We've been married since 1990 and our son was born in the end of 1992. He is a beautiful boy, will be 8 soon. He is everything you would want in a child, bright, above average in school, great personality, but he has had asthma and life-threatening allergies since birth. With the exception of the last year, he has been hospitalized more than a dozen times, and has at least 100 0r more emergency room visits. <P>My husband and I are very close with our son, closer than most I guess because of his illness (he almost died twice on us.) I had two miscarriages in 1996 and have been told that I can;t have anymore children.<P>My problems is...Because of our son's illness, I went through many jobs - I had to work to help pay medical expenses. ALso, when I was 5 months pregnant, my husband was terminated from his employment. He had to take whatever job he could so we could pay the house note, food, the baby, etc. Due to our financial situation going from best to worst, my husband is stuck in a dead-end job where we never see him. I developed my skills so that I could have a more flexible job to accommondate his job - but we still never see each other. (believe me that my job growth was something I had to force on my employers. We needed the money.) When we do see each other, it's like we are strangers - but we're great as parents.<P>He is grouchy, he doen't talk to me unless I ***** at him, he does do work around the house on his days off and will run errands for me. He just isn't good at intimacy.<P>I have lost my cool a few times telling him to move out or that I want a divorce, but he apologizes, blames himself for the problem and promises to do better.<P>ALl I want is a marriage with intimacy. I want to see him more often, I want us to have personal time without our son, and I want to feel that he still loves me (I know he does - I just want him to sjow it.) I try to be supportive - he has tried for 5 years to get a better job - he just hasn;t been successful.<P>Any suggestions?<P>------------------<BR>Taking my vows seriously

I guess no one can relate?

i can only relate to the feelings of not being close intimately and having a husband who worked all the time. <P>have you tried a babysitting coop, for some alone time with your husband? What about family members helping with your son?<P>Intimacy is hard when you are never around eachother and I am sure that he feels a tremendous amount of pressure regarding finances and his job. Check with your church or friends for some assistance in giving you some extra time to be together. On days off, let some of the chores slide and just do family stuff, whatever that may be. The world wont come to a stop if they don't get done. Start having fun with eachother. Read "His Needs/Her Needs". It will help a lot. Take the questionnares also.<P>i hoope that helps<BR>

Luv,<P>cleopatra is right on about getting and reading HNHN. Your H likely ha s heard that you want more intimacy but hey us guys can be dense sometimes. That is why the emotional needs questionaire is so helpful. I requires you to state specifically how you want your spouse to meet your unmet needs. Often we men want to please our wives but we really don't know what you want. Read the book (together) and fill out the questionaire!<P>Mud