I have been D since January 2, 2002. My xh walked out last summer and left me and my two young boys behind. He recently got married this summer.

My two boys (6 & 2) have been doing really good through all of this. There have been some minor setbacks but I have stayed on top of them. Just recently though another setback occurred. The last two soccer games that my 6 year old was playing in, my xh, his wife, his new mother-in-law and my parents were there. Needless to say, my children ignored me and my parents. This really hurts. Do you have any ideas about what may occurring? I know my children miss their father because they don't see him but 4 days a month but the total ignorance of me and my parents presence is painful. I did talk to my older son and told him that it was okay for him to talk to anyone at the games, that no one would be mad or upset at him. I didn't know what else to say. Does anyone have any ideas about this?

Thanks,
Kathy

(((Kathy)))

I know all too well that this is a tough situation.

I think that you need to just roll with the punches on this one. I wouldn't make any type of scene or even suggest anything to the kids. I mean you have the boys 87% of the time anyway. They obviously and natually miss the company of their father. I am afraid that if you transfer some of the stress to the boys that it will be harmful to them and put them in a position where they feel like they have to "choose" between parents.

I've noticed with my girls that when we go to events that they gravitate away from the parent that they have spent the day with. I really think it's natural.

Best of luck.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

LostHusband-

Thank you for your post. I have been thinking the same thing about my boys missing their father and I don't doubt for a minute that that is part of the situation. I also can't help but wonder if their father is saying something to them before the game. My counselor thinks it is possible. I asked my ex and he denied it. I don't want to think that he is saying anything. My ex then says to me that our not socializing is part of the problem. He and I have been around and around on this.....I have posted quite a bit about this in the past few weeks. I have told him over and over that I will not socialize with him and his wife and her family. I will be civil and I will talk to him and him only about the children. I feel like he is placing the blame on me. He is saying that the boys are uncomfortable around me because I won't socialize with him and his wife. I said nothing and said I had to go. I quit dealing with all of this crap 2 weeks ago Sunday. I don't have time for it anymore.

It is not my intention at all to make my boys uncomfortable and when I talked to my oldest child about it being okay to talk to everyone at the game and that no one will be mad for him doing so, that is all I said..........it was that general. I just wanted to let him know that no one is mad at him or will be mad at him for talking to any of us. I just felt like I needed to reasure him of this.

Thanks again, I was thinking exactly what you posted.

Kathy

my kids are very disrespectful to me whenever their mother is around. . . she does say stuff bad about me, she has admitted it in the past. . . also, buys them lots of stuff, whereas i had to sit down with 10 yr old last night and explain that i get richness through experiences. . . . . . . . and talked about not getting rich through dvds and videos. . . .

and i also hammer away at them for feeling good by putting other's down, or "thinking" that others think that they are special. .. . its amazing how easy it is to believe in disordered thinking. . . or if you are dependent upon your children for validation, that you teachthem disrespect for the other spouse. . . .

wiftty