Thanks Freshstart,
Yes you did already give me input. My counselor says to write down all the "issues" my wife has about me. Acknowledge them on paper. Ask for her forgiveness on each issue and tell her I want to try to be a better husband and honor my commitment.

Of course I can't mail it (restraining order). I thought maybe I'd give to priest? There are so many things I want to say, but don't want to sound needy. I just wonder when do I give it to her? Is it to early now (sept. 5 weeks) or wait awhile longer? Timing is everything.

If there is a restraining order you need to respect that--it's part of rebuilding trust and maybe it would help you to accept it as a buffer zone for your own recovery.

It is really hard to be cut off but if your W needs that kind of space to heal, and the law is involved, you have to accept it. I know that must not be easy.

Maybe giving it to your priest is OK. Just know that he can't share it with your W because he would be considered an accomplice in breaking the restraining order. What is shared between you and him is confidential.

Did you say you are getting therapy? Try reading up on good books or finding healthy diversions to get you through the days.

I have to go soon for tonight. Take care.

I have read alot of helpful books these last 5 weeks. I am trying to follow the rules. I am hoping if wife eventually wants to to go to the Smalley's Relationship Center in Branson, Mo in December. They say we can get in now. It is a 4 day "Intensive" for couples like us......you don't even have to have hope...they have a 95% success rate.

She is a catholic and trusts the priest. By then she may have calmed down. If he lets her read it and asks for it back I think things will be fine. I'm hoping she'll drop that thing (or he can so he can see us together) that's his goal anyway.

I am now seeing a great counselor(1st visit other day) It is a woman and she is PRO-MARRIAGE and wants to work at saving ours. She saw me and my wife a year ago, but I was foolish and didn't give her a chance (1st time counseling) I felt uncomfortable telling someone else our problems.....as you can tell...not now. It took something drastic to wake me up.

I agree I have to respect her boundaries. She may see this as change. It will also give her time to realize I'm gone so maybe she can reflect and mourn. I guess she needs to know I'm not holding my life for her and CAN get on without her....maybe then she'll see I'm doing what she has wanted me to do. I read that alot of women WANT to reconcile, but not all do because they are afraid the changes wont be permanant and they dont want to be hurt again. Makes sense.

My counselor says she is living in the past and present and cannot see the future. She feels she has tried and I have to acknowledge that and respect her for that and let her know that now I'd like a chance to try. Good advise. Plus the Zoloft I'm on is working good. I realize now that my wife does not hate me---the anger is coming from hurt. She can't see that our marriage can be healed and better than it ever was.

Formerly Confused

I'm so sorry to hear how your work of love went unappreciated. I use to make jewelry so I could see you doing it. If you don't sell it to get something wonderful for yourself, why not save it for your children? It will mean something to them.