Many of you know my present story but here is a short version.
My wife is dating a Green Beret in the army. His wife died from cancer a few years ago. He is a good guy so far but several little things have happened that have raised my eyebrow about him that has made me scared for my wife. About 3 weeks ago his girlfriend, that my wife apparently took him away from, called me and during the conversation it came out that he has a real bad temper when he gets mad. She said he has terrible road rage and when he gets mad he yells and cusses and he even did this to her when they would get in an argument. There was an incident at the mall with my wife when some kids flipped him off and he got out of his car and approached them like he was going to beat them up or something.

Now here is my present problem that I need advice on please. Today my son and I were together and I asked him if Mr. Army ever did anything to harm his mom or him and sister to promise me to please tell me. He then told me that Mr. Armys daughter has told him that when Mr. Amy used to get drunk that Mr. Army would beat his wife. My son asked me not to tell wife but needless to say I am mortified.

I don't know what to do. Should I tell wife in a concerned matter or should I plead with son to talk to his mom about it. I have to do something because as you all know I love my wife very much and I am afraid if anything happened to her I would seriously shoot the person dead.

Just needing some advice please.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ October 03, 2002, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

Hi C,

As a father I wouldn't have no problem presenting that to my wife, I did to mine without a problem about her BF, its not for her protection only but for my kids...OK,I wouldn't approach her in anger but I would put it back in the BF D's lap. I would just say to W, BF's D told S BF beat previous W in front of kids, I think you should know this......What will happen is more flags will start to go up about stuff you no nothing about..she'll start having flash backs of his anger and will get scared to commit..She'll see son is seeing it and will probably start telling you when BF blows up.

If your kids ever got hurt by BF you'll kick yourself in guilt because you never said anything to W....don't set yourself up for potential hurt, but let her know in someway she can run to you if that takes place, your door is open....she needs a escape route, You!

I haven't followed your story lately but has she seen the change in you? We have.

bump

CJ

Oh I am so sorry. Seems like GI Joe isn't the All american hero anymore..Anyhow, I am in agreement in that your xw needs to know. You love them and now although you are divorced from her, you are your kids' dad and you need to protect them also. That is your responsibility. God has given you that charge.

But...Do not do this without asking for advice on how to approach your xW with this information. Ask a counselor or minister. You DO NOT WANT TO PUSH HER THE OTHER WAY..INTO GI JOE'S ARMS. She may see you as bashing GI Joe and then she will want to protect him. I have learned this. Austin always protected ms. monkey from the "horrible vulgar schemes" of his faithful wife. Anything I ever said about this woman including the fact that she has been with several other married men, was ignored and I was verbally punished for my disclosures. I say that get the advice from a pro, then also ask them what you can do. I would find out where he lived before and check court records/proceedings to see if any police records or judgements like assualt and battery are in his past to back it up. If it is indeed true, and you really need to find this out, then I would contact my attorney to keep your kids away from him based upon this info.

if need be, legally pursue this matter regarding the welfare of your kids Cajunky. If you have to go to court for them, then they could attempt to I love you as a brother in Christ and want only the best and restoration for your family. But in the present, you need to preserve your kids safety and welfare. Take the behind the scene actions I told you above and find out the legal stuff about this guy. In the meanwhile also get that advice from the professional and TALK TO YOUR KIDS AND LISTEN WELL.

I think GI joe will LB really soon. Sounds like me he has gotten a little too much schrapnel in the head or something. I just do not want your precious little ones around this guy.

Try to approach this as hard as it may be, with your head on straight and keep your emotions at bay. It is time to think with your head. Do the smart things. Don't overreact and make GI joe look like the picture of male stability ok?

cajunky:

So sorry to read about this turn of events. Only you know how W will react to your attmept to speak to W about "GI Joe's" temper. How is your R with her at this time? Is she "open" to convo's w/you? If she is still very "enamored" with him, she will not listen, and as has been mentioned, she may actually defend him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I think maybe I would discuss with son whether or not W is open to this possibility. If she is ANY KIND of a mother, she would listen to her children's concerns, or fears, before she would listen to you (EX-H).

Sorry I don't have any better advice, since it's such a delicate issue. The wrong move by you COULD move her closer to him (very bad situation).

Of course, prayer will do more for your sitch than anything else you could do! I will pray with/for you and W in this most dangerous turn of events.

BTW - does W have primary custody of your children? Could you ask to have them more often? (IF she wants to put herself in harm's way, that's her choice, but you don't have to allow your children to remain in this dangerous position.).

God Bless,

Thanks for responding everyone. The problem is my kids like this guy. My son made me promise to not tell his mom because GI joes daughter will get in trouble. I have talked to my son about him talking to wife but he said he will not and he didn't want to talk about it any more. I don't want to make it where he doesn't talk to me about things.
I am getting ready to take them back to mother and I think I will just tell wife that I am scared and then tell her what son has told me.

Pray that I will have the right things to say and the correct things to say. I love my wife very much and I want to always protect her.

Love in Christ
cajunky

I'm not totally disagreeing with everyone else, but I do think you ought to stop and think about a few things:
1. How old is the daughter and would she have any reason to make this up in order to scare your ex-wife and/or son?
2. If this is something he used to do when he was drunk, is he still drinking or has he overcome this problem?
3. Was this something that happened more than once or just once a long time ago?
4. Could the girl be exagerating?

Until you know more of the facts, I'd suggest taking a fairly casual approach, for instance "This is probably nothing, but I've been told . . ." Otherwise, as someone else mentioned, you will risk angering her and pushing her to the other guy. Either way, be prepared for her to think that you are making it up. People only believe what they are ready to believe.

Good luck.

OK...I took kids back and asked wife if I could talk to her. I told her I was scared and then I told her what son had told me. I cried when I was telling her because I do love her so much and I don't want her hurt. She said she would try and check into it as best she could. My wife isn't the type to stick around if there was even a hint of abuse so I do have that to be thankful for. I told her I wanted her to call me anytime if she needed me.

Fighting...She is 14 years old and I don't know of a reason she would make this up but then again I don't know her. The only reason that I could think of was she doesn't want another mom right now. She may feel threatened by wife. He is still drinking but I don't know to what extent. My wife drinks beer too so I don't know anything specific.

Just pray that my wife and kids will be safe and that God will someday bless me with them in our safe home again.

Love in Christ
cajunky

You go CJ.

Used your heart and genuine kindness instead of bashing the guy and making her defend him.

Now use your noggin and good heart some more and find out by visiting the court house and researching where this guy has lived. Check his D documents. I filed under 3 different counts, including cruel treatment. That is public record. There is so much that is public record. GI Joe cannot hide from that.

Find that out and still pray. Like the quote says, keep praying to God, but row like mad to shore. God wants you to be smart my buddy. You were blessed with both a good heart and brain. In this case brains and love are much stronger than brawn so use them. Use the power of god's love along with wisdom given you to help bring them somewhat closer. Still pray.

Remember, this new life of yours will take some time for W to see. Kids may already see it, but it wil take her some time. In my case, I would love to believe Austin. See Austin repent. But know that if he did, I would have to go on actions to see the fruits of his effort.

Keep it up. You are the man. We're behind you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I spent nearly 9 years in the Army. The military is RAMPANT with cheaters and all kinds of adultery, etc. etc. Why do you think those 4 soldiers returning from Afghanistan killed their wives? I've been deployed numerous times and I've also spent 'time in the rear' (old Army term for not getting sent to the field/deployed) so I have seen what goes on.
Your wife is playing with fire and literally taking her own life into her hands. Your main job in the military and you train every day to do it better and better - is an 11B. That is an Infantryman. An infantryman's job is to kill the enemy. The enemy is other persons. Of course, if your wife is hell-bent on continuing this potential path of destruction, and continues to remain in the fog, I guess there's not a lot you can do. Sorry if this sounds bleak, but it's the truth as I see it.
SGT T-Bird (US Army, RET)
Harold

Hi, it's the Bird checking in again... One thing you could do to toss a monkey-wrench into the workZ is to REPORT THIS BS TO HIS CHAIN-OF-COMMAND. Depending on how squared-away this soldier is - his chain of command will (generally) take a pretty dim view of this crap. One other thing - if you don't get any satisfaction from the Chain Of Command, the next step is the dreaded INSPECTOR GENERAL. Soldiers quake at the thought of the IG stepping in...
Just a thought - depends on how bad ya want to throw that M Wrench...
Good Luck,
Harold