0615...XW (btw, we signe the separation papers yesterday!!) calls says she is too sick to watch the kids...up all night vomiting, etc. She says she wants to come over later and take them to dinner (wanna bet she ask for money for that? Hell no!!!)

She was supposed to watch the kids because I was planning on going to a seminar today call "Divorce and Kids" at a local church.

Well now I am supposed to wake the kids up and haul them to this church with the day care after I promised them last night that their mom was going to watch them?!?!?!?! My daughter is all PO'd at me because of this! I can't take them now...oldest son has cold, and youngest kids have been waking at 0530 all week to go to before school care and I promised them that they could relax on Saturday. I do not break my
promises with my kids...

I called XW back and said thanks for putting me in this awkward position...and she says "You are harassing me!" She asked me to call her back when I get back with the kids. Screw it! She can call me and then I can tell her she is harassing me!

I am trying to make this sep/divorce amicable but she is really making this hard!!!

Ahhh...I fell better now...thanks everyone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pete

Vent on!

I really wish that you could have just hauled all the kids over to her house and dropped them off there - but instead of being nice about it she would have probably made a scene and complained about you to them the whole day.

It's not fair - but you have to learn NOT TO COUNT ON THEM! And you can't even tell your kids when they will see her until the last minute just in case she doesn't show. You can also be honest with your kids and say - mommy is sick and can't get you so I have to bring you to her house or another house, or say mommy is sick and can't watch you, and there is no one else, so I will be staying home with you. Once you have a set custody plan, then you can drop them off and she has to worry about another person to watch them. It's not fun, but she has to take responsibility for the kids or let you have them.

Also, try not to promise your kids things if you know that something may happen to disrupt the plan(which will be anything that invoves your W), because life is uncertain. These things do happen and plans change and you don't want to break your promise to your kids, but if you do promise them something - like sleeping in, then you are prevented from doing something more important. So it's better to not even go there, like tell the kids, if everything works out the way it should - they'll be able to sleep in, and that you would like them to be able to sleep in, but that sometimes things happen so they'll just have wait and see.

Sorry this happened to you. I have learned not to depend on my ExH because he can't be relied upon either - he was supposed to help me with piano lessons, then he didn't show up and wouldn't take the children to their make up lesson because he said that I didn't bring our son to his lesson, which he knew I couldn't do without his help.

Hang in there!

K

TTMO

Are you surprised that someone so selfish who not only destroyed her marital vows but is destroying her children's family as well, would behave this way?

GIIC is right, you have to learn not to depend on your stbxww to shoulder her half of the burden of parenthood. You should view yourself as a widower -the dead make lousy child care providers anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> - and make other arrangements for child care of your children in the future.

I too hold the keeping of promises as one of my hightest moral values which I've been hellbent on imparting to my children as well.

If and when she calls you back, just tell her that you and the children don't need her and to do whatever she wants.

<small>[ September 14, 2002, 10:18 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

She is p--ing me off, this WW. I am praying for you guys but don't expect rational behavior. Remember the MB principles regarding the fog? I am re reading it all. She will not be normal. I'll bet these WSs all have fog that seeps into every corner of their wayward lives. They are not responsible people anymore. They just shoot from the hip and hope all falls into place for them. After all "they didn't plan to fall in love with anyone else and weren't looking for it to happen" (this was the bull I was told).

Just be the good dad and the responsible one. You are not responsible for her actions. Just yours. Get done whwat you have to get done and be through with it. Find a very good babysitter as that's what I am starting to look for. Do family things. And vent here. Sing loudly and off key in shower. Work out.

Hope she will wander off out of fog. But remember this,,and this is the funny part..When the WW wanders out of fog and leaves OM, he will finally understand how it feels to be ONE WITH THE FOG. He will wonder, what happened to me? This was stupid. She may do the same thing if he leaves her..Then fog will clear and the devastation will be incredible. Like in the movie Independence Day when they fire up the Nukes at the aliens thinking they've got them. When the smoke clears, they find out that they didn't destroy the aliens, they just destroyed Houston. And it is smithereens.

Glad that kind of crap doesn't have to one day land on MY conscience or YOURS. Geez, that has got to be horrible...Either way I see it, you WIN IN THE END. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks all!!!

She said she twisted her ankle as well. Came to find out she called her severely co-dependent friend yesterday to go to happy hour!!

Anyway...even though I couldn't go to the seminar, I got a lot of stuff (or you could say crap!). I then took the kids to Barnes and Noble. MIL sent kids some certificates as a little present (all parents, mine and hers are very supportive). Spent over two hours there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

At one point, the intercom came on and said "Would the father of ***** ***** please come to the music section". I thought "Oh sh**!" I went to the music section, and there was my youngest saying "Dad, I need my certificate and I couldn't find you so I had you paged!" I started to laugh!!!

So then, my D wants to have a friend over, so I call X to see if she was planning on at least taking the kids to dinner. She says "Well since D's friend is already there, I'll just see them tomorrow after work."

My heart feels for the kids. They all said "Mom is blowing us off again... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

One last thing...I am about to kill our f***** cat!!! He crapped all over the basement last night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> !! I told X, kids and world, if he does it again, he is history.

Peachy...thanks for the support! You need to tell me monkey's name sometime! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>One last thing...I am about to kill our f***** cat!!! He crapped all over the basement last night !! I told X, kids and world, if he does it again, he is history.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Killing an animal is considered a felony in many states. Do you want your stbxww to get your kids because you killed a cat? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Pete, Pete, Pete,

As long as you have expectations of your wife, then you will be dissapointed and consequently the kids too. You made a promise to the kids based on your WW who is also an alcoholic/ drug addict, who is not reliable. Stop !!!! If something is important for you to do, then make other arrangements. If it doesn't matter to you either way, then ask WW, otherwise you set yourself up.

I know it hurts.My kids go thru the same thing with their Dad. Except now they rarely ask about him. They have been dissapointed by him soooo many times that I have lost track.

Our oldest had been staying & working with WH. They got in a big blow out & OS told WH that he didn't want to be part of his confused [censored]*d world. (His world truly is that)

Pete what I say to you comes from the heart. I continue to pray for you and your family.

God Bless,

D.

WGTT Thanks!

You all are right...it just sucks to see my children's mother--who says she loves the kids very much--put so little effort into raising them.

I thought it was the fathers who did this sort of crap! LOL.

TooMuchCoffee:

I would never kill the cat...no matter how stupid he is!! Just venting! By history, I meant that I would give it away, or to the animal shelter.

BTW...having a friend of mine cover my X's initial on my tattoo...funny, I always heard that people never recommend putting wifes initials in tattoo...never thought it would pertain to me!! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pete
Hope everyone has a blessed day!!

Here is a happy update <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

STBX called and wanted to take kids to dinner at 7:00 PM and wanted me to give her money!

I simply said "When you have them, you need to cover the cost as well. Besides 7:00 PM is too late on a Sunday night. Maybe some other time."

She then wants me to help her move her dresser over to her apt. as well as sofa. I said I can help with dresser only...and she has to be here at 0730 sharp or else no dice. She got mad because it was so early, but I said "Hey, I got too much to do. Like it or leave it."

Way to go. But don't LB. Just say that you've got too much on your plate. Let Mr. X do the moving. Guys are supposed to lift the heavy stuff anyway. Are you in A or B now? Just wondering. But you are not enabling her anymore. That is what is key. Now you need to let her think you are getting on with it. Plus, we need to do it anyway. But that will make her think. You can always add in your verbal equation the "I'm fogging you now part" by saying that "hey life is ok now, busy but ok and we all know that a good guy is hard to find, at least that's what the girls (insert name of place you frequent like work, church, hangout, etc) say to me. Then add the famous "It is what it is". And smile. She will feel that smile, the sheepish foggy one even on the phone. I try that and it works.

Thanks Peachy!

I'll tell her that when she comes over this morning (if she is on time! LOL!!!)

BTW...no matter what anyone else says about you...I think you're all right! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (just kidding...my dad used to say that all of the time!)

Have a great day!!

Pete

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Time to Move on:
<strong>WGTT Thanks!

TooMuchCoffee:

I would never kill the cat...no matter how stupid he is!! Just venting! By history, I meant that I would give it away, or to the animal shelter.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can relate! Of course I regularly tell mine I'm going to shave him and tattoo him purple for similar sins.

And he just rolls his eyes, flicks his tail and saunters away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Has

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Time to Move on:
[QB]Thanks all!!!

She said she twisted her ankle as well. Came to find out she called her severely co-dependent friend yesterday to go to happy hour!!

One last thing...I am about to kill our f***** cat!!! He crapped all over the basement last night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> !! I told X, kids and world, if he does it again, he is history.
QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi TTMO! Ha! Did she twist her ankle leaving 'happy hour' in a DRUNKEN state??
Crappy catZ? Easy - give her the cat back - you drop it off at either her place OR the Animal Shelter - the choice is hers. By Default - if she does not come get her cat by the end of the day then she can get her cat at the Local Animal Shelter...
Take charge! After all, SHE put you into this situation...
Harold