Again, here I sit waiting for the children to arrive from Exs house -

It's already 45 minutes past when they were expected and counting.

Ex knows that dinner at my house is at 6:30pm and to call if there is a problem.

I have finally severed practically all communication with the man - except he can leave messages at my house. While this has made my life incredibly easier to live, he continues to buck the system.

And yes, our attorneys are meeting with the judge this week, so this little incident will be reported.

But it's so FRUSTRATING, and TOTALLY UNFAIR to the children. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

They are already unhappy about being yoyos in this game of divorce.

So, another 18 years or longer of this........

I can get over him leaving the marriage - but not just to torture me for the rest of my life!

Why can't Exs just run off into the sunset with their OPs and never be heard from again?

K

<small>[ October 07, 2002, 10:00 PM: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</small>

God is in Control,

I wish I had the answer to your question but all I know is to give it to God and pray for His intervention. You will be in my prayers.

God Bless,

D.

PS I am away & WH is staying at the house (not planned) & trying to play "Dad" but it's not working. WH & OS got into it & OS now has a black eye !!!!

I have WH's truck while I am away & pulled out a CD : "BEYOND REALITY" BY THE MYSTIC WARRIERS That tells you where he is - dancing with the Devil.

Thanks WGTT -

Children call at 7:30pm - "Mom when are you going to pick us up?"

Typical.

Next Ex calls at 8pm asking me when I'm arriving.

I'm not. Baby is asleep and I'm not waking her up.

Ex is now in a bind because he has no one to take kids to school in AM.

He's now yelling into my answering machine.

What a life.............

K

K...Read my next topic. I still wonder the same..They made their bed. Now the think that the mattress is too rocky for their tastes.

God did not, nor does he ever make Ex's. He hates divorce and I believe that even though Jesus stated that divorce can be had after infidelity, that the hopeful path is for reconciliation. Now for those of us for whom there is no real hope for reconciliation, I believe that our fate is to learn to live in our world in which our Wayward Spouses co-exist within our bond of our children. That is simply the way that it is. And I have been trying to live that way for the last two months or so.

I understand that there is no hope for reconciliation, nor do I desire it at this time. I used to long for it, before I recognized just who my wife really is. Until I recognized that even with a perfect me, which is absolutely impossible, I would be continuing to live with a woman who refuses to accept her part of our difficulties and work on herself for the good of our family. That is when I realized that the only control over our relationship that I had was to work my hardest to not make waves and try to part on the best terms that we could.

It is not easy dealing with spouses for whom you have no respect for what so ever. It is hard to allow your children to be influenced by someone who so blatantly disregarded the values, dedication, committment, and love of their family for the sake of their own desires.

No, God doesn't make Ex's, all of us do. I know that you know this, so don't think that I take you at face value for your statement, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . What I mean is that I too, have thought about how much easier it would all be if she just no longer existed in my life. If she would just move off and leave me with my boys. Allow me to raise them completely. But I also realize that this is not the case and that I must accept, if not agree with, many things about how she deals with our children as well. I wish that she could just see that as well.

We must accept this truth, although within certain parameters, we must be flexible in what we can offer our children. That although I believe that I am the better parent for our children, I also think that she believes that she is. We both believe that we each need to influence our boys, but we disagree on how sometimes.

Try to help yourself by letting some things go. I know how hard it is, but I have found that what little input I had with my wife's behavior while we were married has even less impact now that we are parting. I also feel that I no longer have to take her desires into such tremendous consideration when dealing with our children at my house. I always have had higher standards than she has in all aspects of our children and their behavior, therefore, she knows that if anything I will be TOO on top of things and maybe not allow enough freedom.

I need to discuss this topic further on my own thread. I am not trying to hijack the post.

What I am saying is this. Although you may be completely in the right, pick your battles carefully. Approach them as benignly as possible. Do not attack, because an attack will cause nothing more than defense and a counter attack. Nothing will be accomplished, because he will hear nothing you say, because he will be formulating a retaliatory strike while you are talking rather than listening to what you are trying to say. And although you might feel momentarily better, nothing will have been accomplished other than momentary release.

Take care and stay strong GIIC. We have to make our way through this mess, with new turns at every day and each encounter. These I hope, will deminish in severity and frequency as things even out. We are here, and understand in our own way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God did not, nor does he ever make Ex's. He hates divorce and I believe that even though Jesus stated that divorce can be had after infidelity, that the hopeful path is for reconciliation. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You guys knew I would have to say "amen" at that statement. But it is only if things and attitudes change that made the marriage bad.

Love in Christ
cajunky

I have to agree with FC. God didn't create Ex's . We all did.

War hurts...it doesn't matter who started the war.
Divorce hurts the children most of all. Life is not fair but we can do our best to protect our children. Sometimes winning is losing. Sometimes when we believe we have won a battle we actually lost the war.Sometimes we must lose the battle in order to win.

We were called to be peace makers.

gentle

<small>[ October 07, 2002, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Formerlyconfused,
You said it well.
My ex used to try to control me and push my buttons. He was never on time dropping kids off. I just learned to blow it off and now it doesn't bother me.
It kind of made him made at first when he realized that I really did not care what he did. I allow him to lead his life and try my best to be unaffected for the childrens' sake.
Divorce is hard enough on kids w/o anger between the parents.
I found that bitterness took too much time to allow the ex and his power-plays to influence my mood.
I am fortunate that I have not had to worry about the child support. Its always come and is decent compared to alot of others that I know.
I am fortunate that they have a father who continues to be a part of their life. According to psycologists,boys espescially need a father.
I am fortunate that his side of the family is extremely wealthy and my children enjoy vacations that I can not provide them with. They aren't too spoiled though-because they come home when its over.
GodIsInControl,
I know sometimes its so easy to let the ex rob you of peace and happiness. Just try(easier said than done-I know) to concentrate on things to be grateful for . Like atleast your ex is not a child molester, or a drug attict, and you recieve child support(You do don't you? Don't mean to make any assumptions. Maybe you work 3 jobs and don't receive a dime from him) What really floors my kids is when I defend my ex. I think that they see me as the bigger person here, because I try my best not to get caught up at all in the ex's petty mind games.
In time these things probably won't affect you as much. It all takes time . Cheer up! Atleast you don't have to do his laundry anymore!

Thanks everyone........ sigh.........

I do know that God didn't really make Exs - it was more like - this is why we shouldn't have Exs.

Ex did eventually bring the kids home - right before bed.

And I didn't yell or scream or fuss. I'm just learning to role with the punches so to speak, but it's terrible what is happening to the kids.

And the bad thing about it is that Ex's response to the while thing is - I'm not doing anything wrong to the kids..........

Hopefully through time, and a very detailed custody decree we'll have things straightned out.

Thanks again for the thoughts. K

GIIC,

Just wanted to tell you that I'm with you on this one! I'd love <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> to see the WS move off the face of this earth with their OW. To a REALLY, REALLY HOT PLACE. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I think everyone here has said a lot of good stuff. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Haha, GIIC,

I see you have changed the post title. I know that you weren't serious about your statement. It just was a time and place in which to remind myself that this is a creation of man, not of God. I find that in posting to others, I am really posting to myself very often. I think that is why my posts tend to be so long. I just require so much more pounding on the head to get anything through, that I assume that others need it as well.

Have a good day. Take care of yourself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Formerly Confused:
[QB]God did not, nor does he ever make Ex's. He hates divorce and I believe that even though Jesus stated that divorce can be had after infidelity, that the hopeful path is for reconciliation[QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not to get picky, but was Moses the one who said divorce after adultery is okay. Jesus said it was adultery if you got remarried UNLESS you divorced for her infidelity. He still does not "okay" divorce.
Matthew 19: 7-9
"7 They said to him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" 8 He said to them, "For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery."

I just have to say hang in there K. Live your life and let his actions roll off of you as much as possible.

My x is in jail right now for a DWI offense and I have to say it has been nice. Yes the kids miss him, but not as much as I would hope they would miss me if I was away for a month. He calls every other day or so. What is so nice is that I can make our own schedule. I don't have to worry about him or his demands. The kids don't have the stress of missing out on this or that because they are at Dad's and he won't let them go. They aren't rushed home from his house only to fall into bed on school nights, I could go on and on. Of course the kids aren't real talkative with him because their lives are going on so I get handed the phone only to fill him in on what he is missing. Of course he is in total denial of his actions and once again the victim in all of this.

I know that God hates divorce, but I have to say in my case he really did me a favor.

Take care and God bless!

K

WHY GOD MADE EX'S
-so when your children are disrespectful and make you crazy, you know that they had to have inheirited this behavior from SOMEONE ELSE! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />