Went out tonight with some friends from work. I have never been one to socialize to any appreciable degree, but was asked by them so I went. We went to a local "happening" place and I felt aweful. I am not a single guy on the hunt. I am not a single guy wanting to play the field. I am a daddy and want to just be a loving husband. I can't stand this. I am not ready to date at all, and the whole reason I went out with these guys is because I felt that they would have little chance of being in the mix of women. I like these guys alot, but they are kind of, how should I say, single for a reason.

Anyway, we were playing pool and we had a really beautiful waitress, named Christina. I always try to find out my waitress/waiter's name, and use it. Anyway, after about 20 or 30 minutes she came over and told me that a group of women wanted to buy us drinks. There were 5 of us and about 8 of them. First of all, I have NEVER had a woman buy me a drink, and I was really caught off guard when I looked up and all of them were pointing at me, nodding, and smiling. I said sure, more at the behest of my companions than for myself. I was not looking for anything at all tonight. Just time out.

Well, a couple come over and ask me if they could have next game. I say sure and introduce myself and my friends. Both of them were very "available" throughout the game. I just was not interested. It was amazing. Both of them were very beautiful, and my companions were falling all over themselves trying to talk with them. but I was I guess somewhat avoiding them a little. And they wouldn't leave me alone. I know that this is most men's dream, but this is not me. I am a daddy. I want to be a husband. That is all. I want to be snuggling on the couch with my wife watching "Young Frankenstein". Not carousing the bars picking up or being picked up, by 'chicks'.

I am never going to make it. I don't have what it looks like it is going to take to ever be with anyone tht I would want again. Both of these women were very nice, and I really believe that I could have gone home with either had I been so inclined. But first of all, I am still married. And once again, even though that means nothing to my wife, it still means something to me. Even though it is only on a piece of paper. It meant less to her when we were both together than it means to me now that we are divorcing. I am just amazed.

Also, neither of these women could have been older than 25 or 26. I have pretty much decided that my age range will be between 28 and 35. I married an older woman who needed more stability in her life than I could supply her at this juncture. i.e. she stated that all her friends had already "Made it" whatever that means, considering I was in my last year and would have REALLY made it next year. I think she was just making excuses. I don't think she really has any clue what she needs or wants, just that she doesn't have it in me.

Anyway, I am relatively sure they were out of my age range. After me essentially avoiding them for about 30 minutes, my friends kind of ran them off. I have no idea what they were thinking. My waitress came over and asked if she could get me anything else. I asked for a diet coke and she about fell over. I had already had two beers and have never been a heavy drinker. Anyway she brought back the Coke and sat down on the bench next to me. As we were all talking I thought it was kind of funny, but didn't really think much more of it. She sat there for a few minutes talking with us, then as she got up, she put her hand on my knee and squeezed as she stood up.

This has been the wierdest evening I have ever had with women. Ladies, I am going to need your help desparately. First of all, I want you all to know that I have no desire to 'date' until after I am completely divorced. And then I am not sure when I will be ready. But I also don't want to stay 'indoors' until that occurs. I am nothing special. I told no one that I was a doctor, so I don't think that had anything to do with it. I was just wearing a soft, light blue V-neck long sleeve cashmere shirt. And Hilfiger pants. Nothing special, but they do fit me very well and my gym time shows pretty well. But my looks I don't think are anything special.

What I need is to start thinking about 'HOW' to talk to women again. Not to get them in bed, I don't think that would have been a problem tonight anyway. But how do I meet someone that I would want to actually be with. Where do I meet a 30ish year old lovely, warm, considerate woman that wants a great husband? How do I keep from falling for someone that is after my money or at least potential money? (I have none now) I have always been able to talk with women much better than men about things. I would much rather have a woman friend to be close to than a man, simply because men tend to be superficial to a much greater degree I guess than I am.

Ladies, I will need your help and support over the coming months and years. I think I can do the divorce thing OK, and I KNOW that I can be a great daddy. But I want to have someone to care for again. I want to have someone to love and be loved by. I want her to be desirous of me and I want her to be bold and interesting. I don't care if she has children or not. But she must be able to love mine. I know that I can love her's if she has any.

Again, I am not ready now. But tonight was a real eye-opener. I simply don't want this. I just want to come home to my wife and be with my children. I want to make her happy and feel loved more than anything else in this world. I want to provide a wonderful life for us all. But I can see that this is going to be harder than I thought. I guess I just thought that I wouldn't have to deal with this forward sort of thing from women. I guess it could be the opposite and no one would look at me. But I am not sure that that would necessarily be worse.

I love God and am trying to be Christian in all things in my life. The fact that I am 34 and a man. Have been married for 11 years to a beautiful woman whom I loved dearly. Loved making love to her each and every time. Now nothing. And then being approached in such a manner is disheartening to say the least. I guess, in reality, I shouldn't be in those types of places, because that is where "those" types of women hang out to a greater degree. I should know, my wife went to the bar more and more frequently over the last year under the guise of "girls night out".

I don't know ladies. I would like nothing more than to meet only one more woman in my life. I would love her to be smart, strong, caring, bold, adventursome, loving, funny, honest, and beautiful. I just want to have a wonderful wife for whom I can be a wonderful husband.

I found myself cussing my current wife on the drive home. Feeling pity for myself at being thrown into this type of situation for the sake of her lust. But I quickly realized that she isn't worth even that amount of emotion. She just absolutely has torn my heart out and now I feel completely soulless. I was always a daddy, husband, and doctor. Now all I want to be are those things again.

FormerlyConfused,
I've been in your shoes and its not comfotable to begin dating when you have been married. You are correct that you are still married and dating now would be like poisoning yourself. You are not available emotionally either.

Do you attend church? In large cities there are many large charismatic churches that have many classes on this subject and single socials. The ratio is about 4 women to every man. These women I have seen are good looking, intelligent and have often had bad spouse in the past. There are many children who need a good step father to influence them as they have no real father figures.
You sound like you have alot of character to enrich a woman's life. Most Christian women would love your qualities.
As far as the bar thing goes-trouble can begin there and slowly erode your morals and integrity. I bartended for awhile to support my children after I was divorced and learned alot about human nature. It doesn't matter how someone was raised or their profession. After so many drinks-the behavior is the same-few boundaries.
If you go in a bar now, only a fraction of the people will still be doing the bar thing a year from now. They settle down and get back into normal life again. Many are newly divorced and lonely and looking for someone to talk to. Before I tended bar, I presumed that bars were just filled with losers and low lifes. I realized that most of them were there not so much for booze, but company and someone to cheer them up.
My husband married the bartender-Me!
We hardly ever go out now except to dinner. He doesn't drink now-that was his divorced crazy spell. We garden, fix up the farm go to church-not the life one may have expected the way that we met.
All the girls that I worked with in the bar were doing it because we had children to support and in our small town, it was this type of work or WALMART. None of us grew up wanting to work in that environment. Many women sacrifice college to raise a family and never dream that they will end up a single destitute mother. Couldn't pay the mortgage on minimum wage.
Your opinion is wise.
My husband met the woman of his dreams with family values in a bar, but a large church would be a better place to start once you are ready.

FC -

Of course I just have to put in my 2 cents because I am going through the same thing too.

I agree with Ezra - church is the best place to meet people - get involved with the groups there - bible studies, or any other ministries - our church has a ministry for people with kids - and we're actually having an ice cream social tonite.

The reason why I suggest this is because in those groups you are usually working on some sory of project together and so talking to people is easier - it's not like you're trying to come up with something off the top of your head - you are actually having to focus on the task at hand - and then casual conversation comes from that. Maybe there is some sort of ministry that involves medicine that could use a doctor like you and perhaps others involved in medicine will have volunteered too - which lead me to another area

get involved with your children's school - we always need volunteers - and some with medical knowledge. You will meet lots of moms - some single some not - but it will help you get to know a variety of women which will help in the wife search.

Also, don't be afraid of people in bars - I just went on a mom's night out and we played darts - the guys at the pool table - who were also much younger came over to talk and some of them were married, some not but I have a friend who met her husband at a dance club - on a certain night they would have country music dancing and they would go and drink water and dance - they started out separately and met each other there.

However, I would also mention that right now you still need to heal from the separation, and then divorce - you will go through a whole new set of emotions after the divorce - believe me. I know guys need women to take care of them - it's the nature of the beast, but use this time to rediscover yourself - you are more than just a paycheck - you have interests, likes, dislikes and you want to be able to identify them so that you can find someone who has the same likes and dilikes that you do - you don't just want a warm body who can cook. You want a life partner.

And I know from experience - my Ex became his job and I doubt whether he truly knows himself at this point. It's the nature of medicine - you are a servant of the people. It's a career, not just a 9 to 5 and so sometimes you need to take a breather, put things into perspective, prioiritize and remember the person you were before getting "lost" in school and residency. There's a person in there somewhere!

Finally, and sorry if all this sounds preachy - it's my lawyer training - but I have heard - many many times, that when God thinks you're ready, He sends you someone - usually when you least expect it! But He may be waiting for you to really get yourself together, made sure that you've learned from this situation, know how to realy make a marriage work, and know how to be the Christian head of the household that you should be, before He graces you with a new wife.

And don't forget the power of prayer - be praying for healing of your life and for a wife that will be the perfect mate. God listens to those prayers too.

Right now God is preparing someone to be your wife, but maybe she isn't quite ready yet either.

So to be trite - be patient. Give yourself time to heal, and trust that God will not let you go wifeless forever. He knows what you need.

Didn't mean to go one so long. But trying to rush things is the biggest problem that I see, and this is the opportunity that not many get - a second change - a change to do it the right way - armed with the the MB knowledge, which should provide you and us all with incredible marriages and lives.

And I still have to get my marriage annulled - it will take at least a year where I am, so I know excatly where you are coming from - I feel life ticking away - I'm young, I want to start spending the rest of my life with my next husband NOW and I don't want to wait until I'm a few years older - women have this phobia about age. But I too have to trust that God is guiding me and working with me and leading me in the path that HE wants me to take - not the one that I think I should be on.

Well, even if this post doesn't help you, it helped me. Staying the course is not easy - so get some like minded friends to help you and support you on the way.

K

Dear FC,

Sorry to disagree with you but, friends with women, LOL, lying, backstabbing, crazy, hormonal, and all that, men are definitly easier. (me being the women, I can say this they are TOOOO MUCHHHHHH. I teach school, all women around, I would take the men anyday. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Goodluck and many prayers. PS, I also work two jobs the other one is in a bar, your right, those women are crazy, look elsewhere. Maybe the zoo, definitely better <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Haha, thank you ladies.

My wife is a teacher. Can't believe it but a 4th grade teacher non-the-less. She teaches at my children's school and thinks that she has everyone, at least all the new teachers, believing that she is an angel, all except those who have known her for the last few years. The ones that she has argued and hated for so many 'odd' reasons. Except for her assistant principal, who is the person that helped her in her affairs. Taking naked pictures of her so she could send to her boyfriend. Covering for her "Girls nights out" and "Girls shopping weekend out". I know that there are bad people in every place and that this is not the norm for teachers at all. I have no feelings to that extent. It just kills me to think that maybe MY BOYS' teacher has this type of moral character.I mean their mother does, so what sort of women do they have in their lives. Makes me wonder, but not worry.

Anyway, as far as friends go. I am sure that for women it may be easier to talk to a guy. But for guys, it seems that there is always that vague feeling of competition, regardless of who it is. And that there is always the undertone of 'machismo" that must be upheld. You can't just say what you feel, you have to say what you feel within certain MALE parameters, otherwise you are less of a man yourself. With women, there is no competition. And they tend to have a different view about things. Often, men see things exactly how you would expect, the very focused, right and wrong type of thing. Whereas a woman can see how the woman involved might be feeling, and get around the "screw her get another" attitude.

Thank you for your time. Just to reiterate. I did not go out to really be out with anyone. I do have a very large church and they have a couple of singles and re-singles get togethers each week. So I know that it is available. But I don't want to go until I am ready to see someone. I guess, I am afraid that I will meet someone before I am ready and either hurt her, or get hurt. I know that I am not ready, and although I agree, I would just like to be with my 'wife' right now, forever and ever, I understand that that will not happen. I would so much like to have a friend however, that I could talk with and go out to dinner with safely. That is all I want right now. A friend. someone that I can tell all my secrets to. Someone that I can help with her feelings. Someone that can give me pointers and that I can stand up for should she get into trouble. I would really like a good friend right now.

Like I SAID, TEACHERS LOL, most of us are so not like that, although, we have one, (must be one in everybunch) Just be careful, IN TIME, I am sure you will find someone to cherish you if you are just patient, which is so hard to be. I KNOW. GOd bless, and church is a great place to start, mine is would be to small. EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYBODY. I don't think that would work. By the way, i love your good things post, great idea.

I would like to tell you I admire the line of thinking you have(Formerly Confused)! But I would also like to tell you not to worry. I can see how going out may make you feel. I've been there too,...only at the time I was a single mother with a boy!

I used to go out with the girls and suddenly feel like everyone else was having a good time except me! I could hear laughs and see smiles, but I only felt the cold. It felt more like a meat market then a social hideout!

I just couldn't see myself with any of those people at the bar. And no matter how many times I got a free drink and phone #, it never changed the fact that I was extremely uncomfortable. It's hard to be in a location such as that with friends, since your "party life" usually covers your childs birthday, report cards, and overall achievements! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I would like to let you know you don't have to be in a rush to know the ins and outs of dating again. There are many counselors and preachers that can give you guidance if you so seek them. But your overall chances are going to be based on your love, caring, and patience. It's something you don't find in a book, or spend the $ to have a counselor tell you. This is a gift you already possess.

Being 31 and been there, I know how you feel. But the real truth is, when you're ready, you will know it. If you're waiting for love to be following a certain path,...you may never be able to find or meet your expectations of the perfect mate!

I would never marry for $, or what a man can offer. The major questions would be -does he love my son, -will I be able to help him and wait for him through all of his hardships, -will he forever be honest and loving? I'm sure there are more that I have not listed,...but these are MY top questions!

I could personally care less about looks in a mate. I believe it's all in the heart and soul. Have you ever closed your eyes for a day and just let your mate re-introduce you to their life? It helps you find the beauty in your surroundings, renews your love, and helps you find out who you really are.

I wish you all the best.
-----------------------------------------------

kleu2000

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Correct???

I would like to believe my family values and single parenting haven't clouded my vision!

Thanks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

kleu2000@hotmail.com <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

FC -

I think that we ALL know how you feel.

And being forced to date again is not fair - however, maybe don't look at it as dating but rather getting to learn and know about different people. Don't immediately envision marriage when you go out but simply nice, polite and a good friend to whomever you are with. Then if you feel something different ok, if not ok.

However, what you describe as a "good friend" sounds really like a "girl friend."

And I have to say that it worries me when I read your post, because on one hand you don't want to be taken advantage of because of your money and looks, but on the other hand you don't want to date and you want to have the familiar relatinship with a woman that you can only have after having dated for a long time - it just sends up huge red flags - to me anyway, because I wouldn't want you to sell yourself short and take the first woman who comes along just because you didn't want to date. You'd be in real trouble then.

Try not to focus so much on the fact that you have to "date" and maybe find some male friends or colleages right now who could later maybe introduce you to someone when you are ready. But definitely being friends with like minded people is key - like minded in values I mean.

I wish you wouldn't worry, but you will. If you concentrate on healing and working on yoruself right now, it will happen. It always does.

Don't give up. K

FC

I know how you feel. Can truly appreciate it all. You feel like a fish outta water. When I recently started venturing out with the gals, I too would find myself saying a few colorful expletives about Austin on the way home for putting me in a situation I never did anything to deserve.

And young frankenstein is so awesome. To get over this dating/breakup/marriage wierd thing, one of my girlfriends bought me Bridget Jones' Diary a few months ago. It is about a thirtysomething singleton. She is same age as me. Gets lied betrayed and cheated on by the man of her dreams and then finds out that the guy she is truly meant for (takes place over the course of a whole year) is someone much closer to her than you think. Plus there is a whole adultery sideline plot with her parents. Her mom leaves her dad for a sales monster on a qvc type channel. Would be a good watch for you and many good quotes.

It is a waste of people like us here. We value our families and valued our M's. We valued our partners. This just shouldn't happen in a perfect world, BUT IT DID. And our world isn't perfect but we can do our best to make it better now.

And I went to the divorce/separation classes at church and made a few girlfriends there. It is fun and a good venue when you join a large ( I am presbyterian and we do things a bit differently) singles' group. As presbyterians, we are a bit more open minded than some denominations and in the past we've ventured out on weekends together to a jazz club, to a line dancin' cowboy spot, and to the theater, etc. We don't just mingle within ourselves. But what is good for me (I have only gone 5 times in the whole year) is the fact they are there for each other and we are actively helping one another feel safe as we step out into the single world again. We have to feel safe there. And in a large group, we can always look to them. If guys would hit on me (and they always do somehow), the guys from the church group would say something nice but make them back down b/c I am not ready yet.

And on Thursday nights, they meet at a sports bar and drink guiness and discuss life. They are some great friends. Son just got dropped off by Austin. I will post and tell you how that went. Needless to say, son is sick and he messed up his underwear on the way home and Austin did not bring extra undies so he had to ride about 45 minutes in that yuck. What a dad.

You will get back your life objective. Have you ever seen the poem called -- M.D. (My Daddy)? My neice and nephew gave it to their dad. You should have one in your office. If I can find a print of it somewhere I will send it to you if I can get your address.

You did good last night. Whatta guy. God will reward us in the end for honoring even a seemingly empty (to them) committment.

One thing at at a time. It will come. It is like going to dinner at a buffet. Where u put so much food on your plate at once, and don't know where to take the first bite, too many to choose from. There is so many emotions that go along with this. And there is going to be good days and bad ones but it does get better. Not all women r out for money. Alot but not all. It is nice to have good friends who can help. I know that it is easier to bear children than to go through the pain of truely loving someone and not having that same love come from the other person. Your feelings do count i will try to help.

Quietstorm

Thank you all. I do appreciate it and I find great comfort in knowing that you understand the craziness in which I find myself.

I am taking it slow and not trying to find a mate. Although I think of it often. I have thought how much I would like to just jump to the future a year or two. How much I would like to just be settled once again. But GIIC, I understand and appreciate your input. I do worry about myself in the regard of grabbing what presents itself because I hate to date. Who knows, maybe I will end up enjoying it after a while. I guess last night just really hit me hard, because it was the first time that the situation really was presented.

I will be careful. I will post often. Let me know if I sound like I am going off the deep end.

Peachy,

I have that poem on my wall as I come in the house. My boys got it for me a year or two ago. Thanks.

K,
Your posts have so much wisdom. You have been split awhile now and haven't fallen into
doing "the man thing".
You truly have strength that alot of people need here-you have your priorities right.
I always get something good about reading your posts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

i understand your feelings on not wanting to date until your completely divorced. whether its because you feel this way because of the morals you hold or spriritually you feel wrong doing it or both it doesnt matter you just dont feel its right for you yet. but quite honestly you sound like your freaking out for nothing really. when you feel the time is right deep down inside and you meet the right woman again it will just click and you will just know it. your over analyzing something that happens when god feels its the right time for it to happen for all of us. he will put someone in your path that is meant for you. pray to him pray hard ask him for what you want and he shall grant it to you. in the mean time their is nothing wrong with going out and having a good time and making friends. enjoy yourself and one day you will be that wonderful husband to someone that deserves you and you will get that back in return. by the way what planet do you come from and do they make more like you that maybe lives near me!!!!! (just kidding kinda)
lizi

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Right now God is preparing someone to be your wife, but maybe she isn't quite ready yet either. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you all. I think that I will be OK. I guess that after last night, I have thought alot about what I want to do. I realize that I was feeling overwhelmed last night by the differences in what I want, and what was available. I guess it is probably good that I went to the bar I went to last night. Because if I had met someone actually somewhat compatible, I could have been in real trouble. Thank you all for your input. I am so glad to have so many minds helping me to see things in different lights. I really need this. I do tend to analyze things alot. I guess that is just me and why I am who I am.

I agree that I was over doing what happened last night. I guess it was just the shock that here I was, feeling like I was 'on the block' so to speak and offers were being presented, but they weren't what I was looking for. And I think, that even though in my heart I was not looking for anyone, I realized today that I think I was 'checking the lay of the land' for the future. I really didn't do it consciously, but when I thought about things today and spoke to some co-workers, they also told me that the area that I went was for the college crowd. I think I felt so out of place because no one was in my 'group'. I think now that it was a VERY good thing that they weren't. Because if a 30 year old tall dark haired woman had approached me last night, I would have been a goner. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I have thought alot about what I need to do. And the first thing is to finish the divorce before I go out like that again. Unless I go back to the same place that is. I think I could actually be 'safe' there since I didn't see one single person that actually interested me. Oh I saw beauties right and left, but none for me. I think that I will push this divorce through, finish up my divorce care classes, and then see how I am feeling.

The above quote is just amazing for me. I have been praying that if God wants me to be with someone that he let her know that I am here for her, and that I will do everything in my power to make our lives wonderful. I hadn't really thought that she may still be in the building stage as well. I guess I thought God would just take her off the shelf and put her on my doorstep.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
Thanks again.

FC -

Ok, good, you're not mad.

After I posted I thought - well - he'll either appreciate it or he won't.

I have gotten outspoken in my old age <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> , but I truly wanted you to know that something just hit me when I read your post and I just had to share it with you.

You really do have a great head on your shoulders - and I'm not just talking about book smarts - you have your priorities in the right order and you seem to be listening to your instincts rather well. You're going to be great!

So just don't try to get to the goal line too fast - just enjoy your days with your boys, enjoy your new job, and just live life, day by day.

I too wish I could fast forward a year - but then I'd miss so much!

God will continue to bless you and walk with you and you will be able to not only pull yourself through this - but your children as well - and you will all ride off happily into the sunset - with a new wife too.

K

Formerly Confused-
Hey, seems as if you're "Freshly Confused" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
OK, I've been there. Like you, I also find women a lot easier to talk to. They are more used to talking openly about emotional issues, and will offer opinion a lot easier than men.

Be aware of one thing though: you cannot have this with a woman you meet at the bar- generally most women in these places are so used to being hit on by sleaze-balls, that they will offer themselves on plate to any half-decent male who presents himself. Women can smell a decent man at 500 yards, BTW. Trouble with this is, it's a kind of desperation that results in dishonesty from them, I've found. They will present the shiniest, bestest side of themselves, and indulge in what is known as mirroring . Since you are currently inexperienced & freshly available, this kind of attention can be flattering to the extent of fooling you completely. To put it in perspective, imagine YOUR EX as one of the women approaching you, since a large proportion of women you meet in bars will be in this category, anyway. Just imagine to yourself that this woman has done EXACTLY what your ex has. This may sound cynical, but it is AMAZING how many times you will be proved CORRECT! It's a JUNGLE out there!

A bar is NOT the place to meet suitable people. If you accept that, you're on your way, pal. Go there for a drink, the vibe, escape the lonelyness, the music, whatever. And if someone hits on you, GREAT! What a great ego-booster! Don't fall for any hard-luck stories or any woman who looks good, though. You may end up with someone who makes Glenn Close (in Fatal Attraction) look like a Sunday Shool teacher. When tempted by someone I find relatively attractive, intelligent, good conversationalist, etc., I always remind myself of the vision of an unwelcome pot of rabbit-stew on the stove(!). And try to remind yourself of the environment your are meeting them in. Exceptions are RARE, OK? You've been warned!

SINGLES BAR= EGO BOOST
CHURCH + PTA + CLUB + SUPERMAKET(!) + HOUSE PARTY= Meet people

Hope this helps
muzohead

You know it. I am deffinitely "Freshly Confused", albeit on a whole different aspect of my life. Haha

Anyway, this whole situation was a blessing in disguise that is for sure. It has allowed me to understand just what I will be facing when I am ready to start entering the world again. I put myself in the position to get a taste of the world before I was ready for it. I really didn't mean to go so unawares, but I am so stupidly gullible and open that when I went, I believed in myself and my heart that I was going only for the companionship of the guys. I did not think about the women until they were RIGHT THERE !!!!

Then all the sudden I switched into observation mode and realized that what I was observing was not what I wanted.

Yes I am newly confused, but that is good. It gives me something to work on. It gives me something to think about and to understand just what I need to work through prior to entering the stream of the world.

It is just that I love women. I think that they are wonderful. I get something out of everyone that I meet in some way. It is like a beautiful flower garden. Each has her own thing to offer, but you have to look through so many before you find that perfect Rose. That one that fits everything that you want. And sometimes you find that even though you were looking for a red rose that the most beautiful and loving rose is yellow. That is the one that you want.

I understand this. I also understand that I am glad that this whole thing occured. VERY GLAD. Because like I said in another post, had the 'Right' Girl come along I would have been lost. I definitely was not expecting what happened and I definitely was in no place to have been turning down someone that fits the picture in my head right now. I have no preconceived notions that I want Ms. Perfect. Of course I do, but I read a post before that meant alot to me about not trying to replace the exact person you lost, but allow a wonderful person to fill the spot and make it her own. That is what I want. Because quite frankly, what I lost was not that impressive, just beautiful and the mother of my children.

Freshly C.

Most of the time I just avoid the whole entire thing..The single's thing, that is. I have better things to do with my son. And you are so right about the mirroring thing. Guys and girls can put on this perfect exterior and think that you have found that gorgeous rose..The perfect flower. But if you reach down to pick it too quickly without assessing it first, you may get a thorn. Monkey woman did not know any of that until she found out, I guess firsthand, about how he has so much below his sparkling surface. It is so strange. We truly want to believe that this new person could be the answer to our adult lonliness. Have found that only friends, and that also includes ones here, and family and God are filling that hole.

And I have gotten a new Fresh perspective on the celibacy issue with me. By my being the charter student at the "CONVENT OF THE BLESSED CELIBATE SISTERHOOD" (lol) I am just waiting until I find the absolute right time. Right with my soul, with all before I emotionally and physically attach myself again. I guess you could say this flower has budded but is waiting until the temperature, the day is just right until it blooms into color.

GIIC--so good to hear from you. K, I think I lost your email? How are you? How are the fogged ones? I haven't heard from you in some time about YOU. How are the kids?

FC--tomorrow I am going to get son's picture made at picture people after church in his halloween costume and I may even pop in the photo if I can get a cute enough halloween shirt to wear.

We are in transition. Morphing so to speak. But ours is a good morph. Last week son and I went to IMAX and watched movie about Australia. There is this frog that can under the most dire conditions, when water is not to be found and famine everywhere, will dig underground and make a membrane in his hole around him to seal in moisture etc. When the rains come, and the weather breaks, and mind you they said this could be for an entire year or two, he will sense the changes and re-emerge when his environment is healthy. I am that frog. I am the princess who is temporarily a frog now underground. Feel like there are many good froggy friends here also.

You will rejoin the world when you are ready. It will still be there. That is what I keep telling myself. It will still be there. There will still be other single people. And unless I choose to go underground for say, a whole decade, that I may still be able to add to my family one day. We do get down. And especially when we see others searching for something meaningful it drives it home.

You have to do as I do and lay it down. Just do it and do your best to quit the why's. Only why's I attempt relates to any interactions directly with me. I know he is lost. I know he is probably really irrational. I know already he is unfaithful and has been for some time. Just the new stuff I am concerned with. Are you in A or B? B helps me with clarity. I see what lies ahead of me more clearly when I am not subjected to seeing or hearing him. Just can't let him get in my head anymore. And it makes you more objective when you do have direct dealings with them. When you are allowed to pull yourself away from a negative situation, you can do and think through things earlier you could never have done because you were too close to a problem.

Am praying for you. You are such a good man on the inside. And it will be so hard for both you and I because the other singles out there will immediately see our exteriors and act on that instead of the inner. But I think none of us here will be fooled by that stuff again. My new mantra is " words without action are tantamount to faith without works". Meaning, others must first prove their worth to us. That shall define which rose you find one day is lacking in the thorn area. Much happiness to you and GIIC today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And in your earlier reply to lizie, I believe just as she does that God is probably helping and sculpting a wonderful woman to be with you just as He is with you now.

If you wW keeps on this path, God will have already created an alternate path for you so you can proceed ahead in life with a clean heart and a refreshed spirit. wW will emerge from fog. We don't know when. But she will. And God is in charge of that timing as well. One of my neighbors told me that if Austin's losing me forever is part of God's plan for God to bring Austin back then so be it. If Austin wakes up and realizes the whole awfulness of what he has done and runs and tries to catch up with me but it is waaay too late, then quite possibly he would reach out to God then. We can't understand His nature, God that is. I just know He is sovreign. I don't question it at all.

My dad died three years ago. Going through all this stuff without him is unbelievable. He was my earthly protector and when he died from heart failure, I questioned God. I was mad. Then all of this was revealed 9 mos. after dad died. I was more than crushed. I was down for the count emotionally speaking. Could just go hours upon end without speaking. Was frozen. But then I saw that God was still there. Stil there but quietly waiting on me to decide to rejoin part of the world he made for me. Then I slowly began to live. It is still slow and very gradual. But I too know God isn't finished building me. I say building instead of rebuilding me, because this new me is better than ever. So much better.

I have to go now but wanted to say that God's finishing the touches on His masterpiece of your life. Just blending the colors so and is getting ready to paint in the face of a lovely woman in the midst of you, your children. It will be such a masterpiece if you don't rush it.