Hi all,

Well, down to the finish line (I think... hasn't been moved back again anyway). Wednesday is the final trial date, we have 2 hours to schedule in 3 topics. Yes, my attorney wrote a stipulation that there would only be 3 things allowed to be talked about. This needs to end!

So, we have the issue of attorney fees. Not sure what will happen there, but am hoping that stbx gets at least 1/2 to 3/4 of mine as he is the one who kept fighting about everything and he makes 4 times as much income as I do. Our judge is a wild card who happens to be a bit on the overly grumpy stage of really needing a long break from divorce court, so unknown what will happen.

We have the issue of joint legal custody for the younger daughter. As he abused the kids and has shown no interest in their lives, it is only a control issue. I hope that the counselor and the judge see it that way and it isn't given to him. STBX is like a cancer, he needs total excision and anything he can use for control issues needs to be stopped. Not only that, he hasn't even called his daughter for over a month.

We have the issue of a permanent stay away order. Since the judge spent 20 minutes talking about the stay away order and STBX's attorney failed to put it into orders and STBX kept coming by the house, and more recently has begun harassing phone calls, I am hoping to get not only a stay away order from the house, but a full out restraining order.

The child abuse report is still sitting in the police dept. Think they are waiting until the divorce is final to go after STBX. My older daughter already was given a claim for Victim of Crime Compensation, so abuse has been proven... just waiting. 2 years so far, but next week should be it as far as divorce.

I'm so tired of all of this. A lot of unknowns still, but the girls and I are going to make it. Would like to see some justice done for once, but after the past 2 years, not sure that word should even be in the dictionary anymore. This should have been done on May 30, 2002 as we had an entire 8 hours set aside for trial, but after signing a settlement agreement, stbx's attorney said he needed another week to prepare to "slaughter me on the stand" about the stay away order. There was NO reason to extend the time, nothing had changed. STBX's attorney is as whacked out as my he is.

If anyone has any ideas to share that might help me prepare, I would greatly appreciate it.

Lori

Hi,

I don't have any experience in this part yet, but wanted to offer prayers and support.

God Bless,

d.

Hey Lori!

{{{{hugs}}}} I feel for you! I know how difficult it is going into court and not knowing the outcome. Basically it depends on who can sway the judge, regardless of whether or not it is truthful.

I PRAY....pray so hard...before court, during court.... because at the end of the day, there is nothing that you can predict.

What you CAN do is protect yourself. You don't have to answer the phone. Call the telephone company and have a block put on your phone. How old are the kids? Old enough to call dear old dad? Cause of they are, there is NO reason for him to be calling you and harassing you. Also.... another thing you can do is talk to the telephone company about all those calls and how you can track them for the police. The constant harassment has to stop and will if you have enough evidence. Use a taperecorder when you *have* to talk to him. Like you said, "STBX is like a cancer, he needs total excision and anything he can use for control issues needs to be stopped." -- it WILL happen...he will go away.

You are doing great.... all your posts are so supportive and you know what needs to be done,, but like me...it's harder to do those things when it comes to YOUR life.

My ex's attorney is as strange as the ex is. Remember Lori, these people MAKE money...the longer they can drag this out, the MORE money they make. It's their job...they don't care about emotions or how their actions rip apart people to shreds...they just worry about how much more they can suck their client into paying. I'm sorry you also have been in this for over 2 years (me...heading into 4 and doesn't seem to be an end in sight).

Have faith...there IS a reason for all of this. Perhaps that reason is for you to KNOW that you and the girls will be fine on your own....maybe it's because you needed this time to really feel alright in the world with the kids and know that no matter what (all the crud that you've gone through)..that you've survived it and made it through! Maybe you need to use YOUR experience to help others that are dealing with an evil ex?

Know that I'll be thinking about you....and praying for a positive outcome for you and the girls...Even though it's hundreds of miles away...I will be sending you my most positive thoughts!

d and Elan, thanks for the thoughts and prayers! I tried to write last night and the computer locked up.

Still on for tomorrow, but new things on the agenda. STBX and his attorney have written up a new settlement agreement, which I don't understand how they can if we already signed one. It looks like Stbx will get joint legal custody of younger daughter, but stipulation of only for medical and school records only. The counselor set it up for her to see him once a month in his office and once a month for a 4 hour unsupervised visit. (the guy abused his kids, he still gets unsupervised visits)

Found all this out this afternoon. STBX is out to try and squeeze more money out of me when it just isn't there. I surely hope the judge can see him for what he is. I just heard from another neighbor that he has been driving up and down our street again, so that makes two that are watching out for us. The neighbors all think he is looney.

I'll try and sleep tonight, but it's hard. The not knowing what will happen and what the judge will decide is enough, but knowing that stbx is still trying to destroy me and seemingly getting away with it is the topper.

My girls and I appreciate the thoughts and prayers, it really is all we have left. Been a long road fighting lies with truth; not much faith in the justice system anymore, but I know this has to be over so that the 3 of us can get on with our lives. I just hate having to pay off the jerk when it was he who wanted to leave and whose worked so hard to leave the girls and I destitute if at all possible. I just feel that in order for him to sign off and end this, I will have to give in to all his new demands.

Just sort of scared and tired, frustrated and mad all rolled up in one. I hate that there has been absolutely no accountability for his abuse, his harassment, and now his continued efforts to keep making me pay.

Not sure how I will react tomorrow. I know he and his attorney are going to try and push every single button they can; I just want to be done.

Lori

Where do we FIND these men?! Not much to add, but I'm thinking of you. Let us know what happens.

I'm gearing up for court again, a year after the divorce. Some people just don't get it.

Lori,

I just seen your post..not sure what time zone your in..but my prayers are with you..

Sorry you've still been going through this mess..

I pray the judge ruled in your favor today..

let us know how it went...

{{{thanks}}} hugs for you all!

Well, after a night of no sleep, I handled an emergency at work, went home, cleaned up and headed off to DMV to pick up a release of liability for the motorhome, stopped by the corporate attorney's and got the stocks for him to sign off of, and got to court.

Stbx had new numbers on the settlement from 5/30/02, that had him paying me $707. I gave it to him to just end things, but he comes up with a new "community" property split to do. Now... this guy has been gone over two years, took all the old furniture but for a few odds and ends, and now comes up with this after settlement agreements are met. Are you ready?

master bedroom set consisting of platform bed and one dresser
entertainment center
tv
refrigerator (my parents bought that for me a year before I met him?)
washer/dryer (both been replaced since he left)
lawn mower
air compressor (business bought)
gas weed whacker (couldn't start it so traded it to neighbor for a new electric one)
vaccumm cleaner (he had price of $300 for a 2 year machine??)
Carpet shampooer
dart board & darts (xmas gift to kids)
lamp (broken, but halogen and I like it)
fish tank filter (business bought, have receipt)
work benches which were *built in* to the garage
financial records (he has multiple copies)
jacuzzi (my friend gave it to ME)
sofa (given away after he asked for all the other furniture and I replaced )

OK, are you ready for the best parts?

extension cords
garden hose
linens/towels
dishes/pots/pans

I laughed!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm still just in total awe that this "pillar of society" has got such a screw loose he would fight for a darn garden hose. I think I will frame this list and forever hang it up for a laugh when I am totally down. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ok, down to the real issues. It is as I stated above for my younger daughter's legal custody and visitation, we didn't have time to trial on the stay away order, and attorney's fees were held off again, too. So, now November 12 is the D day (I hope). At least the counselor's letter gave my younger daughter some leeway in her dealings with stbx.

I was very upset about the stay away order and stbx fighting to get that taken away, it is weird to have all the feelings of being in an abusive situation come back at once. The fear for my kids, the fight/flight syndrome. I had to talk a walk, but came back and had my attention diverted by the "list".

Laughter once again put me right with the world. We finished and headed to the court room. Was sitting there talking with my friend when my attorney asked to reschedule. I said I thought we were doing it today, she waved at the clock. I said oh, ok, whatever. Stbx lost it... he said to get it over, do it tomorrow, and then said the big F word right there in court! Unfortunately, the judge was in chambers, but the bailiff and the court secretary sort of sat back and all got quiet for a minute.

Basically, think he didn't quite have the day he expected. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I pushed the issue that he refinance the motorhome in his name only (and got it)to protect my credit and liability. He has to go to the next town over to sign the stock certificate since he didn't do it at court. He had to write me a check for child support in arrears. He decided that since he had his new job with $900 less per month salary, that he could lower child support, but he was informed that if he can change his, I can say what I actually make (which is a LOT less than he made me settle at).

I am still scared to death about the attorney fees, and am basically in "limbo" for another 2 months financially before I can do anything about it, but the rest of it just doesn't really matter anymore. I want the stay away order for the girls and my peace of mind, but attorney fees are the big issue. Again, have to laugh, how many people would go to over $100000 in attorney fees to fight about a darn garden hose? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I do think the girls in the DV support group will get a giggle out of how far these controlling people can go. my kids are doing good, we went shopping for groceries and the older one started cleaning out cabinets to give Stbx all the icky pots and pans.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers! I knew what I wanted was not what was going to happen, but I did good (was a bit perturbed at moments)and I made it through the day. It's a little upsetting that things won't be done for another 2 months, and I am sure I will freak out on the unknowns again then.

Well, that is the update. I am hoping to catch some sleep tonight, the next couple of weeks will be busy with work.

Blessed be,

Lori

Lori,
Those requests may just be lawyer speak. My x said her lawyer tried to get her to ask for half the sporting good equipment as well as the lawn care.

X hates sports and only equipment I have is a miderate priced set of golf clubs, and a couple old ball gloves, the kids have more stuff than I do!

As for the lawn care, she was living in an apartment at the time!!!

I think they use this stuff as negotiation ploy. He will not take the garden hose if you drop $x from support.

We should start a post of stupid stuff our x's took or requested. Mine took a picture we got for a wedding gift. It was actually the only one I liked. She didn't take the ones she searched high and low for and were relatively expensive.

[[[[[Lori]]]] May God bless you and your Daughters. I know how you feel - your ex wants a stoopit garden hose??!! Ha! Let him have the stupid thing - then go down to Dollar General or any other cheapie "Dollar" store and get another one for $5.00 I was not surprised to read your post - he wants to spend thousands upon thousands in Lawyer fees (yes they are Parasites - ask me to post some Lawyer Jokes sometime) for TRIFLING stuff.
Here's possibly a New Subject for a New Thread - "Things My Ex Fought Me For In The Divorce Court" - I have one for you: After we had gotten divorced, part of our Settlement was - 'we share all maintenance costs for our home'. OK. Fine. She lived in it and I left her 99 percent of everything as I walked away. She called me one day and said she needed me to bring over $1,50 as that was the cost of a new toilet flush handle. This was the same lady who padlocked the rest of MY personal hand tools in the shed on her property and refused to allow me to come pick up the rest of my few tools. I asked her if I could get a wrench to fix my bicycle - no I can't drive a car so I ride a bike - and she said if I 'set foot on HER property' she was calling the police. Well, isn't it strange how they want to NICKLE & DIME YOU literally to death! If it wasn't so sad, it might actually be laughable - this was ONCE a person who loved you - and they stoop to levels this low?? Sad, but true.
I pray you will find peace and comfort in your Divorce, Lori, and that God will bless you and your Daughters in all of this.
Harold

Lori,

I am sorry things didn't go as planned and isn't over yet...

And yes, I can beleive he would fight over a garden hose..

I have a question for you..were you by chance watering the lawn the day he drove past the house,
causing him to remember..Oh yeah..I want the water hose too..

Something you may need to do..pack up all those little trivial items he wants..and send them UPS or FED EX Return Reciept requested and get insurance on the package and list every item that you send in that package..and when you get his signed reciept..and you can make it that he is the ONLY person who can sign for it..that way it has HIS signature on the documents..

And anything that you buy for the house or the yard from this point until the divorce is final
keep all the reciepts so that he can't drive by the house and say "Oh I remember I left this and want this too" that way you will have proof of purchase as after he moved out..

And the thing is..it's NOT just WS who ask for these little things..BS's have been known to do the same thing..