Hello. I have been in a relationship with my now husband for 4 years. We recently got married June 17th. I found out at the beginning of the relationship that he was on drugs. Knowing this, I still continued the relationship, thinking that I could help him. No help has come yet. I have pleaded with him to get help, and he has always promised to do so, but nothing. Two weeks ago, I got so fed up, not know if he had done drugs that day or not, I packed up his things, and took him to his mothers, just to hear the same promises and allowed him back. This problem has broken me down so much, emotional and mentally. Having to go through this with my father all my life, then go through it again, is not fun. It has made me an unloving wife, to the point I don't want to have sex with him, or sleep in the same bed with him. i barely talk to him, and as far as affection and romance, that is out the question on my part. He is a wonderful guy. He takes care of me and my children, which are not his. He works, everything, he's just the most adorable man in the world. We have a wonderful relationship outside of all this, and like I told him, this one thing is keeping me from loving you the way that I want to, the way that I should, this one thing is making us lose our marriage. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so uncaring at this point, but if I'm going to be uncaring, I prefer to do it without him. Please help me...<P>------------------<BR>E.D.C

Dear Faddyboo:<P>Your relationship falls into what is known as "co-dependency". It goes in cycles. He gets real bad into his drugs, you threaten to leave him or you move out, he promises to straighten up, you take him back, he cleans up for a while (sort of), then he gets real bad into his drugs again, and on and on. Sound familiar? I know the cycle well. My first H was/is an alcoholic.<P>You should know first of all that you can't *fix* him -- you can only take the necessary steps to help yourself deal with it and encourage him to get *himself* straightened out.<P>If you haven't already, you should look into finding a good support group for people that are in the exact same situation. "Ala-non" is the equivalent for people in a relationship with and alcoholic. I know there is a chapter dedicated to those who are with drug abusers but I can't for the life of me remember what it is called (anyone know???).<P>Part of the program includes exhibiting "tough love" -- not "enabling" them to continue doing what they're doing. It also involves taking care of you and the emotions that you're dealing with. <P>Remember, there are no guarantees in life, but at least you can work toward being a stronger person.<P>I'll say a prayer for you,<BR>KristyAnn<P>