Many of you already know my situation...

My STBX said last night that she will probably have to hock her jewelery to get money for bills, etc. She was specifically referring to the stuff I got for her when I was in the Navy (a pearl and gold pendant from the Middle East, and some beautiful emeralds from Brazil).

I really like those particular pieces. I told her I would buy them for the same price as a pawn broker would give her. She said OK, but then demanded that I give them to our D. I said that I could do whatever I wanted with them since they would be mine.

Anyway, the more I thought about it, this is win/win for her. She gets money, she knows the jewelery would stay in family (I could not give them away).

Should I just bite the bullet and let her pawn the stuff off and let her deal with it? This would be a major bummer for me as I really like these particular pieces and I would like my D to have them when she grows up...

THanks...

Pete

p.s. Does anyone else have an X that has the annoying habit of taking toilet paper, tooth paste, food, when they come over to watch/pick up kids?

Time to move on,

By them for $50.00 each more than she can get at a pawn shop...then give them to your daughter when she is an adult.

There is no win/win situation for her or you. There's only do the best you can and hope your children aren't screwed up over all of it...

ANNA

PS

and nope, my ex is not allowed in the house, but it sounds like your's has some nerve...

The only question that I have for you is do you want the memory of what you did for her to be with you. And do you think that your daughter would really want jewelry from this circumstance?

The reason tht I ask is that I made my wife a platinum/emerald/diamond anniversary ring for our 10th anniversary last year. She was already involved in an affair at the time, although I didn't know about it. I took it back when I found out about her latest affair. She actually left it at home on the counter when she left, so I just kept it. I made it for her out of all the love that I had. I put everything that I had into making it. I put in 72 extra hours at work just to pay for the raw materials and I am a doctor so that tells you a bit about how much it cost. I put in 82 hours of work learning techniques and making the ring. I know for a fact that within 4 months she was having sex with another guy. So I feel no responsibility to her for the ring. She accepted it in bad faith. She knew what she was doing and what it took and meant for me to make it. I did it out of love, and I truly designed it for her alone.

I cannot accept her desire to have the ring. She wore it to the bars and to her affairs as a bauble. I will not allow her to keep it because it is and never was meant to be a bauble, but a symbol of my love for her.

I don't know how you feel about the jewelry. I know you like it, but do you like what is symbolizes or do you like the actual pieces. If you really want your daughter to have it then buy it and give it to her. If you want the symbolism, then you might think again. That symbolism is lost, and may haunt you more than help you. It is for you to decide.

I don't know what I am going to do with her ring. I don't want it. I thought about breaking it down and making something else out of the jewels, but I couldn't give whatever I made to anyone I cared for. I feel that the diamonds and emeralds are tarnished by her betrayal. I thought about just throwing it off a bridge into the river, but I don't know about that either. Although I would do that before I would let her have it.

I have also thought about selling it and buying a really expensive watch for myself. I have found a new appreciation for watches, although I still only have one, and it is most definitely NOT expensive. I would really like a nice one, and it would remind me just a bit about what I lost without the reality of feeling "taken" by her all the time.

Anyway, just think about why you like the jewels and whether you or your daughter would want them from this situation. That is all. If you think you would, then by all means buy them. But if they are for memories, I recommend just letting her sell them on her own. Don't hook yourself to her any more than necessary.

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FC:

Thanks for the advice. The memories are not of giving it to her. Rather, they are of the times in the Navy when myself and some squadron mates went shopping around Rio trying to find something.

I think it would be a great gift for daughter...the tarnish of STBX is only in memory.

Thanks!

Pete

Since you have already thought of giving it to your daughter, why not agree to xwife's request? You answered "I can do whatever I want with them"-which shows your annoyance at your x's attempt to dictate terms to you.

But her terms are not unreasonable. You had already thought of it yourself. You would not want to give that jewelry to a new woman in your life- it would be inappropriate. So who else to give it to than your D? There won't be any bad associations for you- rather the jewelry reminds your daughter that once upon a time, Mommy and Daddy were in love with each other- and she was born of that love. That is a beautiful message for her to hear and know.

And, as a previous poster mentions- it would be nice if you gave your x a little bit more than the pawn shop. I think your wife wants this solution- why else would she mention her predicament to you? If she wanted to just get the money, she would have gone to the pawn shop already.

However, if it turns into a huge manipulation scene, with your wife holding the jewelry hostage-then let the jewels go. They are just stones after all.