With much apprehension and self doubt, I let a friend of mine set me up on a date tonight. I just got home. This is something I told myself I would never do, ecpecially so soon. It went ok but I continually thought of my current situation and thought it was terribly unfair of me to be with this woman. All my thoughts were of my W and I could not enjoy the company of another woman. She was very nice and VERY beautiful but that makes no difference to me at this point. I only want to be with my W for now and always. This is so much harder then I have ever imagined it could be. I am not ready for this. How will I know when, if ever, I am ready to "date" again?? Will I ever be ready?? I am so confused!!

John

John -

4 weeks is TOO SOON!

You have not had time to even disgest what is going on in your life right now.

Now is the time to take some time for you - get divorced first before you even start to date- if that is even what you want.

This is marriagebuilders remember - have you read about Plan A and Plan B. Have you filled out the questionnaires about Emotional Needs and Love Busters as if you were your wife - have you stopped Love Busting?

YOu are probably trying to move on quickly so that you don't have to deal with the pain of the situation. No one wants to deal with the reality of what is happening but you have to face it in order to be able to work through it and move on.

At the very least you should want to figure out why your wife left and what makes a good marriage so that you will not have to go through this again if there is a wife #2. This can be accomplished by reading the info. in this site, counseling and really looking at yourself and learn about you and what really happened to cause your wife to leave like this.

You will also need a support system of family, friends, counselor, support groups and God.

Don't worry, you will know when it's time to date again, but if you really have to ask of you are ready then the answer is - no you're not ready, and if you push it too soon, what do you really have to offer someone else if you haven't done the grieving for the loss of the marriage.

Take things slowly. Don't make any major decisions in a rush. Give your wife some time and space, work on you and just handle it one day at a time.

K

God is in Control couldn't have said it better!
It's just too soon. And you are still married until the divorce is final.

John,

Ezra and GIC are 100% RIGHT ON!

Four weeks is not long. I've been separated going on ten months and can't even imagine dating yet. But that's just me, everyone is different.

I know without a doubt my M is over but am taking some "time off" so to speak. I've seen some friends jump into relationships soon after a separation or a divorce. None of them worked.

If you find yourself thinking of your W on a date with someone else that should speak volumes to you. You're not ready man.

Not to mention you're questioning yourself, that is a big RED FLAG! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You said you want to be with your wife? So do I, and she has done some unsavory things to me, but I love her. I know it's the influence of the OM and the fog she's in. But guess what? After all this time she may be starting to come around. After a very hurtful incident last week (to me at least)she finally called me. This is a MAJOR milestone for us. I have no clue what will happen with us but I encourage you to give your M the best shot you can. If of course, it's what you want.

If it doesn't work out you'll know when you're ready to start a new R. You will.

Best Wishes