Hello Everyone -
I'm sure this has been hashed a million times on this board but my 24th Wedding Anniversary is on Monday the 23rd. Can anyone give me some pointers on how to handle it? This is my month for Monday's I guess. Closed on sale of house on a Monday, Anniversary on a Monday and our final court date is Monday the 30th.
I know I don't love the man that he has become but still feeling apprehensive on how to handle it. Don't plan on contacting him or anything.
I will work Monday during the day but the evening is going to drive me nuts.
Thanks for your support and suggestions.

Boy, do I know how you feel. I hate it when I start connecting days to triggers events. I knew from the forum to not expect any thing different in actions from WS & to take care of myself. So for my anniversary I made plans with a friend because I knew WS wouldn't do anything different from the last 5 years.

You are connecting Mondays to events, for me it was August. WS served papers, 25 anniversary was 5 days later & then, I turned 45 two weeks later.

Fortunately, (FOR ONCE - thank-you all) I listened to the advice from many others on this board to go out & do something. I had made plans to go out with a friend & her young daughters. She knew nothing about anniversary & with her young girls around we never talked about WS. It was the best anniversary gift & I gave it to myself. Both of my kids had been away from home, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> so I couldn't count on their activites to keep me distracted. I totally enjoyed the day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> A little sad later, but not missing the man WS is today.

I read you have a s-15, treat him & friends to pizza & bowling or go out with some of your friends. I felt having the kids around help me to not concentrate on the negative events. They were so much fun to watch.

This first month after the dv filing , has been hard. I started making plans for what I call trigger days. I treated my s-16 & his friend to a college football game while I visited with my college daughter. It was great because there was no tension during the 10 hour drive & I just enjoyed family w/o WS. We stopped at MIL so she could visit with son & she asked what I did for my birthday. I said I enjoyed making my son & daughter happy by arranging for them to see each other & that was my b-day gift to myself.

I am so glad that I didn't stay home those days & I was with friends & family.

Call a friend & go to a spa & get a message, treat yourself. Prayers are with you. Hope this helps, I have not responded to many posts, because I am usually the one asking for help.

Vega has really given you some great advice. I also was married 22 years--been together for 25. Those special days are really difficult.

It does help to actually plan something with someone. Keeping active helps to keep your mind off of it. Hope you have a great day. Pat

Ditto and Amen to the "keep yourself busy" advice. My 26th anniversary was a few days ago, and I had a good day! Was busy at work (they all knew the date)and they made sure to show me extra love that day. Then went out with friends that evening who didn't know the date, and it was very good also.

I did send a "thinking of you" type of card to WH, nothing mushy at all, just wanted to acknowledge the date in some way. Ironically he sent me almost the same thing. And my MIL sent me a note too - she too realizes he's being an idiot, LOL.

So stay busy, make tons of plans that benefit YOU ...tell whoever you want, or don't, whatever works! I hope you have a great day with WONDERFUL, NEW memories!

I had the lack of intelligence to get married on Valentine's Day. The bid day for lovers. Wouldn't you know!

I have a good friend who did the same thing. Her h died of AIDS.

Needless to say, we have survived beautifully and are grateful every day to be so healthy - in a variety of ways.

Every year since my x moved out, she and I have gone out to dinner on 'Our' Anniversary. We usuall go somewhere nice. Often dress up. But we spend some money loving ourselves. And relishing the fact that we have survived.

But she is now living 180 miles away. Sigh.

Thank you all so much for your advise. I have an appointment to get my nails done that evening. Nail Tech knows everything that is going on. Don't know if S even remembers what day it is. You know they are all in their own little world sometimes. I really wish I could visit that world every now and then. These days the are triggers especially. I have plans for the evening of the 30th with a girl friend and her kids for dinner. She is going through very messy DV and knew exactly why I asked if she wanted to go to dinner. Going to take the kids to a place that has a bunch of sports games/video so they will be occupied. Some how I think that our Anniversary is going to hit me harder than the 30th. The 23rd of September is also the first day of fall, both my WH's and my favorite season. Well at least it used to be his favorite season. I don't think I want to acknowledge the day with even a card. I'm sure he will be too wrapped up in the OW to worry about my feelings. Thank you all for the support. I wouldn't have made it through a lot of day without my friends her at MB's. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi ITABD! I guess I can say that for me - at least - it begins in your mind. My BELIEFS regarding 'Things The Way They Are Now' is - it's "just another day" and nothing significant that affects me directly today happened, because what did happen (Anniversary) is something that is NOW a part of my PAST - the Life I used to live - and since things have changed (so much the more for the BETTER) - then it has no relevance or bearing on my Life TODAY. If you take that attitude and keep telling yourself - then you will believe it and you will be able to move on away from the hurts, wrongs, and pain of your Past and enjoy your Life as it is Today - without current pain and misery from an Ex who is... well, whatever he/she is - doesn't really matter anymore because you and them saw fit to end your relationship and so it's no longer important to you TODAY - what's really important today is the Mate you're with and so your focus and goal is to make your Mate happy today, tomorrow, and the rest of your lives together. I hope this does not sound like some 'pat' or patronizing answer, because it is not. IMHO this is the line of reasoning that worked for me - after 2 KidZ and nearly 18 years of marriage the first time around. I look at her birthday the exact same way - "just another day... and?" Sure, it sounds cold-hearted, etc. but you can't go around the rest of your life giving honour to a day that no longer matters. Perhaps something else happened on that day: maybe a birthday, graduation, anniversary, child's birthday, etc. of one of your Friends, new In-Laws, etc.? If so, then you can replace your old 'anniversary' with the celebration with your Friend and/or In-Law(s) with a new event - sort of like 'out with the old and in with the new' way of seeing it.
I can say it has worked for me OK - My old wedding anniversary, ex's birthday, etc. are just another day and I have absolutely NO REASON whatsoever to celebrate them - I mean, why should I - none of them have absolutely nothing to do with me at all, so why should I care about somebody like that?
Try it, and I hope it works.
May God bless.
Harold

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm sure this has been hashed a million times on this board but my 24th Wedding Anniversary is on Monday the 23rd. Can anyone give me some pointers on how to handle it? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ITABD,

I'll make a deal with ya......

My 14th anniversary is the 23rd also. You can use that day to have sympathy for me, and I will have sympathy for you on that day.

My DV is practically final with the WW, and there is a good chance that I'll get the call to sign the papers Monday.

It may be my anniversary, but it won't be a happy anniversary, though. But it can be another happy day....

HCII

DJ - Thanks for the advise. I don't have another mate at this point but one of my girlfriends said something to me today. The first of everything is going to hit harder than anything else. Anniversary, Xmas, etc. I already spent my B-Day without him this year. Actually enjoyed that day so I think I just need to put myself in the mind set that you said "This is just another day". Next year will be easier and the year after that who knows I might be celebrating another special day with someone that truly cares about me and I care about them.

hcii - You have a deal. I know that I'm not the only one with an Anniversary on this date but having a hard time trying to remember that and as DJ said it is just another day. I'm sorry if you have to sign DV papers on that day. My only request for the final court date was that it not be on the 26th which is my parents 42 Wedding Anniversary. At least WH understood that and agreed that wouldn't be a good date.

I appreciate everyones suggestions and will try to get through this day and not think about what was. I do have a better future ahead of me and I need to remember that.

Thanks
Is This a Bad Dream

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
I'm sure this has been hashed a million times on this board but my 24th Wedding Anniversary is on Monday the 23rd. Can anyone give me some pointers on how to handle it? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had this same problem in SPADES, since I got married on my birthday!

Silly thing, really...it was kind of a little joke between us. She could never remember my birthday when we were dating...

Anyway, I try to think of how my dog would celebrate.

Now, don't laugh! Think about this:

My dog hasn't a clue as to what day of the week it is. She doesn't have a clue that tomorrow is Sunday, or that the day after that is Monday, and she certainly doesn't grasp the concept of a specific date! To her, Monday's just another one of those days where I leave in the morning and come home at night.

Its just a day.

When you get right down to it, the idea of "Monday the 23rd" is a completely artificial and mostly meaningless label applied to a unit of time measured by a single turning of the Earth...and something like one trillion forty six billion days passed before anyone bothered to start keeping track.

Its just a day.

A day is what you make of it, really. You can assign any sort of meaning or significance to it that you want to, and no one can tell you any different.

Its just a day.

My family has been known to "move" Christmas and Thanksgiving if all the family isn't available for the "real" holiday. In fact, my mother said one of the most insightful things about anniversaries...specifically the anniversary of my father's death. Her best friend called her on the first anniversary of that day and said "well, its been a year since he died..."

To which my mother replied "and you know what? Next year it'll be two years. Year after that'll be three, and so on. What's the big deal?"

Its just a day.

My annivaersary is the 27th. I will be thinking of you on the 23rd.....

My best and my prayers to you,

c++_guy

ITABD...
Sorry I'm coming in on this late... haven't been on the boards for a few days.
I haven't gone throught this one yet... but I went through a Thanksgiving without my STBXW.
I got together with friends to soften the blow... it helped quite a bit.
It didn't take the sting completey away... but it helped.
My prayers are with you.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Thanks to all who replied. It actually hasn't been that bad today. I was very busy at work and it helped that we had a beautiful day here in Colorado. Rain would have only made it worse. My S will be home this evening for dinner with me and then I am going to get nails done. Probably the worse time is driving back and forth to work. Have to get home. Thank you for all the ideas and I'm sure I will need them in the coming months with all the holidays.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />