Hi,

Anyone out there who has been divorced and then reconciled? How long apart? Are you happier now?

H and I are talking nicely right now- had an intimate encounter the beginning of the week that was hopeful- but I wonder if I am delusional considering a reconciliation considering all that has happened. Maybe I am suffering from romantic recall because I am remembering good times and good feelings.

I do think that I need to stay on my own while we figure this stuff out- we need some major counseling.

Candybars,

I posted to you on Petvets thread. There are some women attempting to restart the relationship after divorce: Kily, and hopeful_person. You might find their reading helpful and you might be able to help them.

God Bless,

JL

Yes, there have been some successful remarriages posted here, but most no longer post. Wiffle is another lady who is apparently reconciling with her exH. It does happen and there have been threads here about it.

Candybars.

Your situation as a WS is unique in that you had A's with women instead of men. This poses an interesting dilemma because if it's dangerous to confide intimate issues with members of the opposite sex, then you have more of a problem in that you can not have friendships with even members of your own sex for fear that it may develop into an A.

Are you going to IC right now? I hope you are because it does no good to reconcile with your xH without finding the causes of your A's.

TooMuch: That thing about who I can have intimate relationships with is so dead on...that has been one of my thoughts regarding any future with H. Will I ever be able to have coffee with a female again?

I want to touch base on something here that is very strange about my situation: people will freak out I'm sure. My first A was more E than P but it was a little physical nonetheless. She had been a friend of mine for 20 years. We were both just so unhappy with our husbands at the time. Well- that situation became a huge thing in my marriage- I was no longer supposed to see her again- ya know the whole no contact thing. In early 2002 my H wanted to show me how much he was willing to change and he invited her over to the house for a visit. It was a mind blowing thing for him to do and now she and I are enjoying a regular normal friendship again and the whole A thing is a distant memory. It was never a real thing- only a symptom of an underlying problem in the marriage. When I look at her now I cannot believe I contemplated and had some type of "thing" with her.

I don't know what my point is- maybe all this stuff is just confirming that I can probably never go back to H because there is so much water under the bridge. Or- maybe there still is hope because weirder things have happened.

I must seem like the biggest screwball on this board.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know what my point is- maybe all this stuff is just confirming that I can probably never go back to H because there is so much water under the bridge. Or- maybe there still is hope because weirder things have happened.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You can never go back to the M you had before that's true, but that doesn't mean (if your personal issues are resolved) that you and your xH can not have a better M down the road. Whatever the outcome, before you can have any other serious R, you need to give emotional finality to your previous M because otherwise you'll be sabotaging any future M with emotional baggage from the past.