I am 22 years old and I was seeing a married man, he is 36.I had never had done anything like this before and wont ever again, but he had had affairs repeatedly over the ten years they had been married. It started out innocent.. I met him at a bar when i was out with my roommate. He and my friend spent the night talking and joking and exchanged numbers and oddly enough I didn't really notice him that night.He was in our area for schooling for three months. We talked on the phone a few times when he was trying to get ahold of my roommate, but one night he became interested in me and asked me to meet him at a club and hang out. I looked upon him as an older brother type and thought I would go hang out with him have a good time.Except when I got there everything got extremely messed up. I had a couple beers and then I was sneaking out of his hotel room because I didn't want to have to look at him in the morning... I was disgusted with myself. I continued seeing him for two months even though I wasn't ok with the relationship and I wasn't in any way ok with what I was doing. One night we went out and when we got back to his hotel his wife had called to tell him my sister had called her and told her about our affair...needless to say for me it ended right there.I left and went home and he spent the rest of the night on the phone with either me or his wife begging me to call her and tell her it was a lie.she had suspected his past affairs and wanted proof either way and wanted to talk to me because he had told her that we were just friends. he made me feel like I was the only one who could save his marriage for him so after him begging for two days I did it...all i could think about was their two boys. My roommate however had over heard my end of the conversation and hit re-dial after i left the room and called her back to let her know that I was lying for him. His wife called me later that night and let me know what my roommate had said and I freaked and hung up on her, but my family and roommates were working on me to call her back to tell her the truth for ever. Which I did and I am wondering if in calling her and telling the truth I did the right thing. I didn't mention the past affairs because I didn't see the point in adding to his troubles, but I felt like if he loved her like he said he did then the only way for them to work past it was for her to know the truth and him to admit to it.She asked questions and I answered them mainly after I told her that I had called and lied for him.But was it right of me to decide that she got to know the truth??? And I also just wanted to pubically say I am sorry for what I did... it was wrong and vile. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I did.

Dear Monylove,<P>I admire your ability to admit your mistake. It takes guts to face up to your responsibility in a situation like this. <P>My H had a brief fling with a girl 21 y.o. and your story and mine have some parallels. It stung for a moment when I read your post because, to me, you are just like that OW my H was with. But in this place, there are no judgements -- only support. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your story with us.<P>As far as wondering whether you did the right thing in being truthful with his wife -- I believe that it was right. Remember, you have to live with *yourself* after all is said and done and, if you walk away from it knowing that you lied, you would have to carry that around with you the rest of your life. The man you were with is a liar and a cheat -- his poor wife deserves to know the truth so she can deal with him on that level. Let them deal with it from here on out. There is probably many things she doesn't know the truth about because he has kept his affairs hidden from her. <P>If she makes any further contact with you, be honest and truthful but try your best to be tactful -- remember, she's probably hurting. You may even want to extend to her your regret and ask for forgiveness. She may not want to say she forgives you right now, but over time it may help her with her own healing process. I agree it's not your job to disclose his other indiscretions -- just deal with this one. Let her know you will have nothing further to do with him -- and mean it! You might consider telling her about this website. Once all is out, it would be best to ask her NOT to contact you anymore -- do NOT form any kind of alliance with her -- that just keeps you involved and would benefit no one. It keeps the wounds open for both of you.<P>If HE contacts you, tell him to get lost -- be done with him for good. Nothing good can come from having contact with him. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you -- get on with it. <P>By being truthful you can find a way to forgive yourself and get past this. Truthfulness can be very cleansing for the spirit. It sounds like you learned a valuable lesson as well -- I hope you carry it with you the rest of your life. <P>If you spend enough time here on this board, you can also discover what it takes to build a happy marriage so that when that day comes, you can have the benefit of this knowledge.<P>Thank you, again, for sharing. I know it must have been hard to do.<P>Love and prayers,<BR>KristyAnn <P>[This message has been edited by KristyAnn (edited August 26, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by KristyAnn (edited August 26, 2000).]

Thanks for replying. I broke off all contact with him before i told his wife the truth. I wouldn't anser the phone when he was calling while we were still in the same state. Everything was a mess...my phone was ringing every fifteen minutes and would ring eight or nine times in a row. I stuck to my guns though and even though its only been a month hehas only tried to call nce. I was tactful when I spoke to her and have made no further contact with her mainly she wanted to know if it was a casual thing or if we had spent a great deal of time together. As far as intimate details she will have to get those fom him. I think it best that she not know personally. It was very hard for me to post this topic. I know women are especially going to be hard on me...I was like that too before this. Now though I try not to judge, but definitly I wont make this mistake again ever!!