OK guys, time for a new survey. Many of us, myself included, spend much of our time here venting about what our spouses, ex's or STBX's have done and are doing to hurt us. Let's try to put aside the anger and the pain for a moment and ask ourselves a simple question: What do we like about this person? What do we miss about them? What is it about them that still brings a smile (even if in secret) to our faces?

It could be anything - or everything. Something physical, emotional, spiritual - anything and everything goes. No list is too long or too short.

Since I started this, I'll go first.

What do I love / miss about my ExW?

Her smile
Her voice (I have always thought she has the sexiest voice in the world!)
The way that voice softens when she talks to me.
Her two very faint birthmarks (and I'm not telling where!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Her eyes.
Her undying love for our children.
That she believed in me when no one else did - not even myself.
Her "wild woman" hairdo when she first wakes up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
The spirited philisophical debates we used to have (God, do I miss those!)
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> If you can't guess this one, I'm not going to spell it out for you!
Her scent.
Her taste.
Her seemingly endless need to protect me (even when it drives me crazy).
Her ability to recite a quote from a movie to cover almost any situation.
Watching her grow into her own person a little more every day.
Her ability to find absolute joy in the "little things", without worrying about what people will think.
Her kiss.
Her endless capacity for forgiveness (even for those of us who don't deserve it).

OK, I think I've embarrassed myself enough for now! It's your turn - forget the negative for a moment, and ask yourself what is positive about this person? Who knows, you may find it cathartic, theraputic, eye-opening, enlightening or just plain amusing!

Looking forward to seeing your responses,

Has

(I originally posted this survey on another BBS - if you're interested in what they had to say over there, here's a link to the original! )

<small>[ October 09, 2002, 10:39 AM: Message edited by: Hasatude ]</small>

Many things I did not realize until she was gone:
Her laugh
her smile
Her kidness
Her caring
Her touch
Her beautiful eyes
Her smell
Her freckles
Giving her massages
Her kiss
Her tender heart
Being there when I needed her

It's weird but now I even miss our arguing and her nagging <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I guess I miss about everything about her. I hope she misses some things about me someday.

Judy, if you are ever on here......I miss you very much. I'm sorry about everything and I love you very much.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Oh how I can so relate to everything you said. I feel the very same way about my husband. He just moved out this last weekend after I found out he was having an affair with a woman at his job. I was so devestated. My life seems over as I knew it. I do miss his smeel, smile, attitudes, laugh, hugs, UUUGGGGG! Just looking at him brings a smile to my face. I misshearing the cute nicknames he has for me. Just being near him... Just wanted to let you know I can relate with everyone of the things you mentioned.

OK, all bad things asside:

I miss her eyes.
I miss her smell.
I miss her laughter.
I miss her calling me "daddy bear around the kids"
I miss her paging me with little things.
I miss her smile.
I miss watching her walk away from me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I miss her meals.
I miss going out to dinner with her and her always ordering the same thing.
I miss her kisses as she wakes me up after her shower.
I miss waking her up out of the chair to go to bed.
I miss holding her hand in the car.
I miss hearing her jokes.
I miss hearing her voice.
I miss buying her clothes that look so good on.
I miss kicking her shoes out of the middle of the floor.
I miss hearing her complain about her day at school, then just holding her and kissing her.
I miss my wife very much. But not the person who is inhabiting her body and mind now.

<small>[ October 09, 2002, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Okay, I'll bite,

I miss his beautiful blue eyes
I miss how excited he gets when he has found something he likes (a good movie, song, expression, person, etc....)
I miss his wit
I miss watching him coach soccer and supporting him from the sidelines
I miss his compliments
I miss his grilled vegetables (his specialty)
I even miss ESPN (but I am sure that would get old real soon)
I miss his family
I miss spending time at the beach with him
I miss cuddling in "my spot"
I miss going to dinner with him (especially sushi)
I miss being a couple
I miss his smile
I miss the smell of his cologne
I miss the man who was so devestated when I left the country for six weeks to study in Scotland (before marriage)
I miss the letters he wrote to me

I miss the life we once had....................

What I love most about my husband;

He is very forgiving, doesn't hold a grudge
He works hard to provide for us
He is very affectionate
He is always a good father to my children, teaches them, laughs with them, interested in them
He never quits working on our marriage-I am not the easiest woman to live with

...just to name a few

He is still in the home, but changed alot. I miss him interrupting what ever I am doing to hold me or dance me around and sing in my ear. I miss him telling me he loves me all the time.

I miss absolutely nothing and love the children he kindly donated sperm for.

i miss her smell
i miss her little laugh
i miss holding her hand
...watching her form through the shower curtain
...jokes with her
...having her arms around my neck
...the drive on Christmas Eve before midnight Mass to look at everyone else's Christmas lights
...making Thanksgiving dinner together
...making love to her
...knowing that i was married to my best friend
...going for Chinese food together
...our little Wedding Anniversary lunch at the beach with a picnic
...doing building projects together
...driving to the "point" to watch the big ferries
...seeing her clothes on the bed
...going shopping with her
...having her drag me through every Hallmark Card store in creation
...cooking for her
...i miss cuddling with the pups and kitties in bed together

i do not miss the sucubus who has taken over her body....the girl i married is gone, gone, gone...

Tomorrow would have been our 10th wedding anniversary. This is easy; I've been thinking about him all day. I love and miss his gentle touch, his beautiful green eyes, the love and private intimacy we shared, the life we made together, our family, our home.

I miss his conversation.
His eyes, are brown, but I like them the way they are.
I miss his eagerness to seek things out.
I miss his little hints that he is wanting sex.
I miss his ability to solve problems.
I miss hearing his truck driving in the driveway.
I miss hearing the clang of change going into the pottery that holds the change out of his pocket.
I miss him asking what is for dinner.
I miss his body next to me in bed.
I miss having someone to talk to.
Yes,there is a lot I miss.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Elan:
<strong>I miss absolutely nothing and love the children he kindly donated sperm for.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I loved it! Sometimes, you really have to DIG DEEP to find something good about your ex.
My answer is
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NOTHING. Nothing at all...
No bitterness, just glad it's all over and the Lord has given me a new life, new wife, and new outlook on life - without her FOG to keep me on constant guilt trips...
I can't say I miss my kids, as she has turned them against me too. I miss who my kids USED TO be.
Harold

This may be hard to understand but it's not so much that I miss him but that I miss the ability to have memories of a decade of life and not give me a hitch in my chest and a lump in my throat. I miss my memories because due to his cruelty at the end of our marriage I've had to try very hard to forget them.

I feel very much like Nduli2. I've thought a bit about this since reading the post, and have come to basically the same conclusion. I DO miss a zillion things, but can't allow myself to think about it - it's too painful still. Too raw. Just reading everyone else's posts puts that hitch back in my chest; couldn't finish reading some of them. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Nduli & Natasha,

This thread was not intended to cause anyone pain, and if it has, I sincerely apologize.

The intent was (and still is) to get some of the focus off of the negative and onto the positive. After all, if we can't articulate and embrace the positive, what are we actually fighting for?

The answers I'm seeing here are good. Keep thinking and posting, folks!

Has

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ October 11, 2002, 09:18 AM: Message edited by: Hasatude ]</small>

Okay, I'll bite.

I miss her love.
The conversations we had.
The way she'd run her hands through my hair.
Her grabbing my belt loops, pulling me close and not letting go.
Holding her hand in church.
Holding her hand period.
Laughing and playing with her and the kids.
Her gorgeous blue eyes.
Laughing and crying together.
The complete intimacy she allowed me.
Her love for music that I hated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Soft emotional kisses.
Her wonderful body close to mine.
Going fishing with her. Yes, FISHING <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Her wonderful, always too much food, meals.
Watching her do her hair and makeup.
Helping her choose her next hair color <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Working in the yard together.
Showering with her afterward.
Her beautiful blue skimpy bikini <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
The way she looks in a dress.
Her passion.
Her family.
Hearing her say "I love you".

There are many more but someone else is enjoying these wonderful things now and I'm forging on.

I truly miss my wife.

God, please lift the fog!

I miss my H in Every way shape and form. we have been apart for a little over a week and the news about is wanting a divorce that turned to seperation has only been since 10/11/02.
I miss his blue eyes.
I miss his clean well maintained curly hair.
I miss how he always smells so good.
I miss his humor.(I remeber when I did that once)
is what he would always say.
I miss him telling me I am beautiful and that he loves me despite my flaws.
I Miss laying in bed at night with him beside me.
And i cant believe this but i miss the expression on his face when he gets totally into a football game or sporting event.
I miss making a bed on the livingroom floor and having a family campout. or just a nap all day together while the kids are away.
I miss dancing with him.
I miss singing for him.
I miss our joint showers.
I watching him with my children.
I miss his barbecuing.
I miss his hugs.
I miss his love.
all I want is to have his love back. I wish that there was some way to prove to him that i am willing to work on my faults. FINALLY!!!!!

When I speak with WW she mentions my need for sex and how selfish it was {she is right}.
Now I miss: Holding her, hugging
watching her take care of her garden.
canning what she grew. .
how she enjoyed my cooking.
the trips we took on the weekend with no real destination in mind.
Finding an unusual place on our travels.
How we both enjoyed the simplest things in life.