<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
There are so much valuable information on these forums, I hope someone can give me some valuable advice on my own situation&#8230;

I married a wonderful woman who I met while working and living in Europe for two years. I was 34 at the time we met, she was 24. We moved back to America together, were married shortly thereafter, and we had two fantastic years in this country, until my mother passed away ssddenly three years ago.

A year ago, I found out that my wife was cheating on me for a whole year prior. I had many hints that something was going on &#8211; she had quit her job, started to spend money foolishly and selfishly on lavish gifts for herself, and complained often of depression and homesickness, which we discussed numerous times and we both felt it had to do with my mother&#8217;s passing. Apparently, the affair was a (poor) response to this depression. And she had treated me with disdain during her affair &#8211; constantly criticizing me, calling me names, etc. Our love life came to a virtual stop &#8211; more a wifely obligation that any feeling to it. My answer, sadly, was to withdraw further from her. When I found out about the affair, she hit me and moved out. Left me in a state of shock, grieving, anger, and feeling like I would die.

Now for the current situation. I filed for divorce in July on the grounds of her infidelity. Simply I was frustrated with her unwillingness to come home, after months of trying to get back together (with bad tactics &#8211; more on this later). Funny thing happened then. My wife suddenly took responsibility for her affair. And in the meantime, I have fully accepted how my focus on career and my mother&#8217;s sudden death had damaged our relationship. I now realize that my wife could not come back to me due to my anger, and her guilt, and the constant pressure I was putting on her to come back. (laced with anger over the betrayal, the fact that her friends in her country were condoning her affair and in some cases, cheering her on, and her continued contact with OM).

She now tells me that she loves me, and that she forgives me for all my angry outbursts. She says I was the greatest thing that ever happened to her, and regrets that she did not face her own problems in a more mature way, but that too much damage has been done. And I have told her that I love her still, and would like a chance to show her. But she doubts my sincerity, and feel that it is only my pride and my physical attraction to her that make me want to save our marriage.

I do love my wife dearly, and am so sad that it took me so long to recognize that the affair was a symptom of her own depression and insecurity, and my part in all that. And I regret the pain that I caused her, in my own pain and suffering.

My question is: Is there such a thing as &#8220;too much water under the bridge&#8221;? Has anyone been there, and come back? How do I show her, that I still care about her? Is the only answer divorce with love? Or has anyone successfully come back from the edge?

Yeah, there is such a thing as too much water under the bridge. I'm there with my wife who left me almost three months ago. We are like strangers now. Too many bad things happened and
too many hard feeling have replaced the love.

My key phrase to myself now is "that was then, this is now" Love dies, man. It' s hard motherf***er to swallow, but it is true. And I have been through enough hard breakups in my lifetime that it has become almost a routine. I now what the drill is. And I know that same old familiar pain.

But at the same time, the sun still shines and girls still smile. I'd have loved for things to work out betwen stbxw and I, but they won't. They can't. There's too much water under the bridge.

When I was younger and a bad breakup happened, I used to dwell on the misery and focus on the loss. Now I am almost blase about the whole thing. One reason for this is you never know what's going to happen. It's ok to have hope.

Anyway, don't despair. Keep yourself healthy and reasonably happy. Good things come about when you do that.

Did you try plan A, or plan B or both? I have tried both, but with didn't stop LB'ing until the divorce. It's strange, it's as if filing for divorce brought clarity. And with that clarity came the realization that I am still in love with her, and could actually forgive her. Before, forgiveness was something I thought she had to earn, now I see it is a prerequisite from me.

I agree it's all part of life. And I see the good that it has caused, by forcing us to become better people (my UW as well as myself).

I just pray that she wakes up, forgives herself, and recognizes the forgiveness from me. And even if I cannot avert a divorce at this point, I will always love her and be grateful for our time together.

Hope does spring eternal!

I would have to disagree with the post from Eazy,
only because, I am in a very similar situation, and I do have some hope left, even though my W does not appear to have any.
I know your pain, and I will keep you in thought and prayer, and also know that there are many, people in here who can answer your questions, and give you insight on what you are going through, these are some of the best, so keep on posting and asking...
In His Name....b

Thanks for your reply, Blo.
And most of all, thanks for your prayers.

No-it's never too late until one of you re-marry. Otherwise no.
To say it is would be to defy God's power of love.
Your situation sounds quite optomystic! I'll be praying for you.

Go to the recovery board and post there. I'm sure that you'll get some great responses.

Supposedly if you follow the four rulse of recovery then the marriage is even better than before!

You may also want to counsel with the counselor at MB and get a plan for recovery together - they'll let you know if you have a chance.

It sounds like you're on the right track. K

Read mine. I think now is too late. Today became the day i finally had enough.

Like nickelback song: Too bad too sad, too late so wrong, so long...