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STBX calls this morning sobbing. She is having trounle financially. I talk her through what she needs to do with bank/creditors etc.
She call and leaves a message, still crying saying how sorry she is for everything, the A's, etc. She asked me to call her back.
I know if I call her back, I will start feeling sorry and start helping or wanting to help.
Should I call? Is this the start of her repentance? It sounds like her and boyfriend are breaking up...Is she coming out of fog?
I thought I knew what to do when she was foggy (get on with my own life with kids). Now I am not too sure...crap!!!!!!! I hate feeling confused!!!
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Call her back and ask why her boy toy can't or won't help her out. If he really loves her (?) he will offer assistance and/or advice. Maybe HE wants his cake and eat it too...Your wife AND your money...
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Only you know if she is repentant or not, from knowing her over time...I'm sure some of the sorrow is from a broken heart from her A with OM, the guilt, shame, the tearing apart that comes with it. Don't rush to her rescue with your money, if her financial state is part of what is bringing her to reality, let her be responsible otherwise you'll enable her bad behavior, she'll know she can do her dirty work and you'll always bail her out each time...Sure be there for her and care. If you want to reconcile you can sow some good seeds at this time and make a positive impact, if she is sorry as she says you'll see the changes that take place when a WS is repentant, extreme actions follow, not just words and a drama scene, you can go to the local theater for some drama...
See where she stands with OM and acknowleges what she's done without defense.
This is a perfect example of Hosea 2:7
7 And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them: then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then was it better with me than now.
Good luck
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I can only pray that this same situation develops for me whenever I get around to filing for divorce.
I would not ask her why the OP can't give her assistance. That might be received as some type of disrespectful judgement. From the tone of your post, it sounds as though you would consider reconciliation under the right circumstances.
Like EC stated, only you can know for sure what to make of this. I have interviewed a number of lawyers in preparing for my case and almost all of them have said that it can be a sharp dose of reality when your WS gets served with those papers. If you handled things respectfully with your wife it certainly has to make her think.
I say go for it without expecting much. Sounds like you haven't got much to lose and a lot to gain...
Best of Luck!
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I believe you should not enable her. Ask the Harleys. This could be the beginning of a repentant heart but could be more manipulation. I pray it is postive change. Pray too.
Let her A die a natural death. It is on the wway. Took my h's A almost 2 years for it to die and he is still not repentant. He is blaming me now for being a witch because I am in plan B with him as he has done the whole gamut with me from game playing to lies to crying to the I'm sorry's without any true repentance at all.
Read book by Dr. phil called Life Strategies. It says that words without actions are like faith without works. Both are pointless. See if her words have actions to back. Ask for advice from the Harleys. You want her to come to a good conclusion but without enablement on your behalf. That is all I can add. Wishing the best.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Time to Move on: <strong>Well Peachy, take a board and knock me up side the head. Frickin' WS said she needs help getting into apt. Fine...sign the sep. agreement. She says fine. I'm in Maryland teaching a software class. She calls 8 times in a panic...must have a certified check or cash. Please, please...etc. I call during a break and she says she promises to sign agreement, but she needs $ today or she will lose apt. Like an idiot, I wire $ into her acct. She says thank you in a sweet voice. Later, I call and ask, did you sign? Oh...the notary was gone when I got there, so I will go Thursday...this time her voice was not so sweet... Peachy, GIIC, et. al....next time she asks, I need you all to tell me HELL NO!!!!!I swore to her not ever another dime...(I am so pi--ed at myself!!!). She wants to borrow my car to help move some more stuff out of house...I laughed and said when you sign...she got angry at me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ... She took all of her hook rugs and furniture because "Joe does is a typical bachelor and I told him I am doing the decorating" (God help poor Joe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) Everyone...make sure you always remind me..."Do not trust her and don't send money!!!!" Pete</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here's that 2x4 you asked for.
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P.S. You should have seen this coming. Bailing her out won't buy her love, any more than it did the last time. She has proven she will say and do anything she has to to SELL you on the idea that MAYBE THIS TIME....
Even if it's not intentional, she's playing you.
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No Way tell her her financies are her responsibility.
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K-Andy...thanks for the 2x4 (it hurt! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )
Peach Pie...your're right...I think we get a glimpse of a mirage, chase after it and wind up with a mouth full of sand...
<small>[ October 03, 2002, 07:32 PM: Message edited by: Time to Move on ]</small>
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My good friend TMMO, No more cake. Repeat it to yourself. No more cake. The verbal 2x4 was enough earlier to remind you. Ask how to deal with her from pro's. But do not in the meanwhile enable her with $$$. You could always donate to us BS's who are having a rough go at it and donate to the Notpeachy Chardonnay Conoisseur's Foundation..Lol. You just need to have a glass of what I am having now and it will all make good sense my brother. We need to have a MB Divorcing Ultimate Picnic. We will have a blast. We can bring our notebooks and no picnic food but good wine. And cheese, and grapes and marinated mozzarella cheese w/balsmaic vinegar drizzled on top. I will bring some very good wine. Sorry about that my good buddy but thought you and I needed some positive thoughts here. That would be so fun. Have it here in Hotlanta. Anyway, do not enable her. Do not bake any more luscious desserts for. Bake for the MB ultimate wine picnic/BS Day Out. We should call it that--the BS Day Out. Hilarious! Twinkle--finance. That is how it is spelled. In the plural sense it is finances. Thank you very much. And don't give ANY ADVICE IF YOU ARE CHEATING LYING AND BETRAYING ALL THE WHILE....WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM? THE ONE WHERE ALL THE ABDUCTED SPOUSES GO? KNOW IT IS HARD TO READ ENGLISH WHEN YOU ARE LOST IN THE PROVERBIAL FOG BUT TRY...TRY TO SPELL PROPERLY.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
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I had to add this about our picnic,, all the BS's can bring ONE HALF of a pie, ONE HALF OF A CAKE, half eaten cake that is, and one half of whatever they want to bring except for GOOD WINE... LOL!!!I am just kidding but wouldn't that be wild? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Hey Peach Danish!! The picnic would be a lot of fun! Funny thing abou the wine though...ever since she left, I have had ZERO desire to drink any kind of alcoholic beverage. I tried to analyze it and I think it may be a subconcious (sp---I'm tired <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ) reaction to her life style. I drink buttload (equal to about 1 US Gal) of water every day! Finally planning on going out to see a concert in a couple of weeks with a buddy (NO DATE!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ). Going to see the Reverend Horton Heat in D.C. They play awesome rockabilly! Thanks for the words Peach Ice Cream!! p.s. for Peach Schnapps---You use the Shakira quote. Did you dance like that when you had your dance party (wearing the MonkeyHo slippers? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) Pete <small>[ October 03, 2002, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: Time to Move on ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted... <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Time to Move on: <strong> Frickin' WS said she needs help getting into apt. Fine...sign the sep. agreement. She says fine. I'm in Maryland teaching a software class. She calls 8 times in a panic...must have a certified check or cash. Please, please...etc. I call during a break and she says she promises to sign agreement, but she needs $ today or she will lose apt. Like an idiot, I wire $ into her acct. She says thank you in a sweet voice. Later, I call and ask, did you sign? Oh...the notary was gone when I got there, so I will go Thursday...this time her voice was not so sweet... Peachy, GIIC, et. al....next time she asks, I need you all to tell me HELL NO!!!!! I swore to her not ever another dime...(I am so pi--ed at myself!!!). She wants to borrow my car to help move some more stuff out of house...I laughed and said when you sign...she got angry at me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ... She took all of her hook rugs and furniture because "Joe does is a typical bachelor and I told him I am doing the decorating" (God help poor Joe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) Everyone...make sure you always remind me..."Do not trust her and don't send money!!!!" Pete</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Age: 38 STBXW: 35 Kids: 3 (8, 10, 13) Married: 14 years STBXW: 4 confirmed PAs Separation: 15 Jul 02 </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, with a TRACK RECORD like hers... NO NO NO NO NO! You made the bed - go sleep in it. All the advice that has been posted before me, listen! Or in other words... "How many times does she have to carnival-sucker you before you get it that - she's only going to call you WHEN SHE NEEDS SOMETHING FROM YOU - don't ask her for anything because you're NOT going to get anything but BS lies and more LAME excuses from her... Harold
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