OK Well tomorrow is the day the I go for my divorce it should be pretty simple we have agreed on everything - it should be one of those in and out things - I know it is wierd I am very lucky in that respect - but it is funny I have been dreading this day for so long and I am not even sure it is what I truly want - I only know it is what he wants - so it is what is happening - and its funny everyone keeps calling me to wish me luck tomorrow and they are asking me how I am feeling - and you know what I am really not feeling anything - I really thought that I would be in hysterical mode by now but its wierd I am somewhat calm... Tomorrow after everything is overwith I will probably break down - and now questions - He still has the key to my house - should I get it back?? Should I let him go out of my life ??? Should I not let him try to be my best friend like he wants?? There are so many questions - it is like I am an enabler letting his somewhat have the best of both worlds - I think I cannot get mad because I am afraid if I do I am going to loose him - but you know what I really have already lost him and I will be divorced tomorrow and it will be final on December 17 - so I am back to the how do I let go - I still love him - I think he is making a huge mistake and never wanted to work on the marriage - I think he is having a total midlife crisis and I am afraid that he is gonna crash and burn - or want to come back and I am not gonna want him.... How do I go on with my life ?? How do I make the change from married with children to divorced with children - Does anyone have any good advice???

Sorry, I don't have any advice but I can offer thoughts and prayers. My divorce court date was 2 weeks ago and I actually handled it well. I was angry and sad but it was ok that it was over. I needed to break my connection with XH for so long. We had been separated 17 months so it was time. I don't see how people handle it when the divorce happens so rapidly.

Good luck to you. I know those are empty words but they are sincere. I hate that anybody has to endure the pain of divorce and I understand completely about the awkward feeling of how to live and communicate once divorce is over.

Over the weekend we got over 6 inches of rain. My downstairs den and laundry room flooded. I needed my H but did not call him. I knew he would come if I asked but I cannot depend on him. He lives with OW and I have to deal with it. I do not have to accept it but I do have to deal with it.

I do not want him back and I've found that if I try to be his friend, it gives the wrong impression. In your case, it sounds as if you still want to reconcile so I can't offer you any advice. I just pray you find peace with whatever happens.

God bless,

PP

I will be praying for you and am now. I think the D marks a time to move on to plan B. Think you should be protecting yourself and whatever love for WH left in your heart. There is indeed a waiting period before it is truly final and think that you should just read more MB principles and see what is best now. Know after finishing up strong with a good plan a here, I will after D is done move into immediate B so he knows once and for all that he has lost me. You are right, he is living with best of both worlds. He is probably the proverbial cake eater as is Austin Powers. Take back your slice of cake now. Work on you. Pray and get involved in your life. Your kids' lives. Find a divorce recovery class at a church with a huge single's dept and depend on God for now to be your H. That's what I did. He's been a good and faithful one to be sure. Mine is not close to being final yet, but been filed for a year now.

I pray God grants you a silent peace and dignity tomorrow. Enter that court with your head held high. You are a lady. You did what you know is right and best. You are so much better for having fought the good fight. Respect is yours. Claim it and own it.

Dear God, please help my friend and her children tomorrow. Be their husband and father. Shine through her tomorrow and be a beacon to all who know her. We know that you hate D, but we must remember that in the end, all evil is already defeated. She with your help will overcome this situation. Send your Holy Spirit to comfort her and the children as they enter this new and strange beginning. I pray your Holy Spirit descend down upon her H and convict him of his choosing the world over his family. Pierce his hardened heart with your love and your word. We know it may not happen anytime soon. But this precious family will be healed in Your time. We know our friend here will prevail. Sometimes we don't understand Your will for our lives but we must trust you and I ask you to take this M and family.

That was just a small prayer. I ask you tonight to take yourself out of this equation and do what you can do. Lay the M at the foot of the Lord. Give it to Him now. May peace be with you tonight. Let us know how you are tomorrow. WE are prayer warriors here and are so sorry to hear about this. Remember, this horrible feeling will too pass one day.

Thank you very much Peoplepleaser and Not Peachy - I will try my hardest to hold my head high and survive the day - though this night sleep is evading me - to much on my mind I guess.. I sometimes think that I want my husband back and other times I know that I couldn't be with him I don't trust him and he has never done anything to change that - but maybe my problem is that I have also never let him go - Well thank you again for your prayers...

maw64,

You will be in my prayers. Here's what I say to myself in situations that make me feel uneasy " I am calm and confident, I am calm and confident, I am calm and confident......" Pretty soon I believe myself ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

God Bless,

D

me, too, maw. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sending you some good thoughts for your day tomorrow. Know that I will be sleepless tonight with you, but maybe sending you good thoughts will help me to let go, too.

{{{maw}}} a hug for you.

Lori

I too will hold you in my prayers. What a HORRIBLE thing to have to endure! I still have the same feelings you have - still love my husband, or at least think I do. Anyways, I'm with all the others: hold your head high, and take delight in knowing you are walking with God. -nel

Try to stay focused on yourself and moving forward with your life. He made his choices and what ever happens to him happens you have no control over him. the only thing you can control now is how you choose to move forward. I know it is difficult but it does get better. Let the anger drive you to better things,it is important to feel the anger it is part of moving on.

Hello - everyone - I have decided to stay home from work today - so I don't have to deal with people - I am thinking that I am numb and in disbelieve that this is really happening.. Thank you Will Get Thru This, Bangarra, Natasha and Jabber - You are all really great support - I know this is going to be a hard day - but I also know that I have been going through this for a year and it is finally time to let him go - I am hoping in the long run he will figure out that it is his loss - I mean he may be leaving me but I have my two beautiful daughters, a house we just built two years ago, friends - all of you included and my family - and he has nothing - Except after today maybe his freedom and I am thinking he isn't going to be as happy as he thinks - I am really going to try and move on - and I will be calm, confident and collected - I will make it through this - I am thinking maybe major breakdown once I walk out of court but I will make it through- Thanks again for all of your support... I will post tonite with an update for anyone who is interested - thanks again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !!

You were in my prayers today. Stay strong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you very much - EVERYONE - I actually went to court and survived and I haven't even freaked out - my husband or should I say ex husband and I went out for a drink afterwards I know not normal - but he wants to be friends so right now I am ok with that - I still techically don't know why he wanted this divorce - I was willing to work on the marriage and he wasn't - so I must move on - he will always be in my life and if I can be his friend for my childrens sake then that is what I am going to do. I don't know it is wierd but I am going to start finally getting over him - I told him I didn't want him hanging around the house anymore and I don't want to know if he has any girlfriends - so I will just be friends for now I guess - until the next time I get freaked about this whole divorce situation - so I am divorced just waiting for the official paper in 30 days then completely final in 90 days after that - so -- I made it and I appreciate all of your prayers and thoughts - Thank you again...

(((((((((((((maw64)))))))))))))

I am in tears reading about your day. (Been doing a lot of that lately)

Take good care of yourself & do something special, something unique. Post when you've done it (whatever it is) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

God Bless,

D.

You are a fine lady of grace and courage. God's blessings were indeed with you today. You showed bravery and lots of class, being able to show your WH that you are above this situation. And you are right not to let him come back around the house.

This new independence may be just the thing for him to see. There are 3 months of waiting and alot can happen in 90 days. Call and see if Harleys can help or get a good MB counselor using those principles nearby. I am praying for you and sending you an e hug ((((((((hugs and prayers)))))) to you and the kids. God's comforting grace has held you and kept you thus far. You endured and are doing so well. It is so hard and I am sorry this day came. But tomorrow is another day and so much can happen positively for both You and with XH in the next three months. Find out if you should be in A or B...I am thinking to do an awesome A in the next week or two and then go to B...He has to see the reality of his choices. Read posts in A/B. Ask redhat and Orchid for advice. Orchid got soooo close to the edge in her M but they are doing well in recovery now. Also Zorweb did great too. Now is the time to get tough and use the principles. Either way, you are the winner. You are strong and standing tall. We are with you and will be here. Let us know how you are and how it goes. Alot of us, including myself, will face this day probably sooner than we think and you are an inspiration to me.

And I agree--go and do something special for yourself. Go to day spa and get a wrap or pedicure. Let xH see you doing things for yourself now. I agree that you should not ask about his girlfriends. Why? Because you not inquiring of his whereabouts will make him wonder what YOU are doing..After all, today was your independence day and he has to face the music. Focus on you now. That is part of plan A.

You did so wonderfully ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Willgetthruthis - well I don't know what I can do for unique - but I am still ok - I am going to be ok - but I know I will have a meltdown at somepoint when the reality sets in... But I know I will be ok - I am actually getting a puppy on October 11 - so we are excited about that - You know I guess that I have to just be strong and be friends with my exhusband for my childrens sake - it definately makes it easier on them and they are my top priority - So tomorrow I am getting up at 6:00am and going to Curves to excercise and I am going to start my new life - divorced - !!! I will get thru this - I am stealing your name <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !! Why have you been crying?? I think that I am getting to the point that I have shed enough tears over this man he doesn't deserve anymore - and the simple fact that I know he is not happy and he is definately lost helps me.... I hope he finds himself !! I hope you are feeling better - thank you for your concern... Mimi

NotPeachy - You must have been posting when I was - Actually that is just the thing that I was discussing with my husband - even though we have been seperated for about 6 months and now divorced he still hasn't been without me - because when he calls I answer - I talk to him - I still love him but I really need to let go because he needs to feel the effect of not having me in his life... I am really basically getting along with him because of my kids - I have two great girls and I do not want them screwed up in any way as a result of this divorce - I encourage them to talk - I tell them it is ok to be angry and that I am angry but that right now this is what Dad wants - who knows what will happen in the future - He really is a lost soul and he needs therapy but still hasn't decided to get it - I am in therapy so I am working on myself - I am going to become my top priority... My kids have cut down their activities so we are going to spend more time together the three of us - and I need to get a life because that is the one thing he doesn't think I will ever do - because through all of this I have always been there for him - Now I am going to try and limit all communications between us just about the kids - and then not even in much detail.. My oldest who is 12 told me tonite - don't worry Mom you will be normal again..So I am going with that.. Thank you for your kind words... and thank you for including me in your prayers - and good luck to you also... Mimi

Mimi -

I was thinking abd praying for you too.

Glad you survived this day.

I didn't really know how to feel either. It's hard to explain to anyone who has not gone through it.

I'm glad that you are now embarking on focusing on YOU! Your Ex needs to realize the consequences of his actions. And it means that he is no longer #1 on your list - you are and your kids are.

It will be an adjustment at first and you can still go to counseling if you need to to get through the transition period - especially if you still find yourself clinging to Ex. It's also a good time to really look at the family history and past to figure out at leas ta little bit why things happened the way they did so that you can pass this knoweldge down to your kids.

The info, I have learned will prove to be invaluable to my children because I see now what kind of person Ex was and why he was like that and why I was drawn to him, and I don't want my kids to either turn out like him or marry someone like him.

This is also a great time to bond with the kids and really get close. They will need you too during this period of adjustment, and it can be a time of healing for all.

Hang in there. There is life after divorce! K

Wow, Maw, you did great! Being able to go out for a drink w/ him and be friendly...awesome! You have shown him what a great person you are and what he is giving up. You have shown such courage, grace, and stability thoughtout this. I know how difficult it has been and want you to know how absolutely proud I am of you! You can hold your head high!
BH

Hello - God is in Control & Brokenhearted... I am actually feeling really good today - it is like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I survived - GodisinControl- I really don't know what happened - he basically lost his mind one day and he still hasn't got it back - I am not sure if he ever will but he is guilty - so that works in my favor because we get along... He says I wasn't his best friend - which is a crock - and I hope to see the day that he wakes up and realizes that I still am - I am going to try and not talk to him except for the kids issues because he doesn't deserve the right to be part of my life anymore - he chose not to be... So I hope that I can find someone else to take my mind off of him - just a diversion mind you - I am not interested in anything right now... Brokenhearted - thank you for thinking that I was so strong but I pretty much think that I have cried an ocean over this issue and I am done - he wants to be friends so as he puts it - he doesn't hate me he just doesn't love me like that anymore - well ok - I got the hint finally we are divorced... So now I must let go - and let him realize just what he lost.... Hopefully someday he will get his head out of the clouds - who knows - thanks again for all your concern...

Mimi,

So, you are doing some things for YOU FOR A CHANGE.

Mimi,

So, you are doing some things for YOU FOR A CHANGE. This is awesome! Have you got a game plan for YOU AND KIDS getting through this? Think your xh SOUNDS like a proverbial cake eater. Take away the good slice of cake (you) and leave him with whatever stale stuff if there and what you may not know about. Have you thought about A and B? These are the good steps here, I think. He is still in your life. You've been kind and loving despite his response. Do a short but good plan A, which will help YOU and then go to B but only after applying principles here. Then you go cold turkey B. He needs to see it. Either way, you will work on you and by depositing in his LB, you are exhausting yours. If and when you go to B, then you are letting him see what is life gonna be like when YOU ARE GONE. You may want to do B now, but only if you are ready and have done a pretty good A. And yes, you can date now. Don't think your xH is ready for that but hey, that is what SINGLE people do, don't they?

Glad you are doing well today. Oh, and I got the SAME EXCUSES FOR WH'S AFFAIR AND FOR D. Those are ABSOLUTE LIES AND EXCUSES. In book LMBT, the same excuses are listed as rationalizations for being selfish and breaking apart M's. Classic textbook stuff designed to make them feel good about themselves and their selfish choices. Be kind but YOU FOG HIM NOW. Do you live in a fault state? Have you been fair to YOU and the kids in the settlement? So many times we go easy on the WS because we want to appease them and keep them from going and they think and make us think that us being "hard" on them in the D is against reconciliation and that is just not true either. Remember, you cannot trust someone who has broken a promise, a vow to not only YOU, BUT YOUR KIDS AND TO GOD as well. If settlement isn't as good or fair, you still have the waiting period to deal with this.

Forget about him for a change. Let him join my WH Austin Powers and they can run amuck together. ha ha.

I am going to gym now. Will checkin later and myself post.