I have only been a member to this site for a few weeks now, and it has been a great help to me. Problem is my WH left the house 9 weeks ago and is living with OW for over a month now, in another state. H left suddenly, no clue to me or our children. My youngest son started crying never saw it coming, including me! Since he left I have been thru hell and back. Tryed everything, begged to give us another chance do anything. He say's he has been unhappy for some time now, and was not looking when he met OW. Claims that something inside him 'just happened' when they met.

Still can't believe that after 9 year marriage, he's getting ready to file already. I tried everything Plan A and Plan B. No effort at all from H. Say's things like "I'm in love with her best thing that has happened to me", "It's not you it's me". I have been in Plan B for the past 3 weeks now. I do no not call or email, he does all the contact. For the most part the contact is good, but I'm trying to stay strong. Say's he's in love with OW (H is 37 OW is 21), please let me smack some sense into him. I beleive he his is heavy in 'the fog'. He has hurt me so bad I feel that I need to let him go. I would take him back in a minute if only he would have shown me 1 ounce of interest.

After he sent me a copy of the 'D' papers on email to review, I said "Ok when do we see the notary for this". H say's too many pages he needs to go over to make sure everything is in order(just an excuse). This morning I find out he added my email address to his IM contact board.

So guess what, after the tells me to check the 'D' papers who IM's me H. Talk is nice and he ask's how I am doing and say good. I'm happy with the 'new person' I have discovered in myself (Thanks to Plan B). He say's he is happy for me, then I tell him "I hopy your happy too and have found peace". He then quickly has to log off as soon as I said it.

I really think he is going thru a MLC, since I have surfed that site also and he has many symptoms. When the WH does not give any effort to try any plan what else can you do, but go with the filing. The pain of waiting is just so hard, I'm in therapy and will start anti-d's this week.

For some sick reason on my part and trust me I love my H with all my heart, he will see the light. Each time I try to stand strong and take a step forward, to show him I am moving on he throws another rope at me.

He is the one who left me and the kids. He does not want to get back together. He is the one paying and filing for 'D'. But he still continues to hang on for some reason. And is so worried about what I will be doing now that his gone.

What does he want? It can't be me otherwise he would have made an effort. I hope I am not too hasty in agreeing to sign, he is the one who has to make the next move. Sorry to ramble on but am really confused by all these 'mixed signals'.

Hello usavings,

Sorry for the reason you are on these boards, but it is a great place to learn & grow.

What does he want? It can't be me otherwise he would have made an effort. I hope I am not too hasty in agreeing to sign, he is the one who has to make the next move.

So many WS's sit on the "fence" unable to leave but not willing to cut it off with OP. Almost like a deer in the headlights. They want their cake and eat it too.

I have seen the Harley's recommend that if a WS is insistent on DV to say that it's not what you want.

The General Questions section gets more traffic, and thereby more possible input into your situation.

For me, I am the BS, but am the one to separate (per Steve Harley's reco.)

There are many M's that are recovered even after DV is filed and even finalized. The stories are amazing. There are also many that don't make it.
Sometimes I get the feeling that WS's feel so guilty / shamefull and don't think that it could ever be made right. Add to that the addictive nature of A's and most times the OP pulling the WS towards them.

I have a good friend who cheated on her H, ended up getting a dv and move to be with the OM (who by the way is still M, but his W filed for a Dv.)
I have contact with both and He has stated he wants to try to recover his M cuz of the kids, and knows he has to cut it off with OW, yet he doesn't. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> (GRRRRR) I also hear what she says to him to keep him hanging on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> The point is that I have seen that he is addicted to her - like a drug. Ugggg

Have you had an appointment with one of the Harley's, read the MB books and this site? Please continue to post.

God Bless,

D.

God Bless
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

usavings,

I'm sorry to hear of your pain. But, you're in the right place.

I had a similar situation, My H left without a word one day while I was at work. Two weeks before he left he also claimed that he had been unhappy a long time. And preceded to tell me all the things that were wrong with me, only to make himself feel better about leaving. At that time I became a 'clingy whiner'.

It's been 3 months since I've had any contact with him. Today I find out that the OW is 23, H is 55, so go figure.

Right now your H is having a wonderful fantasy life and whatever you say right now will not get through.

One of the things you must do now is TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. And most importantly you must keep your strength.

I was like you a few months ago, but without contact you only get stronger. The more you talk to H the more painful it will be, hence; the mixed signals.

Read all the posts on MB, and pray if that's what you do.

Find things to do to occupy your mind. You alone are in control of your thoughts. Keep the good ones when they enter and replace the bad ones.

Not an easy thing to do, but necessary.

There is an old saying, "that when you stop the chase, they turn around to find out why you're not behind"

Take Care
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> relady

Thank you D and Relady for your kind words. I know what your saying about 'a deer in the road' and H is blind. He will see one day all that he has lost.

I'm a better person now that I have gone through all this, stronger, happier, more confident. I still have my up and down day's, but still strong.

I pray each night that God will open up H's eyes to see. But I'm here for my kid's and the 3 of us are growing together, that's all I can do now.

If you don't want a divorce, then STALL!!! If you decide to sign the papers, make sure you have a good lawyer look over them first. You MUST protect yourself and your children financially!