I feel really crap today after filing my Divorce Paperwork. I know its not what I want. Yet I see no other choice at all. I am following what Steve H has advised me, and my MC here in the UK but I feel like hammered **** to quote Blade 2 <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

When you guys filed was it such an emotional hit to you? I dont seem to be able to pick myself back up?

Neil.

When I filed for divorce, I had no more love left for my xWW. Her multiple infidelities and her abusive behavior killed all the love I had left for her, and so instead of feeling sh**y, I was actually feeling releived that I was coming back to life. The grieving I experienced was long past the half way point of my M.

What exactly did SH tell you?

Guarded Plan A but it wouldn't last that long because I was so tired fighting and had been thru so much that I'd sorta been Plan A'ing for months.

I would slide into Plan B because I was tired and hurting to much. That I should think about the Divorce paperwork and filing as a move forward and that I should consider my Plan B timeframe. All of which I have done. She keeps wanting the divorce etc so its moving ahead and I am in minimal contact (only minimal discussion re: kids) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Neil.

Porsche S,

When I filed, I did not want it, but it was someting I had to do. I was a wreck for weeks after I gave WW the paperwork.

My WW at that point wanted nothing to do with us. She told me months prior that she was only sticking around for the kids. She also told me that sex was out of the question. I can walk away knowing that I tried 110 percent. WW gave nothing.
I planed A for months and months with nothing to show.

I wanted the D to happen ASAP, because of the crap that was happening. Well, as it turned out, we will be D on Nov. 20. But this actually helped me out emotionally. As sad as it is, I was able to empty my love bank for my W. I feel a lot better about what is going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I am sad this is going to take place, but I'm better prepared for it. I also read a lot on how to heal for a D. I just feel for my kids. They will be devastated.

Good Luck

Dino

Did you Plan B at all Dino?

No, I'm still living at home with WW.

PorscheS,

I understnad how you feel. When I filed on my wife, she had left me for another man, said she was never coming back and said that she did not care which one of us filed. I figured that since I was doing the paying, I might as well be doing the filing.
It hurt like hell...a feeling along the same lines as putting your beloved dog to sleep because he or she is too sick to live and in constant pain. Wanted to throw up, actually.

c++

Hi,
I am filing for a divorce,yes it is sad but I have a BF anyway

Hi P,

I filed on 9/24. Just today Im starting to shake out of it. I was sliding into depression. I am getting out of it now. It took a whole week for me to grieve. Try to be around family and friends as much as possible.

Hang in there my friend!

Take care!

When I filed last year, I laid in the entertainment room, in the dark for almost two days. Cried more than I could imagine.

But it is like putting something to sleep. My M has been on life support for a year now as that has been how long since I filed. The betrayals got worse and worse and then ms. monkey supposedly broke up with him 3 mos. ago. Why do I still think they will get back together? I almost think it is for the D so she won't get subpoenae'd,but SHE WILL.

You wil feel bad for a while. But remember you are getting off the crazy ride now. You have said enough and no more. You are saving yourself and your sanity when there is no more to do. Expect wierd stuff and audacity like never before. When you read the paper, it reads mr. x versus ms. x. The versus means there is a war of words and legality now. You can still use MB principles in the divorce.

I am praying for you and pray you feel peace tonight. Leave your M at God's fee. Remember he has brought back the dead before ok? But when you have limited contact w/your stbx, then use your mind. The foggy ones like to play with the minds of sane individuals. The foggy ones are like Hannibal Lecter was with Agent Starling..toying with her, playing with her emotions and her mind.

Sometimes like this morning I wake up and wonder if this is just a bad dream.

I woke up this morning and thought I saw my wife back in our bed, but then she rolled over and it was one of my daughters who'd snuck in in the night. My heart had already skipped a beat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Neil.

I can relate. Gave our custody/CS argreement to the lawyer yesterday and we'll have the paperwork back to sign next week. It was the most horrible 5 minutes of my life - can't believe it was that quick! Once the ball gets rolling it feels so final. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Have been torturing myself with sad country songs since. If he's not coming home it had to be done. At this point, I'm just searching and praying for him to show some signs of hope and when I think he does they are so few and far between and unexpected that I don't realize what they might have been. I HATE THIS! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I woke up this morning and thought I saw my wife back in our bed, but then she rolled over and it was one of my daughters who'd snuck in in the night. My heart had already skipped a beat </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did that last week and I usually don't dream. Dreamt he came home, woke up feeling great and happy, stepped into the living room and looked at the "replacement" furniture and bawled.

No sign of the paperwork draft which I was expecting at the weekend. Not in any rush to get it in truth.

But I have properly told my wife I am in Plan B then divorce.

Draft Divorce paperwork arrived today. Wife has been having a go at me about "Someday you may find out that Plan A and B went further towards pushing me away than helping, you seem to think this has all been easy for me it has not".

Neil.

I filled out the paperwork. In the UK we start with a "Statement of Arrangements for Children" which outlines how the children are looked after.

This was pretty straight forward because we had agreed it pretty much in detail before hand. I did make a mistake though in that the form mentioned to tell your WS about agreement which I did via Text message. Sadly that opened up another can of worms and arguments about me and what I had done to hurt her, got messy yet again.

I dropped them back into the solicitor this morning who is finishing up what in the UK is called a Divorce Petition. That then gets submitted to the court and then to my wife.

Neil.

Porsche I feel your pain. My XW suffers from BPD as well. We might be starting recovery. I felt I had no choice but to get the divorce. I never wanted it, but I didn't see any other option. I've been miserable and sometimes I regret doing it, but I know nothing would've changed. I know things may be changing now. I also know my XW never stopped loving me. That is what made it so hard. I couldn't live the way we were living anymore.

I really can't offer you any incouragement. Trust to yourself, your true friends and family.

I take that back. I do have some encouragement for you. After being in a BPD relationship you will find a normal relationship absolutely amazing!

For me I wanted that relationship with my XW. The love of my life.

Thanks Moving On.

I need all the encouragement I can get right now. I'm moving forward slowly. I have a couple of busy weeks coming up which I am trying to focus on.

Also the Kids are getting a good break at their Grans without me so that will do them good to get away from the intensity of the situation for them.

They struggled yesterday because they realised that Mummy would not be coming for Christmas and Daddy did not want any presents from Mummy.

Its like they understand what is going on but are not truly aware of the consequences until it hits them at a practical level like Xmas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Neil.

Kids are at their Grans. WW's verbal abuse and focus on me as her abuser/persecutor continues. Now she doesn't get enough money from me to look after kids...

THEN she asks me "would you still have me back?" Whats that supposed to mean?

I am so laid back right now I am practically flat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Guarded Plan B continues. I am now actually where TheJohnSmith is. I don't think I can see any recovery for us.

Neil.

Porsche - some of us have to file first, because we were forced into it. I filed, when the final straw was physical abuse. My WH was enraged, with the police telling me outside the house, and they were the ones that said you had better file.

Yes, we feel loss, great loss, this was the man I married for life, I still love this man, but I hate his actions. This man is not the same man I married 24 years ago. He is veryselfish, and uncaring.

I still feel crap for filing, but like many of us, we had no choice. This is the only sane thing we could do, this or take the abuse.

One day, I pray that all our spouses will see the light. I know for sure my WH is still in a deep MCL. Just by his actions and words. He is looking at his elderly body, trying to find ways to look better, he finally is exercising after many years of me wanting us to go to the gym together, he shaved his moustache off, now I know the real reason, he uses the nose clipper thing for nose hair, and ear hair, he is using a shampoo for thinning hair, (yes he is going bald), there are so many signs of his MLC. His dress, I see a difference, he wants to look nice for the woman he loves. He is buying exercise clothes, the lame excuses he gives me are excuses. I know the real reason. He bought a digital camera, lame excuse too. He was never into cameras. I was a camera buff, and still am, but I don't have a good digital camera. Can't afford much these days. There are so many signs that your walkaway spouse are in MLC's.

The feeling crap will be with you for a long time. Mine is still with me, and it hasn't changed. But I had no choice, and through counseling I am trying to find a resolution to this feeling of betrayal to my WH.

Try doing things for yourself, and who knows what will happen.