My situation is very complicated. I have posted on here before, but haven't for a while. Does anyone have any thoughts on emotional abuse? I understand that I have done some terrible things, but do I deserve to be abused? <P>My husband had a long affair off and on. Decided on divorce. He left with OW. I became emotionally and physically involved with a single neighbor shortly after. I know, it's awful that it was a neighbor. Anyways, H went crazy when he found out. We lived in a month of hell, and then he tried to commit suicide. Thank God he didn't succeed. Anyways, this was his way of getting me back. He came back home, we both left the OP, and then I endured almost another 2 weeks of hell (anger, verbal attacks, threats of leaving, etc...) I was actually afraid of my H. He left again, I called OM. H came back the same night, but I continued to get my support from OM. A month went by....H was a perfect angel. I decided to end our phone relationship, and on that same day, my H found out and threw me out of the house. Currently we have been apart for 2 weeks now. H wants me to come home, but doesn't recognize the hurt I feel/have to deal with. Currently H is still talking with OW, and I am still talking with OM. Both right now are friendships. <P>Like I said....very complicated. The facts? I still love my H, and H still loves me. We just cannot agree on anything. He refuses to work on us until I come home. I am not willing to do that right now. So, currently we are at a standstill. It would be easier to just give up on my marriage and look for a better life, but for some reason I am not ready to do that. I have started counseling. H had been in counseling since suicide attempt, but has decided to call it quits. We just continue to fight each other. I don't want to fight anymore. I want to understand him and I want him to understand me. I feel that this is the only way that anything could be repaired. Any advise please!!!!! <P>just_me

I think this post does not explain what the root problem is. What needs are not being met that are causing both of you to seek affairs? <BR>What issues divide the two of you so much that you can't negotiate and can't find common ground? The affairs are just symptoms that specific needs aren't being met or conflicts not being resolved. <P>It is unfortunate that the two of you didn't seek counsel first on how to meet those needs and resolve the issues that were driving you apart. Affairs are not a solution but only create more problems. Once the affairs started, then you've got bigger problems of insecurities and lack of trust in each other developed that causes more anger, fighting, etc. <P>You both need to go back to examining what was driving you apart. Then find ways to<BR>meet those needs and reassure one another of your love and commitment. <P>Work the plans Dr. Harley has about not seeing the others anymore! They are damaging your chances of working out your marriage.

For what it's worth...<P>The point renae made about getting rid of the OP's is true. They can be a fallback, or crutch, which then gives you both an "out" or option. The will hinder true attempts to work this out.<P>In my own growth I have realized that all the good things I have managed to do without my W living with me probably are more solid changes than if I thought shebe here and would forgive any backsliding I might do. [crutch] It angers me that she has not recognized the new me yet but I continue to hope.<P>A book I discovered at home called "Trust" by an Ira Tanner has been the biggest new tool for this. You may see, as I did, the things you BOTH have done or are doing to each other. It's the first book I have received any useful information.<P>rrunrr<BR><P>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.<P>Never take trust for granted.