First, let me remind you I have a no contact order against my stbx, so discussion of anything between us is out.....not that it would do any good.
Secondly, the order clearly states that stbx is to follow the visitation order, and not to contact the children in any way outside of those times. He breaks this one repeatedly by calling, showing up at school, etc. I try not to over react and be understanding that he wants to be involved with his children; although I suspect he is really just trying to see what he can get away with and how far he can push me, since that's how he was when we were together.
My question: the kids told me he said he would pick them all up early from school on Thursday to celebrate younger son's birthday. His visits are actually to start after school gets out, and since they are all struggling with school I hate to see them miss any. Should I just let this go? Should I do anything about it? If so, what? Call my lawyer? the school? I am mostly afraid that he will continue to break the rules until they don't even matter any more, yet I don't want to be a jerk....at what point do I become a doormat? Help!

You will not be a doormat....you perhaps wanted for this to turn around. I know I always have hope (and still do) even though time and time again time only proves to me that he will NEVER change. I too have a restraining order. When the restraining order wasn't enough, they added a mutual no-contact order. I record telephone conversations that are necessary (kids) and keep all other kid-communication to email.

Take a copy of the court order to the school. Sit down and talk to the principal. Let the staff KNOW that he is not to pick them up early. They will have the obligation of calling the police and having the police *explain* to him the finer points of the court order. Either that or let it go....however if you do *let it go*, when you really need the police there and involved, they will not respond because *she didn't call us before and let him.....*

The hardest thing to take is knowing you have a piece of paper out there instructing someone else on how to behave (now...*normal* people can *behave* without that piece of paper...and some will NOT do what's ordered even if you DO have a piece of paper). Looking back over the past three years and well over 30 court appearances, my advice to you is to have all your ducks in a row. Contact the school -- get them a certified copy of the order. Sit the kids down and explain to them that he is NOT allowed to take them out of school early (and the particulars of the order). Stick to it NOW. When enough time passes, the ex's do learn, whether it be by continued court action or the police arresting them.

Sorry so long...but I just had to respond. Good luck.

Annavon - since your kids are struggling, first I would talk to the counselor at school. Express your concern for the kids educational status. Then discuss the divorce, and visitation. Let the counselor know that it is not the visitation that you are concerned about, it is the time out of school and their grades. I think it will be handled properly there. To engage the lawyer in this will probably piss him off, but if the educator of the school steps in (which will probably include the principal) I feel there will be no problem with him waiting till school is out. He will most likely have to come back later. All depends on the counselor and principal. If they say they can do nothing, then I would intervene with the lawyer.

A controller needs to have boundaries, just like a child needs to have boundaries. Yes, he is seeing how far he can go, he will do this to see how far you will go. Yes, you could call this being a somewhat of a doormat. Place the rules now, don't let him control you. Your children are the ones who are suffering, let the school and lawyer know that the kids are you #1 concern.

Good luck!

Annavon,

If the court order specifically states that he is to pick up the children AFTER school hours and he is not complying with the COURT ORDER, then he is in contempt.

The wording has to be specific.

Have your attorney send him a letter stating that by picking up the children before school ends that he is acting in a way that is not in the best interests of the child. By not following the order, he is in contempt. If this behavior continues, then you will file for contempt.

Then do it.

Do not let him push his boundaries.