Well after signing the divorce papers in July, I finially got my finial decree 4 days ago (October 4th) . The EXH attorney stuck a yellow sticky on the decree stating that she was sorry for getting it to me late, but it was sitting on her desk under paper work.

Thank you very much! As I sit in limbo not knowing if I am divorced or not - ARGHHHHHHHH

I know that I am numb - numb to the fact that I wonder what the last 20 years have been all about. That a piece of paper with a signature on it can turn you life up side down.

I have been told that I need to grieve. That divorce is like a death! God, when have I had to time. I am a mom raising 3 kids, who are so angry about what has happened in their life. I have always been a mom first, and I have always put me last. You should see my closet it you don't believe me.

My EXH (gosh that is so weird to say) has chosen not to come and get the kids for visitation. The last time they spent any time with him for more that an hour was last christmas eve. Oh, don't get me wrong - he comes to the house every 2 weeks to hand deliever the child support check because he didn't want his wages garnished and he will speak with the kids for about 10 to 20 minutes (and he does this when I am not home so he doesn't have to talk with me in person).

He works about 12 miles down the road from where me and the kids live and he has to drive by our house every day to get to and from work. But he still chooses not to come and get them for a visit. He will call the kids every now and then, but they hate talking to him most of the time because he ends up cursing them. My boys are 17 and 16 and they are just plain angry. My daughter is 10, and she doesn't like talking to him because she says that he treats the boys like crap, and calls her princess. She is one smart cookie.

I don't talk ill of him in front of them, and I try real hard to make sure that they can call him anytime they want to. EXH sometimes will call me after he has talked with the boys and ask me what is wrong? HELLO JACK***, you left them, you spend no time with them and when you do, your Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde to them. But I just tell the EXH that he will need to talk to them. Or I tell him that they are angry at him. His response to me is why are they angry at me? HMMMMM- you got a new girlfriend, and destroyed the family!

At this point I can care less what he does with his personal life, but god, spend time with your kids. One day he will wake from his fog, and by that time - it will be to late. I will never tell him I told you so - because its not my place. He has to learn that one all on his own.

Now, moving on from this divorce - that is the toughest thing for me. Not that i am divorce even though it was not a good marriage and divorce is what we should of done a long time ago, it is how do I get my life back.

My circle of friends are all married. The are great wonderful people and have been really supportive of me, but I have started to take a step back from them and that bothers me. Is it because I know that they are married and I am not and can not relate to them anymore? Or is it because I am afraid to be around them because I am now single.

I have been told to find a group of single friends. Well most are a lot younger than me, and want to take me out parting? I really am not into that - thank you! That is not something I wanted to be doing at this time in my life.

I have been such a home body for years, and it is really hard to get back into the swing of things if you know what I mean. I probably should join some kind of support group, but for some reason I can't make that first move to do so.

How have some of you moved on from divorce? How have you started to heal the hurt?

Beth

P.S - thank you for letting me vent a little. It fells kind of good!

First, work on yourself. This is hard, believe me, my WH (SNL) is making this divorce difficult. He only wants a divorce, doesn't even think of me as a wife. I am working on myself, am being thrown in the ditch like yourself. There is only one direction to go. Go to counseling, do things for yourself. I get my hair done every 6 weeks now. Get yourself a new outfit, join a gym, do things that are going in the right direction. Will type more later, bye for now.

Bladybug,

know that I am numb - numb to the fact that I wonder what the last 20 years have been all about.

It's was 21 years for me & I wonder the same thing !

I am a mom raising 3 kids, who are so angry about what has happened in their life. I have always been a mom first, and I have always put me last. You should see my closet it you don't believe me.

I also have 3 kids and they do have their moments with their Dad.

At this point I can care less what he does with his personal life, but god, spend time with your kids. One day he will wake from his fog, and by that time - it will be to late.

My kids haven't seen thier Dad much either. I just don't get it.

I have been told to find a group of single friends. Well most are a lot younger than me, and want to take me out parting? I really am not into that - thank you! That is not something I wanted to be doing at this time in my life.

I am not Dv at this point, but have begun to move on. Not by dating or anything like that, but I did the same as you and distanced myself from most of my married friends.

I am 47 and there are not "singles groups", like there are for younger people. What I have done is to just put one foot in front of the other and do the kid things ( there may be other single adult parents there. Dday for me was a little over 1 year ago & I said that I would give it a year before I made any descision & am glad that I did. Fianlly, I am beginning to really enjoy myself and have fun just doing normal everyday things. I am meeting a new crowd of people and enjoying it.

A book that someone recomended on this board was Mars & Venus on a date. It was excellent and actually could even be of help to those still married.

I 'll keep you and your kids in my prayers.

God Bless,

D.