XHubby (still not comfortable with the X factor) came over last night after the kids were asleep with chinese food. We ate and then spent some time talking about where we go from here. Of course his concerns are how can he be sure it won't happen again (another A) and I told him that I cannot guarantee anything- there are no guarantees in life- but that we may need to go on "faith". Faith and time will be the true factors here. It is only going to be through my actions over time that will really build things between us again. I am really glad though that he is agreement that we need to find a good marriage counselor and really do some deep work.

I guess all we have really is today and I am hopeful and happy. For the first time in almost 3 years, he is the only person in my head- and that is a really good place to start. I spent a week in the psyche hospital right after we went to court dealing with the guilt etc..and I am now on some decent medication for my bipolar disorder and that is making me hopeful too.

He stayed and we made love and cuddled a bit before he headed off so as not to make the kids aware he was there.

In the meantime I can only take care of myself and continue to focus in why I have reached out the way I have. I am exercising again, attending a real estate class I really like and am scrapbooking again which is a favorite hobby. It is amazing how much time and energy can go into these "addictive affairs". Once they end- life opens up in a big way.

Letting go and letting God............

candybars,

I think things went very well, from your description. The thing that "ensures" your faithfulness will be to commit your time, energies and fantasies to your xHubby. If you guard against close relationships with men and women, you can really ensure that your exHubby will be the one meeting your emotional needs.

Have a good one! RMA

Candybars:
Hats off to you! As always, I greatly admire WS' who show such COURAGE as you have, at taking a step towards reconciliation.
I'm a sucker for happy endings- looking forward to you providing me with one! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You do of course, realise that you may need individual counselling to deal with addictive behaviour, if necessary. Please do continue with counselling, and don't be put off if the 1st counsellor you try is a total nincompoop. The world is full of them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It is amazing how much time and energy can go into these "addictive affairs". Once they end- life opens up in a big way </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, totally. Keep on truckin'.
Good luck

Muzohead