I have a question about the wedding rings. My wife stopped wearing hers about 2 months before separating. That is how fast I catch on.....one of the signals I was suppose to see.

Anyway, I put our rings together and told her I would not wear mine until she felt I was worthy, but it would be with hers and kept in my heart until that day. We'll she really didn't care, because she was already planning "the escape". Now we are seaprated and she filed. All my stuff is boxed. Haven't picked up yet. She hasn't asked me to. Wedding pics are off the walls. She couldn't wait. I have both rings. I put mine back on to give me hope. I wore it for a couple of weeks but felt "funny". I now keep it in safe. Was going to throw them in the river, or put them on the RR tracks, or sell them. Instead, I still have hope. As little as it is it is some sliver of hope that somehow God will bring her back to me or vice versa. For now I took her ring to be polished and I keep it in my pocket. I have it in my hand when I pray in the chapel and I kiss it before I pray and go to bed at night.

Am I weird? Is this normal? I haven't seen her or spoken to her in 5 weeks. Lawyers are throwing petitions around. Boy, I hate it. I sure wish I had done the things I needed to do before it got to this. My 2 1/2 year old daughter is in the middle. She cries and is always asking when I'm coming home. I have repented and forgiven her for my behavior, but she hasn't forgiven me and has built a fortress around her heart. Her heart is hard and she is harboring such anger. I think she will explode. Of course she blames me for everything and she doesn't need any individual counseling. I have been going for 6 weeks now and am feeling better. If only she'd give it a chance. She's worried people are going to try and get her to change her mind. I wish she would do joint counseling down the road. I pray each and every day.

Sorry to get long winded. Any good ring stories out there?

I made my wife an anniversary ring for our 10th last year. I spent over 130 hours paying for the materials and making the damn thing. I designed it, carved it, and had it cast because it was in platinum and very hard to set emeralds into safely. Anyway, I put everything I had into that ring. It was the absolute best of everything. Not just the diamonds and emeralds being flawless, but it took 12 ring blanks for me to get the carving perfect. I made a twist on the palm side of the band for the twist that I had been in her life. She accepted it and showed it off, and then wore it within 4 months to go screw her 27 year old internet lover over Thanksgiving. Then she wore it but took off her wedding ring when she would go to the bars locally. Just a bauble for her finger, nothing more.

So when she wanted out, she left it on the sink. I took it and wore it around my neck for a while. then I found out she was unfaithful again, and I took it off along with my wedding ring and threw it in a drawer. I don't know what I am going to do with it. There have never been more tainted flawless diamonds in all the world. I thought about tearing it down and making something else, but I realized that I couldn't give anything made of it to anyone I cared for.

I have thought about throwing it in the river as well. I have thought about donating it to a food bank. I have also thought about selling it and buying myself a VERY expensive watch. Like an Audemars Piguet or something. Something that I would NEVER buy myself because it is just too outlandish. But it still sits in the drawer at this time. My $114 dollar band that I loved so much, and her $$$$$ piece of meaningless crap. I have no idea what she has done with her wedding ring. Probably hocked it for a piece of cheesecake.

Aman,

When my husband first left I took my ring off.I now were my ring all the time. It keeps men from asking me out. I believe it shows my husband the commit I have to our marriage. We are not divorced He filed over two years ago and still hasn't gone thru with the divorce. he would have to file again.

I go to several marriage restoration sites. One of them was started by a lady that had divorced her husband because of OW. Later, God lead her to trust Him to restore their marriage. She told her husband she was wrong to divorce him.She told him that she was waited for God to restore their marriage. He said no way .He had his ring melted and mailed it to her showing there was no way he was coming back. Two years later they remarried and she wears the melted ring as a necklace to show others what God did for her and her marriage.

gentle

Hey, aman.

No, you are definitely not weird. I think if you feel you need to wear your ring, you should. I also think it is so sweet that you carry your wife's ring. A true symbol of hope.

I lost my diamond and my wedding band during my A. OM found my diamond once--he was so mad! (Yes, OM--not H!) When I confessed, I didn't have either. It's a long story so I'll leave out all the extra stuff and just say we were in a mall the next day and I started crying that I felt I needed to wear a wedding band. (I don't think most BSs would be this generous this quick!) I asked H for a little $6 ring I saw in a teen store. He marched me right to the jewellers (funny how there just happened to be one there!) and bought me my own gold wedding band. (The original was given to me by a friend who didn't get married the first round and wanted to give his new lady a new ring--more long story stuff.)

Then this Christmas, H surprised me with the exact same diamond he bought me in 1982 when he proposed!!! And he made me laugh because he told me how much cheaper the ring was this time around! I won the most romantic gift contest with the ladies at work with this story!

Keep on hanging on to hope. It can't hurt. Sure hope things get better for you.

Thanks,
At least I don't think I'm weird. I wish my wife knew some of the things I'm doing to change myself. I just wish she knew how much I care. She doesn't want to go back to our marriage because I neglected her and she was lonely. I understand now. It took something drastic for me to see the light. Now that I do she wants to leave. Wow, I don't get it. I wish she could forgive me before it's too late and we can't save the marriage. I feel like writing her a long letter.....pouring my heart out, but she would think I'm "manipulating" her or "obbssessing" over her.
I've been a real [censored] this last year and a half. She is the greatest woman I have evr known and I stepped all over her! Why, I'll never know. She's one in a million and will make the next guy the luckiest guy in the world. Weird, one minute we are friends and the next we don't talk or see each other. Now I'm losing her evryday.......I hope the fog lifts and she can see the effort I'm making to be the husband she can be "in love" with. There is a way to comeback only better. Build a new relationship from the old. I pray my priest can help. He and his Boss are the only hope I have right now.

I took my wedding ring to the jeweler where we bought it and had him make it into a cross that I can wear around my neck...FormerlyConfused, I think that you deserve a medal for doing all that work on a ring for your wife, and that she desreves a kick in the backside....hope you would not have to make the medal, though....and Formerly, I vote for a Vacherone and Constantine or a Cress Arrow....GIIC....if you see this, thanks again....GIIC helped me tonight.....
c++

I have mine on my key ring. I did it for two reasons. The first reason is that I always want my wife close to me and this is the only way that I can do that. The second reason is, if I ever have a thought of doing something that goes against my recovery from my Sexual addiction I look at the ring like I should have pre-recovery and it reminds me that I love my wife and I will not go back to the life that caused my wife so much pain.

When I get out of the car and carry my keys I hold the ring. I pray with it too. I pray one day our rings will be on our hands again and then I will be holding the thing that means the most to me and praying with her.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ October 09, 2002, 01:30 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

gentle,

Could you please give me the addresses of those marriage restoration sites you talked about. I'd really appreciate that. thanks.

www.rejoiceministries.org

http://www.lornematthews.com/marriagerest.htm

<small>[ October 09, 2002, 01:24 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

Rejoice Ministry is were the ring story came from.
Cajunkygave you that web site.

www.restorem.org

www.marriagehealing.org

There is a few more I will send later because I need to go now.

gentle

Al, please don't beat yourself up. It is great that you have taken the worst of the pain and learned things that will help you in all of your relationships.

Don't give up on The Boss as you refer to Him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Miracles happen every day.

Know what? I think it might be good for you to write the letter to your W. Maybe if you let her see into your heart, she will remember why she chose you from the start. (Hmmm...I feel a poem coming on! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Write it and then decide if it's too obsessive in your opinion. If you think so, edit it a little more and go from there. It doesn't sound like it's entirely too late just yet.

Hope it goes well. It's just a thought...at least, you might feel better getting in touch with your own feelings but hopefully it will gain better results ultimately.

Aman - Actually awhile ago there was a thread like this and the lady I forget who took her wedding ring and melted it down into a screw and she wore it around her neck and that just cracked me up - because wow can I relate - but anyways - I got divorced on 9/18 - I took my husbands wedding band - of course he hasn't worn it in like oh 10 years - we were married 15 - and I put it with my wedding ring -(a diamond band) and my engagment ring - I am going to keep them together with my wedding album - to give to my daughters because you know what - even though their father ended our marriage we are still their parents and I just figured I would rather them have them - they can decide what to do with them - maybe they will just always keep them - who knows - but if by some miracle of god we actually got back together I would want something new to start a new beginning .... Just my thoughts. - though the screw still brings a smile to my face....

Sorry I don't know where I got Aman from - AlanArthur - ...

Thanks,
I like the screw story!

Freshstart, would you be willing to read my letter when I write one and tell me if it sounds too obssessive, needy or manipulating. I need someone impartial that would maybe be able to put themselves in my wifes position and see if it says the things it should.
Alan

Here is potential letter edited and revised a dozen times now.........what do ya think.....too much?

As each day comes and goes I think of the happy couple we once were. I feel we were living individual lives within our marriage. The time away has given me time to think and reflect on our past together and how I can work at making our future better. I now realize I have treated you and everyone that I love or is important in my life terrible. I have stepped back and realized that yes, you have tried in our marriage. I was just so selfish and stubborn I didn&#8217;t realize this. I did not see what I was doing to you and us. It took a drastic situation as this to make me realize certain things. How could I have been so foolish? I am married to the most wonderful and beautiful woman a man could ever hope for. I know I have caused you severe pain. More pain than I will ever know. If I could absorb that pain God knows I would. I am asking for your forgiveness. Now that I know what I have done in this relationship and failed to resolve, I am asking for the opportunity to do it now. I promise you I will work hard not to revert back to the Alan you&#8217;ve known the last year and a half, but the loving, caring and compassionate Alan you fell in love with, who will treat you with the utmost respect and dignity you deserve. I would like an opportunity to prove my love to you and our family. I pray that you might consider giving me this gift.

Al,

I am sorry I guess I started the Aman. When I post and go scroll down to read the original post it shows Aman ??? Beats me.

Natasha,

The following sites are also very good. They have several prayers.

www.sandymall.com/tkgm/MENUPRAYER.htm
www.geocities.com/Heartland/Grove/4160/index.html
gentle

<small>[ October 10, 2002, 12:58 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

What you did and are doing is very noble - at least you have the right heart about this whole mess.
What I did was not so noble - 3 days after I walked out, knowing we were getting divorced for sure - I visited the local Pawn Shop and sold my ring. Ha! The only reason I got to keep it was because I was wearing it at the time - my ex took every fricking thing we had at the time and insisted it was HERS now... Whatever, I felt like a load had been lifted off my back when I walked out of that shop with the few dollars they gave me for it...
My ex hit the ceiling when she asked me why I wasn't wearing it anymore. Whatever, I felt justified when I told her that I was sorry I hadn't sold it the day I walked out...
Live well, it really is the best revenge...
Harold

This is simple....sell the ring...buy the watch....ditch the wife...opps...sorry not very MB ish of me.

Good luck to you..

Randy

Thanks for your comments Randy, but I'd prefer to work on my marriage. Also, what is anyone's opinion on : If we do reconcile, should we keep the same rings or will they be a reminder of our current relationship? Should I buy new rings for new promises? Also, she is catholic. At the time we did not get married in the catholic church. If we reconcile should we immediately get re-married in catholic chiurch. Not only is she catholic but so are all her relation.

Al, sorry I missed your request to me to read your letter and yet I think I read your letter in another forum and replied there--did I?

I loved the letter and think it's awesome.

My opinion is that if you kept the old rings if reconciliation happens, it would be symbolic of the journey of love that overcomes any obstacle.

However, if and when that happy day comes, go with whatever your W wants. If it helps her to feel good about starting over, get new rings.

You could renew your vows anywhere. Again totally up to you guys.

Wouldn't it be awesome for this dream to come true for you? Many here are the "praying sort".

I always admire the spouse who remains faithful despite the separation. Keep up the great work.