is not only unwilling to get involved, they favor my ex-in-laws (out-laws) because of the volunteer work they've done at the school!! Never mind that it should have ZERO to do with a custody/visitation issue ... grrr.

As much as I don't want to go back to court, my XH is stomping all over the judgement, yet threatens to take me to court (or actually follows through, finally) if I don't follow it to the letter (of HIS interpretation, no less). So it's back on me.

How do I come out of this NOT looking like an evil, vindictive b**ch who doesn't want my kids around their 'loving' grandparents?? Every thing I have on them is my word against theirs.

signed,
struggling with this

<small>[ October 30, 2002, 02:58 PM: Message edited by: ex-Princess Buttercup ]</small>

Hi! I sure wish I had something helpful to say.... but all I can think of is that your ex and mine belong together........

Hang in there, I'm sure we'll all get through it and someday we need to get together and have a few wine coolers and tell "ex from hell" stories.

Hugs and prayers!

UPDATE--

Well, I didn't follow through, because I DID NOT want to go back to court AGAIN, and guess what ...

He's taking me to court AGAIN for the same thing we've been going around and around about!!

He wants his mother to be able to pick up our children from school, regardless of whether he is out of work at that time -- his parenting time begins after his work -- and is claiming more false accusations against me just as before!

We've been divorced over a year, when does this end??!

<small>[ October 27, 2002, 05:50 PM: Message edited by: ex-Princess Buttercup ]</small>

Hey XPB, I didn't know how bad you had it as I never clicked through to your website before roday. It's great.
I'm going through similar custody fight circumstances and would love to e-mail someone who could help. My STBX FIL was arrested last week for soliciting a prostitute. Denies it, but I've had it confirmed. My H is also living with his enabling parents (who are raising my children). I don't want the children in this house overnight, and the custody hearing has been postponed 6 times now. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
mcelros@yahoo.com.

any help is appreciated ... this is so frustrating ...

~~~

COUNTER-MOTION

NOW COMES the Defendant/Counter-Plaintiff, ME, on receipt of the Motion to Modify Judgement and for Enforcement of Judgement, states as follows:

I.

Parenting Time in the Judgement of Divorce was poorly worded by Plaintiff/Father's former attorney, ***. It states:

"1. WEEKLY: Alternate weekends after the children have been released from school or soonest the children can be picked up after parents work on Friday until 6:00 pm on Sunday."

"2. In addition a visit every week on Wednesday after the children have been released school or the soonest the children can be picked up after the parents work until 8:00 pm."

It is clear to the Defendant/Mother, her former attorney ***, and to the Friend of the Court that this implies that parenting time does not begin before the end of Plaintiff/Father's work day, even if the words "whichever is later" were mistakenly omitted.

In a letter dated September 28, 2001, ***, Parenting Time Advocate for the Friend of the Court, writes:

"Concerns have been expressed to this office that {grandma} is picking the children up from day care/school, before {dad} has completed his work day. Although sending a 3rd party to help faciliate parenting time exchanges can be supported by this office, such assistance on this case should not occur on Wednesday or Fridays any earlier then "after parent's work", as quoted from your parenting time order. Your Judgement is very specific that the only times the children are to be picked up earlier is if {dad} is not working. If {dad} would like to provide {mom} with his work schedule in writing, it may be possible to arrange earlier pick-ups. Otherwise, it is assumed that the children will not be released to his mother until after the end of {dad's} normal workday."

Parenting Time should be modified to read:

"1. WEEKLY: Alternate weekends from 5:00 pm on Friday until 6:00 pm on Sunday."

"2. In addition a visit every week on Wednesday from 5:00 pm until 8:00 pm."

This will remove the school employees from the conflict, and keep future problems from arising.

Defendant/Mother has offered additional parenting time to Plaintiff/Father with each child. As of October 7, 2002, Plaintiff/Father accepted several hours per month of personal time with his son involving Cub Scout activities, above and beyond what is required of the Defendant/Mother in the Judgement of Divorce. Plaintiff/Father has yet to accept the offer of additional weekly time with his daughter, extended to him October 2, 2002.

On September 25, 2002, Defendant/Mother pleaded with Plaintiff/Father to "open up the lines of communication so that these issues can be handled effectively between us without further court cost or hassle". Plaintiff/Father is angry, bitter, controlling and vindictive, and only seeks to harm Defendant/Mother with further unfounded accusations and threats. He consistently distorts the truth in an effort to belittle and villify the Defendant/Mother.

II.

Plaintiff has not provided disclosure of payment of jointly held marital debts. Per Section XVII Part Four, Consent Judgement of Divorce, Plaintiff had until July 13 to pay the balance on his Discover Card ending in 3270, and had until August 12 to disclose proof of payment to Defendant. This was a jointly held account and shows up on Defendant's credit report with a $1020 balance.

III.

Plaintiff is employed at a company that offers medical benefits for his family, but has not provided insurance cards or information on benefits for the minor children, violating Section XI, Medical Expenses, Consent Judgement of Divorce.

IV.

Plaintiff is engaging in parental alienation, violating Section VI, Inherent Rights of Minor Children, Consent Judgement of Divorce. A detailed documentation of events is on file with Friend of the Court. Defendant has asked Plaintiff to refrain from conversation in front of the children, but he has continued to berate and belittle Defendant in front of them. Defendant will seek supervised visitation if incidences of parental alienation persist.

V.

Plaintiff has been uncooperative in returning personal property to Defendant violating Section XVI, Property Settlement, Consent Judgement of Divorce, and has willfully and maliciously destroyed or disposed of Defendant's personal property. Belongings which were witnessed in the marital home and outbuildings in December 2000 and May 2002 are "missing" and/or Plaintiff refuses to produce them or make arrangements for Defendant to obtain them.

Specifically being sought are items necessary to the Defendant/Mother's career development. She was the Graphic Designer of *** magazine between 1996 and 2000, and obtained 12-20 copies of each bi-monthly issue for her design portfolio. These magazines were in the marital home in December 2000, and must be promptly returned to the Defendant as she is a currently unemployed freelance graphic designer, improving her skills at {community college}, and is actively seeking new clients. The missing portfolio is necessary to show prospects examples of her work.

WHEREFORE, DEFENDANT REQUESTS the court to:

a. Order the Plaintiff to allow Defendant unrestricted access to her remaining personal property at the former marital home, and order the Plaintiff to return any personal property he may have already removed from the former marital home, specifically but not limited to, over 360 issues of *** magazines. The replacement value is in excess of $3600.
b. Order the Plaintiff to remit to the Defendant the sum of $300 for the personal property he has destroyed or discarded.
c. Order the Plaintiff to disclose proof of payment of the jointly held marital debt.
d. Order the Plaintiff to adhere to the above-referenced clarifications to Parenting Time.
e. Order the Plaintiff to provide medical insurance for the minor children and supply Defendant with cards and documentation.
f. Order the Plaintiff to refrain from addressing the Defendant in a disrespectful manner in the presence of the children and from all other forms of parental alienation.
g. Order that the Plaintiff pay the court costs and attorney fees for this legal action.
h. Grant any other relief that is fair and equitable, including holding Plaintiff in contempt if the court deems it appropriate.

Dated: _______________ BY: ______________________________

<small>[ October 27, 2002, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: ex-Princess Buttercup ]</small>

Hi,

I will say that I have dealt with these issues for going on 14 years now.

Both of you need to stop the pissing contest and consider the needs of the children.Poisoning one anothers image to the children in nothing short of child abuse. I pray that simple modifications that benefit the children come to the minds of you both.

Does it matter to the children that the grandmother picks them up early? Or does it only matter to you? Being vindictive always hurts the children because then they are forced to chose .....and thats no choise any child should have to make.

I pray the best for you and yours.

Sincerely,

Randy

Took Randy's post too personally. Sorry Randy.

<small>[ October 27, 2002, 05:48 PM: Message edited by: ex-Princess Buttercup ]</small>

Sounds good to me, and I know you'll do well in court. I think one part of healing is not internalizing other's responses to our situations, like Randy's (and I have been guilty of such responses myself).
I feel the same way about my in-laws - particularly now.
God bless PB and her children.

Guys, I'm a little nervous about representing myself this time, since it's now about parenting time and custody, rather than the shallow "trespass" issue he pushed on me before ... is it even possible to get an attorney up to speed in three days?? I'm pretty well organized as I knew I'd need all of these legal documents over and over again ...

How would I go about finding someone who might work for free or for a reduced rate because of the domestic violence in the past? I don't want to exploit that, but finances are an issue.

My sister confirmed my fear -- he won't quit until he has full custody or is out of money.

<small>[ October 30, 2002, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: ex-Princess Buttercup ]</small>

I went ahead and hired an attorney. He believes this should have gone through Friend of the Court. He is going to make my XH's attorney an offer.

I just fired off an email to my atty -- of course he also wanted to know what the problem was with grandparents picking up the kids -- had to get him up to speed.

~~~

Mr. ***:

So you have some idea of why I have a problem with my ex-husband's parents picking up our children when it is not his parenting time ... {XMIL} has said and done some horrific things to me.

While I was still married, I was convinced by her that *my* mother had said horrible things, specifically that she enjoyed watching my father die, that she had threatened to kill {XMIL}, that she celebrated my sister's divorces and plotted to break up my and my other sister's marriages. She 'knew' these things through a mutual friend of hers and my mothers', she claims, whom she never named.

She threw fits if I didn't let her take the child(ren) at least 2-3 days a week and at least one overnight a week. Any less than that, and she went into hysterics about how I was ungrateful for the free child care she had provided when I was working, or how I was trying to keep her precious grandchildren from her, or that I was jealous that my son and she were so close.

She further claims I have told her about instances of physical/mental abuse by my mother that I have no recollection of experiencing or telling about, specifically that my mother threatened to mop the floor with my head, and that she pushed my head down close to the garbage disposal and that I was afraid my hair would get caught in it. She had me believing that my mother was a threat to my children. She never believed me about any of the physical violence by {XH}, and she was the only person I told about it at that time, prior to the summer of 2000.

She has never treated both children the same. Their family value is that women are subservient to men, and my son is doted on and showered with gifts. My daughter was reprimanded for the slightest whining or crying, and told no to things that my son was allowed. For example, one time we were over there for dinner, and my son started begging for a chocolate drink. I told him he could have it with dinner. She went against my wishes and gave him the drink immediately. Then, my daughter asked for the same drink, and was told, no, wait for dinner. I was furious and pointed out this double standard. I was told I didn't know what I was talking about, that I was making things up to start trouble. Since the divorce, my son would come home and tell me about all of the treats and toys he was given, while my daughter was given nothing.

In September 2000, she claimed that she had me on videotape hitting and screaming at my children. Both my ex-husband and {XMIL} recounted mysterious and frightening things I'd said and done that I had no memory of. When I demanded to see the tapes, she claimed they were taped over.

After a failed suicide attempt because these people had made me believe I was truly a threat to my own children without being aware of it, it finally became clear that they had been brainwashing me. I have been to no less than six counselors, and none of them have found any reason to believe the claims made by {XMIL} and {XH}. It was a plot to control me and make me question my sanity, sever ties with my own family, and scare me into not leaving {XH} because I was made to believe that I would lose my children if I did.

In December 2000, {XH} left the house with our children without my consent, and took them to his parents house. I moved out that day. The next day, I went to see the children. His car was full of their things; clothes, blankets, toys. I was talking with my daughter in my lap, when {XMIL} tried to snatch her from me and said "We have to get ready to go bye-bye". I was scared that they were going to go into hiding, as {XH}'s parents have a house up north, and I tried to leave with the children. I was physically blocked from leaving by {XH} and {XMIL} as she called 911 and screamed into the phone that I was hysterical and trying to push her down the stairs. This was done in the presence of the children who could see that I was not!!

When police arrived she filed a false report against me, claiming I had hit her and tried to push her down the stairs, and then she and {XH} took out PPO's against me.

When I showed up the next day with a police officer and an ex parte order signed by the judge for temporary custody, she refused to let the children go with me. The officer did nothing.

More recent things she has done are outlined in the Friend of the Court letter mailed this past June.

Contact me if you need any further information.

Stay strong XPB, I need to see you on these boards, it gives me strength.
My hearing is tomorrow at 1:30 pm, I'll be sending out a prayer request later today.
I think you'll do fine. Good Luck, and many blessings