Those 7 Words have been out my mouth more in the last 48 hours then ever in my life.

If I keep telling myself those words, maybe I can convince my heart of that.

Wife came home at 7:00 am Saturday and Sunday mornings.

For the first time in 3 months, she spent the day with the boys, but I knew what that was.

She took my two little buddies to meet her new man. Maybe it was her way to see how they interacted. I see my 7 yo last night. "We went bowling with OM".

In the span of time it took for him to get out that phrase, I went from heartbroken, to numb, to angry. I know it had to happen sooner or later, and I had pleaded with wife NOT to introduce them until the time was closer.

We have a shouting (well her yelling, me just too numb to talk) match on the front porch.

1. She'll never forgive me for the grounds I put into the papers.
2. She knows that what she did was wrong, but it felt so good.
3. Nothing left but the court room.

I have prayed Hosea 2 6:7, I have read the book of Matthew, and I prayed to the Lord for a miracle.

Right now, God has other plans it seems and I will put it all in his hands.

I know she buying a mobile home on peice of land, and he will be moving in with her there. She told me that she is never going to remarry, because she doesn't want to go through "this" again. She is using her excellent credit to buy everything that will go in it. " Because if it is all in my name, no one can tell me how to live or what to do."

So he is basically going to free load on my wife, and I know her better then anyone, he's gonna be in for one hell of a shock when the realization that she has just got a mortgage, credit card debt out the wazoo, and his car sales commission checks are not going to even dent them. Call it what goes around comes around, but I think this is God's plan. She will realize one day that all was not greener. That the words he spoke to her was more because of the challenge to be with a married woman, whom took to his advances a little harder then he thought.

She did calm down long enough for us to bang around a few ideas on the boys. I made a suggestion of Joint Physical and Legal Custody, with the time spent between the two of us. (Knowing she will be working almost every night to keep her head up), with the agreement that if she is working. The boys are at home with me, if she is off before 10pm, she is free to come get them, if not, she comes in the morning. We split the days to where the boys are with each of us on our days off, with wednesday being the odd/even scenerio. I agreed to pay support in the amount to help with the boys, and the boys only. Not to make her 700.00 month truck payment, nor her new home payment.

We agreed that all school, clothing, health, and sports activities would be 50/50, and also agreed to keep the current car insurance as is with her either paying me in advance for her truck, or for me to pay it and take it out of the weekly check to her.

So all in all...it may work, and it may not. But if you love something, let it go. Pray to the lord nightly that he answers your prayers for a reconcilation some time in the future.

And I pray for the OM, because it takes a special person to handle my wife. I did it for 10 years, and he's only seen the sweet/hurt side. Wait till she gets back to "normal".

higa:

"And I pray for the OM, because it takes a special person to handle my wife. I did it for 10 years, and he's only seen the sweet/hurt side. Wait till she gets back to "normal"."

Wait until BOTH of them get hit with reality!!

Sounds like she's doing this 2 spite you. That kind of life is pretty miserable. I hope for the best for both of you, separate or 2gether again someday...

Your stbxw and OM beleive they are building their paradise on Earth when what they're actually building is their own personal hell. Too bad there aren't going to be any front row seats to watch their fantasy will blow up right in front of their faces. They are indeed worthy of pity, especially OM.

Hey Hurting,

I have no real words of wisdom being in much the same boat that you are. However, I will recommend that you stay the course my friend. Hang tough because it very well might be that she does not come back and that you will be truly on your own. I am not trying to be the harbinger of bad tidings, however, I have realized within myself, that all the hopes and dreams of recovery can also cause you much pain as you look for any hint that she is turning around. Sometimes as I have found within the last few weeks, I think it is best to just get going on yourself as if she is not going to be with you and start planning your life accordingly. Not giving up, but not waiting around either.

She sounds very much like she is going to go through with this and I believe that she probably will continue for some time, regardless of how everything turns out for her and OM. I know that everyone on this board tries to 'pick us up" by stating that they will be "living in hell" or "awaken some day", but at least for me, those thoughts weren't any real comfort. I wish she would awaken, but I don't believe that it will happen in any time frame that will make a difference to our family. I pray every night that she looks for God, but not necessarily for her return. That is for her and God to figure out.

My life is in another direction, and if she ever turns around she will have to catch up to me if she wants to walk with me and my boys. I might love her to join us, and then again I might not by that time. I just don't know. But I know that if her path never again joins mine, that my path will be in a direction of my choice and I will be well on my way. I will no longer live my life hoping, waiting, and wishing that hers will be with me. I will no longer look to what I can do to "make her" want to be with me.

My changes are for myself and my boys. Hopefully by the time I am ready, they will make a woman very happy. If that woman is my wife, it will be on a combination of terms that we BOTH agree to rather than the anti-egalitarian dictatorship that was over the last 9 months. I was doing everything Plan A that I could. I don't knock plan A, but it didn't work for either of us, except that I truly KNOW that I did everything and can hold my head high, even when discussing my divorce.

Someday our first thought in the morning won't be of our wives. Someday we will go a whole hour without yearning for what we have lost my friend. I believe this is true with everything that I am. Someday I will have that page again that states "I love you, hurry home." Someday you will have a call that says the same. Whether it is with your current or future wife is not for either of us to decide.

I guess the one thing that I can recommend is that you don't sell yourself out like I did. When I tried to reconcile, I let her make all the rules and changed everything in my life to accommodate her desires. I thought that if I could just keep her with me, I could "win" her back and her affection would be totally for me. Well I can tell you that sometimes it just DOESN'T WORK. I absolutely showered her with love and affection. I went so overboard that she should have required a new Love Bank just to keep up with the deposits. However, as I thought I was depositing, she was allowing the checks to go uncashed so therefore nothing in truth was being accomplished other than I was becoming a better and better person during all this. That is one thing that I can absolutely thank her for, the time with her that allowed me to remember how fun it is to be doting and loving again. I thank her for that everyday, because that is the person that I used to be and want to continue being now.

So remember, don't sell yourself out. Love her, but my advice is to go your own way and start moving on. Don't lovebust, but don't "pine" for her either. I don't know, this isn't very
Plan A'ish, but I know that it is safer than what I did. But you will have to find your own comfort level and desires.

Post often and let us know even the little things. It feels good to get them out in the open.

Formerly,

I totally understand your direction. I too have found myself having brief glimmers of good feelings when I know soon she will not be in the house nightly. I will finally get a nice nights sleep, as the last thing I see wont be her stumbling in the door.

She is in The Lord's hands right now, and I pray all the time that she is protected and find him again. Not for the sake of our marriage but for the sake of my children who will be with her half the week. If her and the other man last forever I will still be able to put my head down at night with the knowledge I am an excellent father and was a pretty good husband and provider for her for 10 years.

I will always love her, and I am sure that if I meet someone later down the line, those feelings of love will not be the same as they are now, but none the less, I don't want her to be hurt, taken advantage of, or anything, but I know God will do what is needed for all of us.

OK here is you a quick update...

Wife took my proposal to her attorney, and I can say from what I know, her attorney changed a few things, like raising the support and things like that.

She also told me, that there has to be a primary custodial in joint custody. Anyone know if that is true? My wife has always repeated things that are said to her, and she said it would make the decision 51/49% with her being the custodial parent. That is the only thing that bothers me, as she said "It would leave me with the final say". That really digs at me.

Other then that until I read the changes I wont know if there is something else she is trying to snicker by me, but my attorney will take a look at them tomorrow.

I felt good about it this morning, but never figured I would have the dread in my heart right now.

i have heard about this and I agree, the 51/49 really irks me and I don't know what I will do. I am thinking that I might fight for that 51 myself. There is no reason why she should have it, especially with how she has been. I don't disparage her, but I don't cow down to her either. There are more reasons that I should have the 51 than that she should except for the Double XX chromosomes. The "mother factor" really gets me going. When the mother has shown so little regard for her family as to do what she has done.

I think that if it comes down to it, I will take the 51 and give more in support or other finances. My children mean much more to me than any amount of money. Besides, she KNOWS that whatever decisions I make WILL be in the boys best interests and since it is joint custody, she shouldn't ahve any problem with it.

Well here is an update, a small one, but it allows me to speak out a little bit.

After leaving work yesterday, I decided to go meet with my sister's pastor. Just from some prayer time, someone to talk to, etc.

She called before I got there and said she was going down to her land to meet with the contractors, and that the kids were with her. Wether she went is beyond me because she never mentioned it when we finally got home.

After leaving the church, I came home, and she was not there yet, so popped a soda, turned on the TV and just relaxed. Knowing soon that on Tuesdays this is how it will be. I wont have the boys that day, and it'll just be me and the cat. It was peaceful. Combination of putting somethings behind me, and the talk with the Pastor.

She gets home, boys run up to me and give me a hug. They sit down with the McD's the wife picked up, and I walk into the bedroom, where she is taking out my Co-Parenting proposal. I look at it, and there are mark outs, cross throughs all over from her attorney. I think to myself, well this is all shot to hell.

I read through it, and there are a few objections I make. The 51-49 thing, her having control over whom watches the kids, and her attorney's apparent apprehension of me keeping the car that is in both of our names. (Keep in mind the car has 3000 of neg. equity in it, less then 2 months old, so NO one is going to buy it, no bank is going to finance it, so I basically told her, that there was nothing we could do about it, it is my soource of transportation, so she will just have to live with the fact she is on the title with me. Not to mention I love the car.)

When I start to voice my opinion on somethings, she says, 'That's fine, we can do it that way, cross that out and put it down." The only real thing that we have butted heads on is the Primary custody thing. I am oposed to it, because it gives her veto power over everything. If she wanted to be spiteful, she could over rule me at every turn, while she says she wouldn't do that, I told her I don't trust her right now enough to go along with it.

So right now, my attorney has the proposal, and is going to take the night to digest it. He thinks I am insane for proposing it, and that I should be the Primary, from the simple fact that not only have I proven that I am the one to take care of the boys, but also my wife insists that they stay in the same school here.

I am more at peace right now then I have been, I highly recommend anyone feeling lost to go visit with a Pastor or Minister, for the simple fact that you are talking to one the Lord's.

I don't know what will come out of the one hang up on the proposal, but she stated last night she wanted this over NOW, because she was tired of being stressed out all the time. I agreed to wanting it over right now, because every time she comes into the house whether it be 1,2, 4, or 7 am, all she is doing is ripping the scab off the wound on my heart. Not to mention freeloading on me, because I am paying all the bills while she is getting her little Plantation lined up.

Before she left last night, she asked how we were going to divide the pictures in the house. She made a comment that I would probably want to take down the pictures of me and her. I told her not right now I won't. She came back with "Don't you know how upsetting it is going to be to know when you bring a woman home to this house?". I told her not to worry about that right now, because I can't trust a woman as far as I could throw them, and when the time does come, and if the woman asks who that is in the picture with me I will reply.

"That is a woman that holds a special place in my heart. Not only as the mother of my two boys, but an angel I had for 10 years."

She finished it with what I was searching to say:

"But now she is just my crazy, *****y ex-wife."

I replied, with, "yeah, that is about right."