I'm so angry with ex right now I could SCREAM! I found out from D today that her mother let herself in MY home, took herself on a tour throughout the house (being completely nosey) and let herself out. I know this because there was a contractor doing work in my home today and he is a friend of mine (post divorce) He (contractor) told D when she got home from school that her mom was there supposedly "looking" for her.

I plan on calling the ex and letting her know that the next time she pulls a stunt like that one, I'll call the cops and tell them she broke into my home without my permission. Perhaps a restraining order? I think I'm overreacting...

What would you do? Any suggestions on what I should say to the ex when I talk to her?

Ice

Have you thought of changing the locks?

2long,

I just installed brand new front door complete with new lock sets. The front door was left in the unlocked position by the contractors working in the house. I guess if they were locked she would have knocked or rung the door bell. But they were opened and she obviously didn't think it was any big deal to let herself in MY HOUSE!

Sorry, still grumpy about this!

Ice

Okay, now I understand how it happened this time. I do that occasionally, myself.

Has she done this before? Have you told her not 2 go in the house when you're not home? If you haven't, then by all means do. If you have, then maybe telling her you'll call the cops or get a restraining order would be appropriate. Is she dangerous 2 you or your daughter?

all my best,

Welp Iceman, I'd say you need to communicate directly to your ex that entering your home, whether locked or unlocked, is not allowed.

I'd try and wait at least a day before talking or emailing her this bit of news tho. That'll give you time to get over the reaction of it.

I'm sure if the tables were turned Iceman, she'd be livid to know you sauntered through HER HOME uninvited and UN-supervised. But that's different, huh. <N O T >

JMVHO,
Jo

Iceman,
My ex's WIFE walked into my house.I had my lawyer make the phone call. It hasn't happened since.

Dear Iceman,

Maybe you should cut your ex some slack. My h left this summer. I would love to go to his place and just smell his aftershave, just touch his clothes or the pillow where he sleeps. I miss everything about him even his clothes. Plus your D doesn't need this stress in her life. Sometimes I just drive by and get comfort just from seeing his car. Give your heart time for kindness to take over before you ask her about this.

Hey, thanks for the replies. I did speak to the ex last night when I dropped my daughter off. She met me in the driveway and I told her under no circumstances should she ever enter my home again without my being present. She can call my D in advance and meet her at the front door. I also spoke with my D and explained to her that I don't want her mom in my home anymore than her mom wants me in her home. D is 19 years old and is an adult. Surely old enough to understand this.

As a note to luv-my-hubby - we have been divorced for quite a few years. This is not my ex-w's home. I believe she was snooping to see all the home improvements I've made and saw her opportunity and seized the moment while I was at work. I'm not being callous. I just want my privacy in my own home respected.

Iceman -
You did the right thing. Right after we seperated I asked for the house keys. I also changed the code on the garage so that he couldn't get in that way. I told the kids (15 and 19) what I had done and why.

EXH got very upset one afternoon when S wasn't home and he couldn't get into the house. Tried to tell me that he was paying 1/2 of the Mortgage still so he should be allowed in. My response to him was I will give you back your house key but I want a key to your apartment. Of course we all know what the answer was to that. I told him that was for my privacy and I would hope that he would respect it.

Never thought about changing the code on the garage door opener. Now that I think about it, that's something I should do, and an easy fix.

I'm also installing a security alarm system next week (this was always part of my remodeling plans, just makes even more sense now) If there is a next time, the monitoring company will notify the police.

I believe I'd be chewing a bit of Contractor's fannie for that one!
Suppose it had been a burgler trying to get in...
Harold

Update: ex called last night and said that she had re-thought my request about her not coming in my home without my being present. She told me that if my D is home and D allows her to come inside then she'll continue to come in my home. Can she really get away with that thought? How is one ever to get any sort of privacy if ex feels this way?

Iceman:

How old is your D? Could you have a convo with her and lay some ground rules about this? At least ask her 2 stay in the front room or something (if the weather's bad, for example)?

But you should be able 2 lay some ground rules with your ex that she can respect. If you don't want her in your house, she shouldn't go in your house. That simple.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Iceman:
<strong>Update: ex called last night and said that she had re-thought my request about her not coming in my home without my being present. She told me that if my D is home and D allows her to come inside then she'll continue to come in my home. Can she really get away with that thought? How is one ever to get any sort of privacy if ex feels this way?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Iceman I agree with ezra about you contacting an attorney to contact her and also to look into the possibility of getting a restraining order to prevent her from going inside your home.

You also need to get tough with your 19 year old D and tell her that if you ever catch her inviting her mom into your home, that she's going to have to go live somewhere else. She needs to know that there will be consequences to her actions and that she is going to have to pay the price for said actions. Tell her it's a lesson in adulthood she needs to learn.

<small>[ October 16, 2002, 02:54 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>