My divorce was final over a month ago. Overall, I feel my recovery is going really well. The only thing I have left to do as part of the divorce agreement is refinance the house in my own name by November 15th.

I'm going out with friends, keeping busy at work and am enjoying life at home with my pooch.

A few things that bother me:

***Not talking to my MIL anymore. We were really close. I've emailed her, but to no avail. She says (via email) that she loves me, but that's about it. Obviously I know she doesn't want to be in the middle, etc.

***Not having a clue where my XH now lives. He has been SO secretive. I think he has moved, but am not sure if he lives with his father in another state or lives in OW's state. Either way - I don't really care. I just think it's ridiculous that it is such a secret.

The good person in me always wanted to be cordial when it was all over. A part of me still wishes this, but recent things have come up that pretty much proves he had some kind of PA while we were still married (before) separation.

So, why do I care? I guess there is a part of me that would like to curse him out and tell him that I know he lied and cheated.

I don't think about this stuff ALL the time either, it's just stuff that is on my mind occasionally - mostly because of my closeness with my former MIL. I do miss her and our conversations alot.

Anyone feel/felt the same way? Any advice?

Thanks,
Llama

Remember that recovery takes time - I've been divorced for five months and I still feel like you do - and my Ex is secretive too - he's on a trip somewhere for a week but wouldn't tell me where or if he was going to contact the kids during that time or anything. I actually think he's on a cruise being chased around by hurricane Lili!

Just keep working on yourself.

Grieve, work through the feelings. It takes time.

K

Hi llama: Good to hear from you. I feel somewhat the same way in that I grieve for certain things that used to be. But I sure have made progress since I started posting and I know you have too.

I think GIIC is correct, it just takes time. I am confident that the day is coming real soon when I just won't care what my X is doing either. As for your MIL, you know the saying - blood is thicker than water. But give it time, she may contact you one of these days when some time has passed and then you can renew your friendship. Your X may have told her not to let you know where he is and that may make her feel uncomfortable. I bet she misses you too. I got a phone call a couple of days ago from my X's former receptionist. She told me she was afraid to call me because she thought she would get fired!! So, my X is trying to hide things too. It's all just so childish.

Take care and e-mail when you have time.

Thanks GIIC and Fingers -
It's always nice to know that you're not alone in all of this recovery stuff. It's weird - most days, I don't even think about my X, the marriage or anything. Then, a few days - I just get pissed and want to scream. There is no way in heck I would EVER want him back - EVER. I don't even really miss him or what we had. Since what we had wasn't all that great. Sure, I remember the fun times - the more I think about it all, the more I realize we were almost like friends who lived together - no intimacy at all.

Any good book recommendations for personal growth or recovery. I'm reading the Four Agreements right now. I've had the book for years, but haven't read it since I first purchased it.

Thanks,
Llama

I'm bothered by knowing that my former in-laws pretty much hate me after loving me for 25 years. I wrote them a very nice letter in May when we first announced that we would be divorcing. I haven't heard from them but my former sister-in-law let me know that they think it's all my fault. I try to remember that they don't know the truth about their son.

I still hope that some day we will have a good relationship again.

I hear ya Fighting Spririt - it is indeed funny how the inlaws change. I still occasionally email/IM with my X's stepfather who is married to his mother (who I was VERY close to). He is always nice, but keeps the conversation general - nothing about X or anything like that.

I have a hunch that my X is in the OW's city - from what I know he is not working and is supposedly taking care of himself, working out, losing weight etc.

I feel that the inlaws are probably embarassed by his behavior and don't want to talk to me about him in case it came up about where he lives. My X actually said he was uncomfortable telling me whether or not he left the city we live in. BIG DEAL!!! He's just trying to have some power - whatever makes him happy.

I'm going to meet our priest this weekend to start on the annulment process. I'll be getting the house reappraised in the next few weeks and will be getting house refinanced. It will feel REALLY GOOD when I have all those loose ends tied up.

Take care everyone!
Llama