Working on the divorce settlement papers:

My stbx has asked that our 3 children spend 4 non consecutive weeks with him during each summer. I agree. He also wants to be forgiven 1 month of child support each summer......what are your opinions on this?

Well, since you will be the custodial parent and the bills to maintain the children's home will still be going on, I wouldn't agree to forgive a whole month's worth of child support, although I could see maybe a reduction for the actual weeks that he has them, considering that you won't be having to feed them and he will.

Ask your attorney about it and see what he thinks. Also, take into consideration any disparity between your incomes. If his income is a lot more than yours, it shouldn't cause him a hardship to buy extra groceries for the weeks that he has them, while it might cause you a hardship to do without the support for those weeks.

Annavon - I think if anything maybe a reduction in child support because basically that money - probably is very well helping maintain a home for him and the home doesn't stop functioning because the children are not there - the children will still need school clothes come September and I believe you will only be saving food money and spending money for them... So I wouldn't give in to easily on that - maybe a little to make him happy but not much... good luck...

I meant to say a home for them - the children - not him...Sorry

I concur.

Anyway - if you don't have the 4 weeks spelled out specifically, when would he know not to paqy the money? Would he just skip a whole month - and then what would you do? It's just opens up too many cans of worms to even go there. IMO.

K

Hi AnnaAvon,

I agree with everyone else. Just because you will not have the kids for 4 weeks, the costs of maintaining a home is not reduced.

My ex pays 12 mos. regardless of summer visitation schedule.

Hmmmm......I work in food service, so maybe if I bought him a case of pizzas and made him 12 dozen cookies to keep in the freezer, we'd be about even?

I'd like to know what other people have for child support arrangements.......do the non custodial parents pay anything besides the child support? For example, summer camp, activity fees, school clothing, school lunch fees, pool pass, etc......

I was told by my attorney that our separation agreement was "standard", and it states that besides child support, the XH will pay 1/2 of "incidentals" such as summer camp, music lessons, medical expenses, etc.

However, my X's biggest complaint after our separation was that "I was ignoring him!" and since I'm not TOO hard up for money and also mean as a snake, I refuse to ask him for anything and even turn down his offers to help out. See I figured out quickly that my X was my most expensive child! It's actually EASIER now to make ends meet!

The child support is normally the same every month, and it already assumes the non-custodial parent will actually have the children some of that time. Some guidelines figure about 30%, and the 8% your husband has during the summer is nowhere close to qualifying for a reduction in child support. How many overnights does he have outside of the summer?

In theory, he has to pay nothing beyond the child support, unless it's written into the agreement. In practice, he will need to buy the kids some clothing, toys, etc., for the time he has them. In my case, I'm paying activity fees, otherwise, there would be no activities. Knowing that's how things go, and your husband knows the same, you can expect him to resist having "estras" written into the agreement. The child support is supposed to cover that. And there is not enough money available to keep everyone at the same standard of living.

The standard support order in PA requires that I continue providing group medical insurance for everyone. My wife is responsible for their deductibles and copayments up to $250, after that we split them according to our net income shares. Post-divorce, only the kids can be on my medical insurance but I think we will follow the same rules on the deductibles.

You should simply reject the suggestion that he can skip one month's payment.

Maybe you can ask for a couple other specific big-ticket items, like summer camp. But if it gets into school lunches and stuff like that, he is more likely to resist and do you really want all that continuing contact? I mean, do you want to be sending him lunch receipts every month, haggling over how many sports they can sign up for, etc.? A couple of well-defined, once-per-year items with limited documentation requirements might work better. Like summer camp or even the pool passes.

Thanks tmmx. To be honest, I want nothing extra from him. And, I don't think he has the resources to pay much more anyway. He has bought the kids clothes a few times when they were with him (and he has great, but expensive, taste) He also buys them very expensive toys.....spent $1,000 on a go-kart for the oldest son and $185 on youngest sons birthday presents (he has a nasty habit of telling the kids how much he spends on them). I'm sure his cc bills must be horrendous.....or he's making a lot more than he used to. I have more resources asking my family and church for money to help with camp and activities, I think. But I am curious as to how other people handle these issues.

Annavon -
Our State has a worksheet and CS is figured on the precentage that the child(ren) are with each parent, what each parents income is, and who is paying for health insurance. When we figured the time spent at each parents we included 1 week during the summer at XH's. If he doesn't take him for the full week, that is his loss. We don't adjust the CS because of it.

I wrote into the parenting plan and we both agreed that he will reimburse me for 1/2 of all out of pocket medical expenses and 1/2 of all school fees (registration, pictures, graduation). I also stipulated that if I become unemployed or my employer quits paying for the health insurance that XH will pay 1/2 of the cost of the premium for the child(ren).

I don't really think the calculation is really accurate as I get $200.00 per month and I have a 16 year old boy to buy groceries for and that just covers food. Luckily I have a good and stable job so I can handle the extra's like clothes, etc.

We also stated that we would split college education costs in 1/2 as well. I got very nit picky you might say about making sure that he carried his 1/2 of the load.