Well, here I am. Started out in recovery forum until I found out that W still was in contact with OM. Then went to GQ forum until D-Day #7. Contacted attorney last Friday by fax to get D started. So now I am here until it's done or a miracle happens <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

W is still clinging on to me and I have not made any stupid moves (i.e. OP, leaving bedroom, etc.) that would normally occur with D. She filed against me twice last year and stopped both times but couldn't stop her EA with OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So now I'm in a "dead zone". Waiting for the next episode and what it may bring. In Mich the wait is 60 days before any depositions can be taken. Our next and probably last MC appointment is Monday. She still sees IC. Her last visit to IC was last night. No discussion at all about her session and I didn't ask.

I will be out of town on business Thursday and Friday but have no desire to do anything stupid then either. Funny...I have very little desire to do much of anything anymore. My desire to check up on her is just about gone. Guess I've reserved myself to the fact that I don't even want to know anymore. Each time I thought the other shoe was going to drop, it did, like an anvil. But after 7 anvils, I feel like a cartoon character that has had one dropped on his head 7 times. Woozy, seeing stars, barely functioning.

So, here I am...in my own 'dead zone'.......

Doogie...
Sorry to hear that your "W" is still seeing "OM" and your recovery has taken a turn for the worse.
I know that feeling of having the anvil dropped on your head.
It does take the wind out of your sails.
Has all of your "W's" "A's" been with the same "OM" or is this someone new?
As you well know, the ride doesn't get any better from here... but, hopefully you both will be able to work through this.
It appears that you have had several recoveries, so who knows?
Take care of yourself, and stay the course (wait and see what the next move she makes is).
Save yourself the pain of checking up on her... it will do you more harm than good and I don't think you need that right now.
Concentrate on yourself for now, as well as your children... it will help get you through this.
As far as the "dead Zone" is concerned... you won't stay in the "Dead Zone" for long, something will have to give.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace-

The W had (has) one A and there was never any recovery. She has been in contact for 14 months now with the longest time between contact being 5 weeks (as far as I know). I was in the recovery forum only because I thought we WERE recovering only to find out she lied again and again.

Even our kids say I (we) should do 'something' and get on with our lives. Since W can't seem to kick the OM habit, I am going to save myself.

Doogie,
My mistake... I saw in your sig. line that you had seven D-Days for almost a year... was under the impression that you had gone into recovery.

<small>[ September 18, 2002, 01:51 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi doogie,

I can relate to posts - had multiple ddays too - took all the dates off my sig line but many of them are close to yours. Don't feel like checking up any more not sure if I'm numb or truly moving on.

There are so many great people on this board (and MB as a whole). Sorry you are in the position you are in, but you will be in my prayers.

God Bless,
D.

Doogie,

Sorry to hear about this. I had as many D days as you did. But it is funny, when it all gets out in the open, it took me filing for D and for whole family and friends to find out that A finally (i still think so according to stbx and others) that his A with monkeyho died a natural yet very selfish hedonistic death.

The analogy of the cartoon character is what I can relate to. But mine is more like a movie. That would be Austin Powers. Mine was wildest I think. Moved three states away into dream house H and I built just to find out that his OW back three states away was spending the night and flying into town staying in posh suites and flying to South Beach w/him, islands, etc. Meanwhile, I was the full time mom, housekeeper, cook, etc. Basically I was the one to take care of the manor while the lord went out a hunting. Like a cheap dimestore novel. But I did not take it anymore. Unlike the former first lady, I didn't sit back and let it continue. Finally took enough.

And like Wallace said, the ride doesn't get any easier b/c you finally say you want to get off of it. The ride goes a whole lot faster and there are new twists and turns and your stomach ends up in your throat once the legal wheels get spinning. But the ride will soon end. When you make the decision that IT WILL AND MUST STOP. When you get there, only you will know when that happens. I just got there. And it feels like a ton is off your back.

What helped me is remembering how the WS's babble on and on not really making any sense. Don't fall for their words. They don't even know what they are saying. REad some other posts about babble and such. I feel for you. I also thought I was in recovery last year until I found out Ms. Monkeyho was w/Austin in South Beach staying in a $500 a nite suite. Boy, she was one expensive call girl if I might say so. Just remember, the end of this ride is when YOU SAY IT IS SO.

Let Go, find any laughter where you can to lighten the load. Work on you. Let W think you are getting on with it. Funny thing happens when you get on with it and even are only trying to do it. The daily act of just doing that gets so much easier with time. One day the WS will just shake her head b/c you got on with it and she realized she can't anymore without you. If and when that day comes, you will decide.

It is all in how you perceive things. I read a book recently that opened my eyes. Reality is pretty much how we perceive it. Yep, your WW is living la vida loca, but you can see this differently for you. A chance to somehow better yourself. REally do the plan A right. And when time comes for B and the big D, do it in style. Remember the ball is in YOUR court, that is if you view it as such.

Will be praying for you. Only got this tough after last week admitting to myself that I wanted off this ride forever. If WH ever wants to get off that ride and put his feet upon solid ground again and repent, then that will be a different story but I am not holding my breath any longer.

Thanks for your input. NPinG...you are absolutely right about the ride. When D-Day #6 hit, I told W is was taking myself out of her threesome game and off the merry-go-round ride. Called my attorney back in July but cancelled b/c she practically begged me to. The ride is like a merry-go-round b/c you never make progress and find yourself back in the same place over and over. Like a merry-go-round ride it can and will make you sick.

My nerves actually made me ill on July 4th over #6 and stomach tied in knots when I thought seriously about starting D. But #7 changed all that. Like you said, numbness takes over... almost like a different kind of fog...but this one is NOT pleasant, unlike the WS fogs.

I now am thinking about the MC session coming Monday. MC said 2 weeks ago that "if either one of us tells another lie, we should throw in the towel". W will have to confess to MC that she lied in that session about no contact. W will try to convince MC that she can change...

Monday may be the final turning point...

Your children are giving you good advice to finalize the divorce and move on. Maybe reality may set in once she sees that her affair has destroyed her marriage. This realization by your wife will change the type of relationship that she has with the OM. As long as you were in the picture there was no pressure on the OM to make the relationship into a more pernament one.
As a single woman the excitement of sneaking around will be gone. The OM will be available anytime she wants him. After a while that novelty will wear off and the question of whether the OM will want a future with her will come up. The chances being that he will move on to greener pastures. The end result being she becomes a lonely divorced woman.

welcome to this place of absolute loving caring people, people who know what to say and why....
I am sorry tohere you story, but God does do some wild things for some wonderful reasons, however listen to what everyone has to say in here, they are all the best there ever was....
"fall down seven times, get up eight", sorry the book of quotes is at work, so I don't remember who said that....lol
b

{{{doogie}}},
I too moved from recovery forum to D/D forum. My H and I went to MC with SH and 2 others, since whenever the focus was on him, he accused them of being on my "side." My H promised he was working on reconciliation over and over. I don't even count all the discoveries of lies as D-days because they'd be too numerous.

It's hard when you've been together for so long. "For better or worse," the WS is a big part of your life history...

Good luck. You're in the right place.