My stbxw and I are divorcing...i guess by definition...we are trying to sell a house we jointly own, and I need to sell it, because I am in a real tough financial spot...I need to keep mortgage on two houses paid and electric and phone and internet access, because if I do not have this forum I do not know what I will do. I am close to losing everything...my home, everything....

I had an offer for the house 4 months ago but my realtor, who is an old family friend, scoffed at it and turned it down. She assured me that the house would sell, "they always do!", she said. Now it looks like that guy may not want it anylonger. Well, the house has been showing and showing and no other offers. I called her this morning and she said, "Oh the market has dried up, everyone is keeping their hands in their pockets."

My dilemma is that I do not know how much longer I can keep my current job, which I hate anyway. For one thing it is seasonal and for another I am a post back-surgery patient and it looks as if I have hurt my back at work badly enough to need surgery again. I can not keep this up much longer. I have no insurance since getting laid off and so I will hve to live with herniated disks and the pain and increasing immobility.

Other jobs are scarce or I would not be working where I am. Selling this house was very nearly my last hope...and that looks like it will not happen.

Let me tell you all something...praying does not help..God does not care...if you have a problem, the only one you can rely on is you...we are alone in this Universe, there is no one out there to help you...help yourself, I am as best I can, becuase neither God nor anyone else will....

<small>[ September 28, 2002, 11:29 AM: Message edited by: c++_guy ]</small>

Dear C++_guy,

Please know that I will be praying for you today. Sounds like you are having one of those awful 'days from hell' that we all experience now and then. Is there anyone you can call and chat with? Is there anyone you can go out with to do something to get your mind off the negative? At the very least repeat over and over you will overcome this day too....

I'm SO SORRY to hear of your plight. It sucks big time, and you WILL EXPERIENCE BETTER AGAIN!! Don't allow yourself to succumb to Satan's pull tho; right now he is rejoicing as he has got you down, and doubting your faith in God. That's where he wants us all.

You have been such an inspiration to me on these boards. YOU WILL GET THRU THIS AS WELL. Just hang in there, and focus on how much we on these boards all care, and how we all are going through the same ****. We WILL survive, and be stronger and better people because of this. God promises us that, if we keep our focus on Him. Please don't give up on God. You deserve the best, and through perseverance and faith you will find it. Lots of prayers for you!

Thank you, Natasha, very much for replying to my post.

There are no good things going to happen to me...I have been watching this downhill slide happen for some years now, and despite every effort to halt it, I just keep getting pushed down the hill. I can see that it is only a matter of time before I lose everything I have and am living on the street. It will be me and my mentally ill brother living in a homeless shelter. That is the way of things.

Thank you again.

C++_guy,

Sure wish I knew what to say, or could do something for you. I'm at a loss. I don't believe things will end up as stark for you as you think right now, but it's the 'right now' you have to get through. Can you do anything at all to get out of this depressive state you're in now? As I sure you've esperienced many times, the future will seem brighter again, soon. Later today, tomorrow, next week, it will seem less daunting. Try to focus on that.

Remember that your mind (as all of our's) is the battlefield where Satan fights his most brutal wars. If he can convince you that you're a nobody, that noone cares, including and especially God, then he has you where he wants you. Defeated. And THAT'S NOT YOU! Not the guy I've been reading about. You are a survivor, an encourager, a decent man with integrity and values. Please don't cop out on us; there aren't enough of you around anymore. I SO OFTEN as well feel jaded and hopeless that there are any decent beings 'out there' anymore, and then I come on these boards, and my faith is revived. YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE GOOD GUYS!! and without men (and women) like you there will be no hope for this world.

Please don't give up. Hang in there. If you need to wallow in dejection and self-pity for a while, do it, BUT remember it's JUST FOR A WHILE. That is NOT the REAL you. The real you has an awesome faith, an awesome God, and an awesome future ahead. It may not look like you expected, but with God in it you will be exactly where you should be. We have to believe this, otherwise we may as well all curl up and die. I for one will NOT let my WH's deceit and vile actions force me to give up MY LIFE for him. He and OW ARE NOT WORTH IT. They will pay their dues as well. We are not worthy because THEY loved us, we are worthy because GOD loves us. Keep holding onto that. I know it's not always a big comfort when we'd just like 'arms with skin on' to comfort us, but it's real nonetheless. Hang in there, for all of us! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

C++ guy,

I am sorry to say this, but COME ON !!!!

You know that these days will happen, and you are wallowing in it. We are here for you. You have been there for each of us. What you need is a buddy to take you out to the golf course and just hit a bucket of balls. Or just get out and take a long walk.

You have already laid out this course of dispair that is completely and totally in your head. I understand that you are having troubles and that your house is not selling. I understand that your back is bad and that your job is tough. But COME ON. This is NOT LIKE YOU....

You are better than this and I think you realize that fact. We are here for you. You will NOT END UP ON THE STREET. Unless you allow it to happen. You have slipped into the funk that grips us all at times and are unwilling to see any light. Not that there is no light, just that you are embracing the dark at this time and you need to stop. For yourself. No one else. This self defeating thought pattern that you have going presently will just take you further and further down.

Don't let this situation dictate your life. You will not loose your house. You will just have to lower the price until someone buys it. SO WHAT. It may really suck, but in a year you will be out of this and look back and say, "WOW THAT REALLY WAS A BAD TIME IN MY LIFE." You may loose your job, get something. Anything. I don't know what type of work you do, but I can tell you that almost any radiology group is looking for someone that really understands computers and knows how to set up PACS systems and keep them running. If you have any idea about this, I would encourage you to look at your local radiology groups. It may not be the most fabulous job, but I tell you. If you can keep a computer system running, you are worth your weight in gold. Believe me.

But get out of this funk. Don't allow yourself to wallow. As a man to a man, I understand the devestation that you are feeling. But you also know that you are the one that has to pick yourself up. If I was there, I would kick you in the butt and get you outside. Take you to a football game or something. Not to get your mind off of it. But to remind you that you are somebody and that you need to kick yourself out of this funk you are in.

I can't do anything more than that. But I know your character. I have listened to your strength. I have thought about your desire. And I understand your pain. These things are nothing compared to what you have inside of you. Now pick yourself up. Take a breath. Let it out and go outside. I don't care if it is raining or 105 degrees.

Lets get out of this together. We can do it. You can do it. All of us can do it. I am here.

<small>[ September 28, 2002, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

I feel so helpless as far as having anything to offer you that would help. Seems to be my plight these days. I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you and your feelings of hopleness. I am praying for you also. Satan is trying to do you in as he is trying to do alot of us in. He seems to be working on me from every angle today. I am binding Satan in the name of Jesus away from you and your thoughts so you will be able to recieve God's peace in your heart. I am wanting to make some progress in my situation but right now all I can do is survive from one minute to the next. I am sorry for your misery and truly hope you get some relief soon.
Sorry I don't have more to offer but I do care and I know a lot of other people on here care too.
This too shall pass but that's not much help right now. Sometimes all we can do is endure and ask God to show us what to do next. He does care what happens to you but His ways are not our ways. Sometimes I wonder why it has to be this way but sooner or later the reason is revealed.
Hang in there and ask God to show you the way and reveal to you what it is He is teaching you through this. You may decide you want nothing else to do with God, that is your choice. But He is our only hope in the long run.
Free

c++guy...It is going to be ok man. I know things look like it will never turn around but believe me they will.
If you have your bible handy I want you to read James 1:1-12. It is scripture on trials and temptations. It says to persevere through your trials with faith. I have a Life Application (NIV) bible and at the bottom it says this for verse 2-4.
Thank God for promising to be wth you in rough times. Ask him to help you solve your problems or to give you the strength to endure them. Then be patient. God will not leave you alone with your problems; he will stay close and help you grow.

c++...... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me tell you all something...praying does not help..God does not care...if you have a problem, the only one you can rely on is you...we are alone in this Universe, there is no one out there to help you...help yourself, I am as best I can, becuase neither God nor anyone else will....
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Prayer is the only thing that will help in a time like this. God is ALWAYS there for us. Take a minute to think of the things he has done for you in the last few weeks. He has provided you food, friends, life. Never stop bringing your troubles to him and never stop thanking him for the things that he has provided whether it be big or small. If you think about it he is the only one there for us 24/7.

C++....I know the place you are in because It wasn't long ago I was in your exact place but I gave it to God and he made it get better. I just had to be patient. There are still many prayers about my family and finances that he hasn't answered yet but just remember he is working on them behind the scenes

I am praying for you right now and I will lift you up throughout the nite when I go to work.

Keep looking up...It will get better.

Love in christ
cajunky

I am curious as to what part of the country you live in. Unfortunately, I am trying to buy a house, any house, because our landlord wants us out so she can move back in - and my kids and I are likely to end up on the street as well if I don't find something quick, because rents are even higher than house payments. Unfortunately, hardly anyone is putting their houses on the market, and those that do price them ridiculously high, so high that they obviously don't give a d*** whether they sell or not. It is true that houses are not selling as fast as they were a few months ago, but houses here in the Northeast that are reasonably priced are going immediately - someone stole a house out from under me after my offer was verbally accepted. I read somewhere that any house will sell if it is priced "right." Can you afford to lower the price on your house significantly, or would you end up paying the bank at closing?

I agree that you have to depend on yourself - I have always been an atheist. The part that I can not get used to is that you can't trust anyone, not even someone you have known for a quarter of a century. And I have also found it to be true that things do NOT necessarily get better. They often just keep getting worse.

<small>[ September 28, 2002, 06:09 PM: Message edited by: Nellie1 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by c++_guy:
<strong>My stbxw and I are divorcing...i guess by definition...we are trying to sell a house we jointly own, and I need to sell it, because I am in a real tough financial spot...
Let me tell you all something...praying does not help..God does not care...if you have a problem, the only one you can rely on is you...we are alone in this Universe, there is no one out there to help you...help yourself, I am as best I can, becuase neither God nor anyone else will....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi C++Guy! I'm really sorry to read of your plight, I really am. I wish I could do something to help out. I won't bore you with a lot of 'canned' or 'pat' answers, because you don't need that. I have also read the other response Posts on this Board. They're right on it, man. Nearly all of us have been down the dark road you're on now. It sucks. Everything about Divorce sucks. It takes things away into some Black Hole from which nothing ever returns.
Please don't give up on God. He's there - but why you're not getting prayers answered I don't know. I can tell you I've been praying for 3 years now for God to help me stop smoking. I'm getting ready to fire another one up as I write this - no, God hasn't answered my prayers... YET. But He will... When? Only He knows, I sure don't know. But my FAITH in Him keeps me going in the secure knowledge that God will eventually answer my prayer...
Have you seen that old poster, "Footsteps" It really made me stop and think.
Bottom line is - when the dude walking down the beach saw ONE set of footprints in the sand, he asked God "God, why did you leave me? I had to walk it alone!" God replied, "No, my son. I didn't leave you. When things were at their darkest and looked worst, that was when I picked you up and carried you."
So, OK - you don't feel like you're being picked u and carried. You are. Trust God, please. I'm not upset because my prayers apparently aren't getting answered, but I know they certainly are being heard. In time, I will be a non-smoker. When? I don't know, but I do know God will answer my prayer.
Keep the Faith and don't give up on God, please.
Know that I am praying for you, OK?
Harold

My friends, it is 12:30something in the morning and I have been home from work about 20 minutes.

I really do not have the words to thank you all for your replies just yet, except to say that my love and friendship go out to all of you tonight. I do not deserve such words of love and encouragement, yet there they are. I will be able to think more clearly in the morning (later in the morning).....please accept my apologies for starting such a downer thread but that is just where I am at the moment.....

I hesitate to ask God for a d*mn thing, but if He is giving out anything this evening, I hope it is blessings to the truly good people posting on the MB forums.

May God bless you all, I will reply in much greater detail in the morning.....and email GIIC.....

c++

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I used to think that God would rescue me and fix things if I would pray with faith. Well, he didn't fix my marriage - despite my years of prayer. And, after the divorce, He still didn't fix the x and make him realize the wrongs he had committed. But, somewhere along the way, He healed my heart. He sent me peace I hadn't known in years. And He sent me strength to get through it.

The question became, "What is next God-centered thing to do in this case."

And I came to realize that there are consequences to my choices - and to other people's choices. And sometimes those consequences have negative affects on other people. My x's hard hearted choices greatly affected me.

So, I ask more for strength and wisdom now rather than for the outcomes I think I want. Yeah, I still ask for the outcomes but sometimes what you need more than that outcome is an idea or the strength to get to any outcome.

So, maybe you need a different realtor?

And, about the back, a couple of years ago, I was 24 hours away from a steroid injection in the spine for a sacro-illiac joint problem. But, thanks to my chiropractor, I didn't have to have it. Took him a couple of months to work his magic. And I could not have afforded it without my insurance. But the chiropractor does wonders for how my spine feels. And for how it works. He even got rid of my limp I had acquired from several injuries.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have been watching this downhill slide happen for some years now, and despite every effort to halt it, I just keep getting pushed down the hill </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">C++,

Remember....Easy on the brakes....Don't try to "rush" the "stop". The slide will end, but YOU have to maintain control, and be very patient.

In our panicked state we want to hurry it up.

That will always make the slide faster......

HCII

Just wanted to share a story I heard on TV while surfing one night that I think is a good analogy for "why" God "lets" bad things happen to good people...

Long story short, a flood hits a small town and the local news broadcasts an evacuation advisory. One man decides to stay. He says, "I am a good man. I am a religious man. I pray. God will save me." People begin to leave the area, the man stays, friends come by to warn him/convince him to leave. He remains strong in his belief - "I am a good man. I am a religious man. I pray. God will save me." The town is practically empty, water is rising higher, police are checking houses for anyone left. They find the man, warn him of his doom, beg him to let them help him get to safety. Again, "I am a good man. I am a religious man. I pray. God will save me." Eventually the man succumbs to the flood. Standing before God he says, "Lord, I don't understand. I am a good man, a religious man. I prayed. Why didn't you save me?" And the Lord answered, "My child, I WAS there to save you. I gave you warnings of what was to come. I was there in the weather alert, I was there with your friends and the police. I love you and that is why I gave you a brain."

I never could retell a story but I hope the point comes across. Some things we are not meant to understand. Sometimes we don't get the answers we are looking for. But God has already given us what we need to survive (how do you think we ended up on MB). The hardest thing I am learning in my separation from my Ex is that there isn't a darn thing I can do to change the past or my Ex. If I could, God knows I would. But the more I fight it the more it hurts. And the more I push my Ex away. So I am learning (and still struggling) to give up control. CHIN UP and have patience. You're in our prayers.

Turning Leaf's story reminded me of this email I cieved today. Life is someitmes confusing, yes I beleive in trusting God but also believe we must take control with the knowledge he has given us. Anyway, I found this to be intersting.

The Spider and the Bug"
(Unknown Author)

There was once a spider who lived in a cornfield. He was a big spider and he had spun a beautiful web between the corn stalks. He got fat
eating all the bugs that would get caught in his web. He liked his home
and planned to stay there for the rest of his life.

One day the spider caught a little bug in his web, and just as the spider
was about to eat him, the bug said, "If you let me go I will tell you
something important that will save your life." The spider paused for a
moment and listened because he was amused. "You better get out of
this cornfield," the little bug said, "The harvest is coming!"

The spider smiled and said, "What is this harvest you are talking about?
I think you are just telling me a story." But the little bug said, "Oh no, it
is true. The owner of this field is coming to harvest it soon. All the
stalks will be knocked down and the corn will be gathered up. You will
be killed by the giant machines if you stay here."

The spider said, "I don't believe in harvests and giant machines that
knock down corn stalks. How can you prove this?" The little bug
continued, "Just look at the corn. See how it is planted in rows? It
proves this field was created by an intelligent designer."

The spider laughed and mockingly said, "This field has evolved and has
nothing to do with a creator. Corn always grows that way." The bug
went on to explain, "Oh no. This field belongs to the owner who planted
it, and the harvest is coming soon." The spider grinned and said to the
little bug, "I don't believe you," and then the spider ate the little bug for
lunch.

A few days later, the spider was laughing about the story the little bug
had told him. He thought to himself, "A harvest! What a silly idea. I
have lived here all of my life and nothing has ever disturbed me. I have
been here since these stalks were just a foot off the ground, and I'll be
here for the rest of my life, because nothing is ever going to change in
this field. Life is good, and I have it made."

The next day was a beautiful sunny day in the cornfield. The sky above
was clear and there was no wind at all. That afternoon as the spider was
about to take a nap, he noticed some thick dusty clouds moving toward
him. He could hear the roar of a great engine and he said to himself, "I
wonder what that could be?"

THE END

"Therefore you also be ready, for I, the Messiah,
will come at an hour I am least expected."

(((((((((((((VB))))))))))))

Some excellent advice above. I hope today is a better day for you.

Here if you want to chat.

Jacky

You have ample reason to feel down in the dumps c++, and I'm sorry to hear you express a belief that praying doesn't help. I agree with the others that this is the time for your faith to rise and shine. Anticipating that you'll end up in a homeless shelter is a sign that the enemy is winning. We don't always get a "yes" when our prayers are answered. I prayed long and hard to be rescued from financial ruin. I didn't get a yes. I filed bankruptcy in June. It takes 90 days to run its course, and as it turns out, the 90th day was Sep 11th. Go figure! And who would ever figure that I could file bankruptcy one week and have an all expense paid trip to the French Riviera the next. I've prayed massive amounts of prayers, experienced significant changes in attitude, and feel tremendously blessed as a result. I just returned from 10 days overseas and I ended August with $13 in my business account and 98 cents in my personal account.

In July I read a book by Stormie Omartian and learned about the importance of surrendering our dreams. It was a painful lesson for me, but I continue the practice to this day. I believe that faith needs to continue during the dark times for it to develop its true strength. I believe we need to "make room" in our lives for the good things. I believe that clinging too closely to our material homes and having a strong fear of being homeless is a deterrent for some of those good things to come our way.

At the risk of sounding trite, here's something that I find helpful when the negative thoughts are running rampant. I imagine that the negative thoughts are coming from a mental radio station. When they become too prevalent, it's time to change the station. Switch over to a station that counts your blessings every day. Even your difficulties can have a thread of joy which you can find if you search for it. If I knew my Bible better, I would reference the verse where we are to "count it as joy" when the difficulties come. I've read many of your posts and I know you're a positive guy. I see you in a dark place just temporarily and I pray that a great big shining light comes your way real soon. Access to a good a chiropractor or osteopath would be a good thing too. It's hard to have a positive attitude when you're physically hurting. Take care!

C++, I don't normally respond to posts, I don't know why but I don't. I have read many of your posts and think you are one of the survivors. What we are all dealing with here are all different situations yet all alike and very painful. Most often I wonder why me, but hay that’s life and I have plans and they are wonderful. Will they take time to happen? Sure, but they will.

C++ Everything in life is attitude. Success and happiness are 9/10 attitude and 1/10 effort. Take some Meds change your attitude and then slowly change your life. You MUST take control of your situation and think 5 year plan, not now but 5 years out. And please “G_D” has very little to do with this "G_Ds work is truly are own"
See a doctor, take a shave and change your life. "Start today" By the way my story was as bad if not worse. Today I have my children, house, life, control and a great future ahead of me. I made a plan and executed it. I know your thinking “can I do it with all this crap on my sholders and the answer is yes. You did it before and will do it again.

I am overwhelmed at the outpouring of support for my plight on these pages.

Let me take first things first:

This morning I am very badly depressed, however I am trying to fight it. Taking antidepressants. The energy of the people here has helped me a lot.

I am getting mentally ready to go to work. This is a job that nearly makes me want to cry to have to go to it. I do not know exactly why I HATE it so much, but I do. Gives me a headache to think about it.

I am working hard to come up to speed on new skills such as the new .NET platform, learning VB.NET and C++.NET...a large undertaking, but something I must do for my future.

I am seeing a chiropracter and he is a miralce worker, but 30 minutes at my job is enough to undo a week's worth of treatments. I feel most abandoned by God and am most terribly depressed at my job.

I have to say agian how amazed I am at the number of people who cared enough to respond and am further amazed at the number of people who say that they read my posts! I am a "good guy", a "survivor"? I have helped some of you in the past? WOW. I am just some guy and certainly not worthy of the terrifically positive feeling coming from people here. It says more about the high quality of the people responding than it does about me.

As I said, I am depressed to the point of tears, very, very embarrasing for me. Like all of us here, my marriage is over, my best friend gone. My career is in hiatus, at least and my brother wanders through my little house late at night, unable to sleep, haunting it like some confused ghost in search of some peace. I am glad I am not him.

I am looking for a happy medium in my faith. I am not, and cannot be, like GIIC. K, I admire you endlessly, but I can't 'do' my Catholicism and my faith in the same way as you. I wish I could, but in 37 years of being me, I have always come back to the same place; I need some intellectual footing upon which to build my faith, else it seems to evaporate for me. It is trite to say, but God built me this way for a reason. I think that I may take my computer traing and try to take classes in graduate physics and mathematics at the local State U. I would be happy in physics.

I need to go for now, because my shift is starting very soon...need to shower...God Bless you all....thank you all, thank you, thank you, thank you for all you have given me here.

I will reply in more depth again tonight after my shift is done.

Nellie1, I live on the Eastern End of Long Island, if that is close to you.......

Thank you from the bottom of my HEART,
cpp

FAITH is the substance of things hoped for; the eveidence of things not seen.

If you find yourself far from God, make your way back to him. He has promised to never leave or forsake us. We are the ones who remove ourself from his presence. Cry out to him in the smallest way to just help you find your way back and you will.

This message is not intented for the athiests posting here, but for the believers.
Free