Qustions for same person as Military Divorce. On what grounds can one ontain an annulment? Some details please. She is 21, married 5 mo. and been staying with relatives the last 7 weeks. Her family is pressuring her not to get a divorce, actually has ordered her not to. She doesn't love the guy and he has just about destroyed her self esteem completly. She didn't want to get married in the first place when the time came, told her mom it was wrong but her mom said she had to because of all the money they spent on the wedding. Her H is very emotionally abusive, has punched holes in the wall, calls her names, has taken her name off the bank accounts and is getting ready to go overseas in Nov or Dec. She would like to get this taken care of so she can feel free to get on with her life.

She is a very sweet person and says she can't go back at all. He is not and Christian...She is.

Thanks for any advice.
Free

On what grounds can one ontain an annulment?
Do you mean a religous (throught he church) annulment or legal (through the state) annulment?

She is a very sweet person and says she can't go back at all. He is not and Christian...She is.
Sort of confused. He is not sweet & he is a Christian? She is a Christian?

Free - depends on where they were married, by whom, and on what grounds. If she doesn't want to stay married, she should have the authority to go to counseling, with or without her H. Look at what he is! If he is abusive (I know what abusive is about), he needs to be in a 12 step program for verbal, emotional, physical abuse. The image of a secular marriage will never be, with this abuse.

If you are a good friend, maybe you two should talk seriously, and then if she would want, maybe the three of you should talk to her mother, after she seeks counseling, or beforehand, to say I am going to counseling mother, for the reasons stated.

Yes, sounds like her mother is a controller, and she has self-esteem lacking because of the control surrounded her as a young girl growing up. She sought for a controlling man, and she has become a whimp (per say). She didn't want to disobey her mother, and fear that her mother would reject her for not marrying this man.

She has many issues to deal with, counseling would be recommended, and you there to support her as a best frined.

Ok first of all, I obviously can't spell today. He is Not Nice nor is he a Christian. She is a Christain. Her first mistake in my book but that's beside the point.

She is looking into getting a legal annulment, but we don't really know the steps or criteria involved. He told her their insurance wont cover her seeing a counselor. She wants to go to work, has a very good offer with insurance benefits, her mother is trying to talk her into coming home and she desperatly wants to take the job and become independent. She does have many issues to overcome due to always being controlled by others. It makes her feel very guilty if she doesn't please everyone. We are working on it, checking out avenues she can take to get control of her own life but she is confused and needs to see a counselor to help her become strong enough to carry it out. I am trying to offer her support without, at the same time, trying to control her situation. I'm just helping her with the leg work on finding out some of her options.
Free

He told her their insurance wont cover her seeing a counselor.
Of course he would say that as he is trying to control the situation. Have her call the insurance company or the HR dept of his company and ask what their benefits are.

He won't even give her the insurance info or her card. He is in the military. We will get to the bottom of it and yes he is a control frek. Never met the guy but I am married to one. Thanks. Gotta go back to work.
Free

Most if not all insurances cover counseling. His way to keep her under his control.

If she took the job that has benefits, would she be able to live on her own? If not, could she find a roommate situtations so she could be independent. It sounds to me that she needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet. She will not be able to do that when she has controlling people around her. You are a good friend to her.

Yes she would be able to survive on the income from this job. She is staying with me right now because she has no income but could easily get her own place in a month. It has full benefits and I think it will be so good for her to not have to depend on her family and the ones trying to run her life. It will also remove some of their power because she won't need them that way. I am really excited for her. She has an interview in the morning but I happen to know she will most likely get the job. All she has to do is show up for the interview and accept the job when it's offered. Then I hope she will just do it to get on her feet and get stronger. It really was a blessing for her the way it is working out. Thanks for the nice words about me too!
Free

As long as they are still married (it does NOT matter if they are separated or not) she has full medical coverage with the military. He CANNOT take away any of her benefits. And she will keep all of them until a divorce is final (not simply filed).

As long as she has his social security number, she can call the base hospital/clinic & find out waht her benefits as far as counseling are.

In regards to the insurance card...

There is no insurance card in the conventional sense. Her Military ID card is her insurance card. As long as she has that she can get medical attention in a civilian manner or on a military base.

committed

P.S. There is a very good chance that if she seek counseling on base that it will get back to him in a very negative way. His commanding officer could be notified of the way he is treating her and he would never want that. That might be why he is telling her that insurance won't cover it. But she can get it free on base.

<small>[ October 08, 2002, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

Hi all,
I have been tooooo busy lately and not responding. Thank you all for the input.

She GOT THE JOB and will be starting on the 26th.I am really happy for her because now she will have more control over her life.
Thanks again for the info. It is greatly appreciated.
Free