I don't even know where to start. this is going to be kind of long but I really need some help.

I have been married for 4 years wiht a really rocky relationship. We are now separated and have been since February. My husband found an IM message between my girlfriend and I givning details about a recent date I had had and I mean details. the man and I were intimate.. .he kicked me out, threatened to take custody of our son .. .(he's 4) we worked all that out and have talked nothing about reconciling and I was ok with that because I thought I didn't want him anymore. . .I have started seeing people and he recently confided in me that he is seeing someone.

My big problem is that all this time I was so at peace with what we were doing I honestly felt bad for the mistake I had made and hurting him but I felt like we were not meant to be together. . .NOW all of a sudden I feel like I want my family back.. like I made a huge mistake. . .we have joint cusotdy of our son so I see my husband quite often bt we never ever discuss US. .. .never. . .. we are quite coridal and help each other out where our son is concerned but it goes no further. ..a few times when we were getting off of the phone he said LOVE YOU and I didn't know what to say because he immediately said oh sorry. .. I don't know how to tell him I would like to talk about us. . A part of me knows that he would never take me back but I want him to know how i feel.. .as it stands he thinks that I am content not being with him and he does seem content as well . .. I don't know what to do..I want to tell him I love him, I need him and I have changed and recognize the value of him and our family .. .but I don't know where to start. .so much has been said and done and there is no trust between us.. .please help I am desperate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am so sorry to see anyone in a position like this, it sounds as though niether one of you have had any communication for some time, and that is a very important part of reconciliation. Have either of you seen a IC, or have you two just been drifting along these waters with no paddle, wondering what is going to happen next?
I am far from being qualified to answer your questions, but I assure you that there are good loving people in here that can.
Let me say this though, the children are the most important right now and it sounds as though you are doing the right things in that area.
I pray you keep on looking for the answers, and be there for your H and child. It is a damn rough road ahead so I would get as much help as you can.
in His name...b

little me-

It sounds like you need to decide what you want to do.

Read the info. on this website about marriages and about Plan A and love busters. See if you want to try and applyh these principles to try and get your marriage back on track.

If you decide to do this then you need to stop seeing other people and work on the marriage.

You may also want to read Surviving an Affair by Harley it may even help you understand why you did what you did. His Needs Her Needs by Harley is also a good book that may put into words what happened in your marriage that allowed the affairs.

You may want to give your marriage another shot. It will be some work to show your H that you are sincere, but it's possible, and would be a great thing for your son.

What's the worse that could happen if ou tried? You'd just be in the same place as you are now.

What's the best thing that could happen?
You could have an incredibly happy marriage.

Do some reading so that you can make a good decision.

K

I too second the advice that God is in control gave you and I would just add that you post this thread in the infidelity board titled General Questions because not only are you not divorced/divorcing but also because there are many more people there in your situation that can advise and support you with their experiences.

Good luck and God bless.

LM

He is hurt, you are hurt. You have come to some great realizations and if saving your M is really something you want to explore you have to talk to him. I know it is hard but it must start somewhere. My advice is to go to him in brokenness and humility and talk to him about your feelings. Make it safe for him to open up as well by explaining where you are and leaving blame out. Likely, he still loves you too, but reconciliation does not have a chance unless you talk.

Talk to the Harleys or get your pastor or a biblical counselor involved to help both of you to work through this together in love.

1 Corinthians 7

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

Matthew 16:25
For whoever wants to save his life[ 16:25 The Greek word means either life or soul; also in verse 26.] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

Give up self and and aproach this in humility. Read your bible and do the right thing in the right way.

God bless.