My X has changed lately WRT our 5yo daughter. Very quick history: she wanted to have an affair but told me first, then went ahead and did it and filed for divorce. Divorce final April 2001, uncontested with joint legal/physical custody. Co-parenting was fine with little arguing except for big things, like summer camp and whether our daughter goes to school near me or near X. The school issue wasn't resolved, so I had us both go to a mediator. Since I felt our daughter would do fine either place, but X felt the neighborhood around her has a better influence (I think they're the same), I decided to back down just so we can tell our daughter where she's going. School started and she's doing fine.

Ever since the mediator session, X has been far more controlling. She had our daughter's hair cut without asking me; it's fine with me, but I would have asked. She decided on her birthday without asking me, and she 'invited' me. She's deciding what time to bring her over on transfers to me, and she's mostly half an hour or more late. I wanted to look into better after-school options, she's cool to that idea.

I know others have far worse problems, but I'm really puzzled. Any thoughts on how to handle this? I wouldn't dream of behaving like this. It's a very sudden change in her tone. Also, if I disagree, well, you'd better not be around. Even our daughter better not be around because X won't mind yelling at me in front of her.

Here's a copy of her last email to me; what I wrote to her first is prefixed with '>'.

> There's still no one from her class in after-school care, but
> there's a girl named <friend> who's really nice to her. They
> said <daughter> cried for a minute yesterday, but <friend>
> talked to her and then she was happy, and they were playing
> together outside when I picked her up.

please let her make friends on her own. She can learn that as
she grows. If you see problems with the after school care, then
we can discuss the problems. Give it a bit more time before we
switch her around.

> At this stage, after-school doesn't matter too much because I
> pick her up at 3:30 just so we're not in a rush before bed
> especially with piano practice. But if you'd like, I can talk to
> the after-school places you got referrals for in case they look
> good.

that's fine. You need to pay them next month and if you only
want to keep her for 1 hour a day, then you might want to ask
them to pay the minimal. I really like her to interact with
other kids more so she will be more comfortable without our
intervention.

I'll plan to have a Bday for her over my house on 10/12 noon for
her school friends. You're welcome to come. You can have another
party for her at your house for her old friends if you'd like.

<small>[ September 14, 2002, 01:41 AM: Message edited by: ft2bme ]</small>