hello everyone

H 24 w 23 daughter 2 1/2

been married almost 2 yrs
have been seperated for 2 1/2 months since july

I'm trying everthing that I can think of and I feel like i'm getting no where

what can I do to win her heart back ..she is confused and so am I
she filed for divorce,I got my papers and she says she is done that was the first month,
The 2nd month her and her mother went to Tenn.for labor day weekend she called me crying and said that this isn't what she wants she wanted me to find us an apartment I said ok ...
She came back to her moms that night.
( we livied with her dad we was going to buy his house but things went south ,got tight on money ...she told me we need to get out but I could do anything at that time now she is staying at her moms and I am at my moms).

The next day she was acting confused,then on tuesday she was back to wanting divorce
I know she is confused ...and I love her very much I don't want to loose my family so please any thoughts would be great
first court date is oct.9th

any thoughts please ..

justin

Say bro--I am in your situation, in a way. no kids, but married over two years and separated in July. The difference is that I realize that my relationship can never work for a good number of reasons. But I miss her all the same.

I think you will be OK. The best thing to do now is remain a pillar of strength and don't get all weepy and pleading. Remain confident, get a plan together for an apartment or something, and show her you mean to get both of you on your feet. I think she will respond to this.

It's tough when money is tight and you can't seem to get things done.

In a way I envy you because you are so young yet. You have a lot of good things ahead of you, even if things don't work out with the misses. I'm 38, and although I am still very young looking and confident, I realize that I don't have as much time to throw around and find my way.

Luckily I have financial stability and assets that will come back to me in the divorce. Would I trade them for the freedom of youth? Probably.

Anyway, fight the good fight, don't beg or plead, and let her see a kickass, steely husband who will
quarterback your team into the superbowl of happiness.

I see what you are saying about being strong but..It feels like when I talk to her I now don't know what to say ...At first i did beg and pled but that didn't work I have did flowers and cards that didn't work .....I am trying to get into cousling for myself ....and maybe just maybe she might come ...

but for now I don't know if i should give her space or if I should keep trying to talk to her

any thoughts

justin

The important thing is, treat her with love.

At this point the best way you can show her your love is:
1). Forgiving and learning from past mistakes in your relationship.
2). Letting the other person know that you have forven her, or learned from your mistakes, and are ready to put what you learned into practice to make your marriage better.
3). The important thing is, both parties made (make, and will make) mistakes.
4). As bad as you feel, remember how bad she feels. Don't ever make the other person feel worse about what happened. Noone wins, and the relationship falls apart.
5). When you feel like giving up, go back to 1). and you do it all over again. Regardless of what they do.

If this seems too hard, you probably weren't meant to be together. If it seems too easy, you are back together or will be soon. And if you are bouncing between the two, take a deep breath and don't act until you figure out which side of those two you are on. Wait a few weeks, take good care of yourself between now and then, and keep taking care of yourself after, until you have reconciled or finalized the divorce (emotionally, which takes longer than legally for almost everyone). Be polite to your spouse. Don't sleep with anyone else, in the near or short term future.

Then go back to treating with love. Wait until you let the anger subside, so you are thinking with a clear head. You know it's subsided when you sleep better, feel better about yourself, and smile when the sun shines.

last night I wrote a letter to her.This morning I took it to her work and dropped it of..She called me and said why did I do that..I told her bcause I wanted you to know I cared,and that I love you ...she still says that she has nothing to say to me now ..she said the letter made her mad..
She said that I am not what she wants,I asked her if she was seeing some one else she said no..

I am very hurt I'm not sure if I should hold on or just let go I don't want to let go I know that but I feel like that she doesn't care about me ,witch I don't think she does ...
our court date is oct,9

what to do ???

if the divorce goes through is there a chance to get back together somewhere down the road

has this ever happened to anyone

Dear Lumpy....
You have many things going for you, not to mention your youth and your daughter.
I'm 46, got married about the same age you are.
A couple years down the rd my wife started questioning us. Your wife is messed up. Can't say it any better than that. She doesn't know what she wants. Be happy it's happening now. She may "figure" it out, and if she does... she'll appreciate the letter. Until then, she'll dispise it. Is there someone else you don't know about? Maybe, but right now that doesn't matter. Get counseling for yourself. You will be better for it.

the other thing is I don't know if I should been seeing someone else to get on with life or not ,bcause for one I personaly would fill gulity. What do you think I should

thank you all very much for your replys

I love her very much and would do anything to change the tables

Hi LUMPY,
You need to slow down a just a little bit... your all over the boards with emotions which is understandable.
You have some time to go before your actually divorced... use this time to your advantage.
First, I would pull back a bunch... and not "pursue" your "W".
Your just pushing her farther away from you and I don't think that is what you want at this point in time.
She obviously missed you when she went on her trip with her mother. A kinda "absence makes the heart grow fonder" scenario.
You need to make yourself a lot less available right now.
She is "confused" by the sounds of it.
Give her some space and some time to sort out what she wants and let her get a taste of what it's like with you not being around.
Many things can happen before that fianl "D" day.
There is no guarantees that anything is going to work to bring your "W" back around... but there are certain things that you do that can surely move her farther away.
It's all risky at this point in time.
Work on you, and if you believe in God... say a whole bunch of prayers
Stay Strong!
Wallace

LUMPY,

I am thinking of you, and praying for you tonight.
Be strong.

Where you are is difficult. Don't forget what a great person you are.

If you believe in God, go see your pastor, rabbi, or priest. I also encourage you to seek counseling. If your ins won't pay, there are groups of people going through the same as you. And some have been through the dark, and come out again at the light. They wil help you to know that what you are going through is part of your jouney, the one that JC put is here to experience, in his glory. The greatest gift.

Your children received that gift too. Be strong....

Please let me know that you are OK,
Michael

REad A and B and Gen. Questions...

As far as changing her, you cannot. But you are in control of your own actions. Follow MB principles...Remember, they are their own persons. As much as I would've liked to have my M work out, realized and respected WH is his own person not for me to control. Pray every day that God is dealing with him and helping him to see a different way of life.

Wish I could say more. Just improve you as A and B say to do. Control the actions you can on your part and be strong and pray. Either way, you will in the end have a stronger walk with faith and life.

Hello

our first court date is the 9th of this month I'm scared
I don't want this divorce I want to save my marriage but I don't know how ...
She said that we have been seperated for 12 weeks and I have not done anything to show I'm a man...Yes I have beg and pleded and in away she is right ...should I go get a apartment or what should I do ....

if she goes through with this then I wont be able to aford a apartment ,so should i take a chance or what??? how do I show he I am the man who is strong enough
and how do I be a man about this

please some advise

any thoughts here please