I thought that there was no God. I thought that, at best, if there were a God, He was mute and deaf. I thought that the World and the Universe where cold and dark and empty places and that Heaven was bad joke played on us all.

It is not too embarassing to admit that I was wrong. God showed His face to me in the form of everyone who replied to my post, everyone who read my post and simply prayed for me, everyone who has had a terrible day and still let me know that I was not alone, thinking of you, cajunky.

I am a computer programmer and I love it. When I was laid off from my last job, I did not know what to do, so after living on unemployment for a good while, I got a job on a ferry. This is a job I had done while in college and I NEVER liked it. In fact, I really, really hate it no end. However, it is a paycheck and does get me out of the house. There are other benefits to it; The owner is a very devout man and has pledged his support to me to NOT let me remain in the ferry's employ, but rather to support me in achieving my dream of becoming an independent software contractor. Toward that end he has given me my first job writing some software for the company. This is a good thing. In addition, if you had seen the weather yesterday, few of you would have felt sorry for me...cool, blue skies, light, salty breeze off the water and a sunset that belongs on a canvas. The problem is the grinding monotony of the job and the physical pain I experience almost continuously while there. Were it not for the crew, who are the best guys, and the weather, which yesterday was a blessing, I could not do the job. One day when it is 34 degrees and raining horizontally from the high winds for 9 hours, I may not feel so good about any of it...but yesrterday was good and I atrtribute that to the prayers and love I got from everyone here. God heard you and came to my aid...God is you, God is all of us...how else can He do his work here on Earth? Am I wrong?

I still fight depression everyday. Sometimes I fight it minute by minute. It is not easy. I can tell that I am not alone in this battle and let me tell all others who also fight this demon; Neither are you alone, for I am there with you, praying, hoping, fighting. Thank you.

One day all of this will be done and I (all of us, I hope) will be able to look back on these dark days with gratitude for our having survived them and come out stronger. I got a call from a friend the other day and he told me that he had left his wife. I am not sympathetic to his situation, because he spoke PERFECT foggese for the entire phone call. He could be a spokesman for the Wayward Spouse Association, if there were such a thing. The positive thing was that I called his wife and was able to give her some real support, because her plight was not theory to me; I had lived it for more than a year and was able to really, truly listen to her and know what she was going through. I gave the address of this site, but I have not seen any posts I think might be hers. Her WH does not know what he might be losing. Do any of them?

I have to write an email to GIIC, so I should sign off for now, but I will continue to keep you all posted and I see that there are some recent posts where some encouraging words from me might be needed...can you believe that one?!!!!

God Bless all on MB,
I pray for,
My Best to you,
c++

<small>[ September 30, 2002, 09:06 AM: Message edited by: c++_guy ]</small>

C++....The one thing we christians can do is support each other when fellow christians are down and bathe each other in prayer. You saw first hand what it is like to have christians friends. Glad you are doing better today.

Love in Christ
cajunky

cpp-

Ok. So I had been praying for your job situation to improve - does the software design for the ferry co. count?

Sounds like God may have given you some little ups to counteract some of the downs.

Keep asking for strength to survive - He'll give it to you without fail.

Keep hanging in there! K

Am praying for you now. Your helping this friend's wife is part of God's plan. You are moving in His direction.

The economy is gettin' better slowly now. Think there will be alot of opportunity for you. Ever thought of contacting a headhunter to help you with this job thing? Just a thought.

Have you joined a Divorce recovery group? Many exist and sometimes just venting with real people there and bible study leaders makes a heap of difference. Gotta go. Son has fever.

Cajunky,

Being supportive is not simply a Christian thing that "you Christians do". Many people who gave words of encouragement were not "Christians". Just a bit of advice try to stay away from the group thing it’s very annoying. I can say more but I would hate to think that MB was a meeting place for only Christians looking for answers. We exchange stories, exchange views and help each other when we fall. This is a trying time for everyone. Just felt you should know this.

C++Guy,

So happy to hear you are feeling more 'human' again! God is amazing. I've been keeping you in my prayers and will continue to do so.

I guess this is a very long-term ordeal we're all going thru. Just heard from a friend the other day about her hitting the depths of depair again, and she's been apart from her WH for three years. She also reached out to friends and asked for prayer support, and is MUCH better.

It's so good to see you posting again, being more like your usual self. Take care, and stay strong in your faith. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

c++,

I missed you recently on IM. I am so glad you are doing better. I am also so glad you are looking at things in a different light...

I don't think it is a coincidence that you start to work on a ferry that just happens to be a Christian owner, who just happens to want to help you and who just happens to need you to write software for his company....nope...it has to be a higher power that positioned all this for you...God's hand was definitely in that.

Perhaps God isn't moving as fast as you would like, but he moves at his own pace, in his own time, in his own way...

Unfortunately for us, I don't think God gives us motor boats when we are drowning, I think he throws us small life boats and then expects us to paddle hard...

I also think those who suffer most on earth and stay close to God, will have more glory in heaven.

Take care my friend,

ANNA

Hi C++ Guy! What an encouragement to hear this update from you. Thanks for sharing with us. We're continuing to pray, and I'm glad you are uplifted also. Keep the Faith, reach for opportunities and things WILL go your way!
May GOD keep blessing you, in whatever life throws at you - He is there for you.
Peace, Harold

C++guy,

God showed His face to me in the form of everyone who replied to my post, everyone who read my post and simply prayed for me, everyone who has had a terrible day and still let me know that I was not alone,

God is good, all the time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The problem is the grinding monotony of the job and the physical pain I experience almost continuously while there.

I can relate to the physical part but have found that magnets really work - sounds weird but true.

I still fight depression everyday. Sometimes I fight it minute by minute. It is not easy. I can tell that I am not alone in this battle and let me tell all others who also fight this demon; Neither are you alone, for I am there with you, praying, hoping, fighting. Thank you.

Have found solutions to this too. Can expand more on this if you would like. I'm headed out of town for a college reunion so if I dont post for a few days you'll know why.

I was at an awesom prayer group meeting last night & here was one of the saying: He will NEVER forsake you.

God Bless,

D.

PS Mother Mary is there for you ... let her take your burdens