Well, I have been put through a journey for a year and a half and it's finally coming to a end. At least this part. My D will happen on 11/20.

A small recap - Been M for 10 years. We have kids. My WW had EA and/or more with co-worker starting 04/01. Found out a month later. WW has lied time and time again about A. Planned A for 8 months until I gave her D papers late last year. Continue to plan A. WW never once tried to work on us. Never. I know both our EN were not being met, but this is how she solved it.

It's going to be tough, not much as for my missing my WW, but for my kids. I can't picture not being with them all the time. As far as my WW is concerned. I wanted this D to happen soon, like last Feb, because I was tired of hurting. It never happend. One good thing that came from waiting is that I lost most of my love for my WW. I know it sounds bad, but I don't care like I used to. If she wanted to reconcile, I would try, it would take a lot of work on both ends. I don't feel the way I did towards her like I did in the beginning of this year. My love bank emptyed out.

All I can say is read on healing yourself. Try to look at the big picture down the road. I know it won't be easy, but I have people who depend on me and I need to be there for them.

I have learned a lot from this site. At first I did not agree with the logic, but over time you realize why you use Plan A and other ideas. I am greatful for that. I learned a lot from the forums. I used them to my advantage.

I can walk away and know that I tried 110 percent. It makes this easier for me because WW NEVER TRIED. It's sounds weird I know, but it helps make my decision for D easier to do. I was told awhile back by a buddy's father "Why stick around with someone if they don't want you". I know it a general statement, but it's true. Hopefully, I will meet someone down the road who will appericate me for who I am and what I do.

Thanks for hearing me out.

Dino

Although I am sorry for your situation, I am in complete and utter agreement about what you have learned. I am in exactly the same situation in that my wife had several affairs. We even tried to reconcile, but she just couldn't give up the other man and would not work on anything about us. She still feels that it was all me, even when she found that all the things she blamed on me didn't work when she was the only perosn involved. She left once again, and I realized that I indeed deserved better than her.

I realized over the Plan A period that although everything I did had no effect on her, it had a profound effect upon me. It allows me to walk away with my head held high. I have done everything to preserve our relationship and make it flourish, but it is like fertile ground without water. Nothing can grow without both.

As pained as I am by my choice in a wife that has such little character as to let this type of thing happen, I am very much heartened by my knowledge that I am a good man and that my children will be well cared for. I also hope that one day I will find someone that will be happy with the significant desire I have to make her life beautiful. I want so much to have someone to share my love and life. I wish that it could be my wife, but alas, I see that she has no such desire and I have no further love for a person who doesn't love me in return.

We are in a good place, as hard as it is. I feel that although I have hit bottom, my feet are firmly planted on that bottom and sending me upward. I hope that you will do well. Realization is tremendous, both in freedom and devestation. But without willing partners, nothing can be accomplished other than personal growth. And for that, my time is incalculably valuable.

Take care.

Formerly Confused,

That's an excellent reply. You're thinking is the same as mine. We know what we're up against and we need to keep moving forward.

You wrote - "We are in a good place, as hard as it is. I feel that although I have hit bottom, my feet are firmly planted on that bottom and sending me upward. I hope that you will do well. Realization is tremendous, both in freedom and devestation. But without willing partners, nothing can be accomplished other than personal growth. And for that, my time is incalculably valuable." - This is so true.

Take care

Dino