Okay, here's the deal. My hubby and I have basically agreed that there is nothing left in our marriage, and we're (probably) getting a divorce (I've posted a few times in the Emotional Needs forum). Due to the fact that we have a 3-month old baby, we are still living together, and still sleeping in the same bed (not that anything happens, but he's made it clear that he wouldn't mind if it did even though I don't feel comfortable with it). We have a marriage counseling session (about 2 years too late) on September 27th, but neither of us is holding out much hope. I would love it to work out; he thinks he's not ready for marriage and wants to be out on his own for a while (we got together our senior year of high school, 3 1/2 years ago). So, neither one of us (ME) will file officially until after that session to see what happens.

I guess my question is, between now and then, is it weird to remain living together? Basically, everything feels normal with the exception that 1) we don't say I love you anymore (because neither of us feel love for each other anymore), and 2)we are getting along better than ever. But until this counseling session, is it a good idea to continue living together JUST for the baby's sake? We agreed to both TRY and see if we can rekindle the flame. Anyways, I was just wondering what you all thought...

Me-21
H-21 (going on 15)
2 sons-1 angel, 1 three months
married 6/01
separated 5/02-6/02
started over 7/02
faced reality 9/02
the end is in sight.....

D,

Not really sure how to answer except that I've seen on these boards there are couples who do live together while going through DV. I will pray for you and your family.

It concerns me that the 2 of you would base your M on 1 session with a counselor. It will take more than that to truly give your M a chance.

You and your family will be in my prayers

God Bless,

D.

I agree with WGTT that I would be hesitant to base my decision on what to do about a marriage on a single counseling session. That first session gives the counselor a chance to find out what is going on, you a chance to ask about counselor's credentials, and other ground laying stuff.

And more than one person here can tell you that the first counselor you see is not always a good match for you. Sometimes you have to see two or three to find the right person.

I wouldn't rush making a decision.

I lived with my now x for over 4 months after he filed. It can be done. He didn't have the decency to tell me he was filing. I just happened to overhear him telling his sister. I kicked him out of the bedroom that night. It was tough.

Have you read and tried Plan A?

As long as you are comfortable together, I think there's no harm, or anything odd about living together. Perhaps it's the lessening of expectations that has led you to a more peaceful cohabitation. Sometimes we put so much passion into our marriages that we expect the moon from mere humans who are not able to fill the order.

It is possible that you can stay together in this situation---chilling and helping each other---and things will smooth out. Sometimes if we place fewer expectations on our spouses, they actually start doing what we wish they would have done all along.

It never hurts to have all the help you can with a little one and as long as you two are comfortable, I believe it is the best situation all around.

Thanks for posting guys. Things are acutally going better than they have in long time. Maybe with the counseling, we will have a chance.

I actually posed to H to go to at least 3 sessions (it's what my work will pay for; we both went to a couple sessions a few months ago, though never together), but getting him to even go to one was a stretch. He is just really determined to get out on his own (though he's in for a rude awakening). He really doesn't think there's any possible way he could fall back in love with me. I am open to the idea though. I don't know. Hopefully he'll go to more than just the first one, but I can't make him.

Me and my ex decided together for the divorce in June of 2001, and lived together until the divorce was final september 25, 2001. Actually, i bought a house, and didn't close on mine until 10/3/01, so we actually lived together for two weeks divorced.

Sometimes it was strange, and we had some heated arguments, but it wasn't too bad. Our marriage was "not a good one" anyway, so for me, it was no different.

Was still VERY glad to finally get out and start on my own!! Getting better & better every day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />