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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 45
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 45 |
I keep hearing and keep trying to live by the notion that I shouldn't use the fact that X didn't want to try to keep our family together while I did.
Every time X complains about something with custody, in my mind I'm saying, "Well if you had tried to keep the family together, this might not be an issue." I've been good; I haven't said it yet.
But it's frustrating. I've asked this of counselors how to deal with this feeling, and why this feeling is wrong, but I haven't gotten a clear answer yet. Any words of wisdom among you? I can't be the only one with this feeling, am I?
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294 |
Nope, sadly you are not the only one who has that thought passing through the head at such times. My stbx works overseas, and when he laments over missing the kids sooooooooooooooooooo much, it just makes me sick. HE was the one that wanted his new life, now he doesn't like some parts of it. HE wanted freedom, yet cannot understand that it comes at a great cost.
I do not think those feelings the BS's have are wrong....who told you they were? They are the beginnings of anger, and anger is one of the medically recognised steps of grieving. Allow yourself to feel it, not necessarily act on it by calling him out or LB'ing, but please do acknowledge it as a NORMAL reaction to this situation.
Love and light,
Jacky
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