For those who did phone counseling with SH (or JH), was it helpful during your divorce proceeding?

I had several sessions from 7/2001 to 2/2002, but none since. Basically I was running out the clock on plan B, until I decided to file D. I felt there was little to talk about in counseling. And money became tighter after I moved out.

But now there is more contact with WW and many issues have arisen. I am very sure there will be no reconciliation, and now I don't want it. For example, she is telling people that I'm a sociopath. And when my Mom died recently, she sent flowers and expressed regrets, but then Sunday night she more than erased all that by saying many disrespectful things about Mom. And she had called my sister on the day of the funeral, just a few hours after the burial, suggesting I make a 12-hour drive back home that evening. Complaining to my sister that she had to arrange babysitters while I was gone. So I am well and truly finished.

Mainly I need to figure out why my WW is stalling the divorce, and what to do about it. I'm considering a re-filing on fault grounds, and a post-divorce annulment. My lawyer is helpful, but not an expert on relationships. It's possible that I've already made mistakes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , and I think some professional opinion would now be worthwhile.

Do you get the impression MB counselors remain interested and helpful when the BS feels like this?

- Tom

Although I haven't counseled with them directly, since the MB counselors are truly counselors I think they'd be willing to work on the "communication issues" you stated. We were working with a counselor through the divorce, just on communication and it did help maintain our focus, and show us how to better interact. I'm sorry we've now stopped it, but I highly encourage it, especially if there are children involved.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mainly I need to figure out why my WW is stalling the divorce, and what to do about it. I'm considering a re-filing on fault grounds, and a post-divorce annulment. My lawyer is helpful, but not an expert on relationships. It's possible that I've already made mistakes , and I think some professional opinion would now be worthwhile.

Do you get the impression MB counselors remain interested and helpful when the BS feels like this?

- Tom
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why do you NEED to figure it out if you are so sure that you do not want to reconcile with her?

Something tells me that you still have love for your WW and subconciously, at least, wish for reconciliation.

I beleive that the Harley's are willing to help those folks that want to fight for their M, and drop those folks that are just wasting their time (Jen Harley allegedly dropped SNL when she saw that he was not serious in doing the work to rebuild his M with Thinker).

As far as all the mean spirited things your WW has said about you and your late mother (God rest her soul) it's to be expected from a WS because she knows that everybody is probably aware of her multiple betrayals to you, and the only way for her to get the 'bad guy' spotlight away from her is to smear you so bad that everybody will say to themselves 'Oh poor woman, no wonder she felt the need to find love somewhere else'. Some people may fall for her lies, but eventually some of those same people may change their minds after they get a chance to witness her behavior first hand. You keep being a good father and friend, and people will see what kind of person you really are, and will discard your WW and her lies. Remember that liars are not good at practicing what they preach.

Hey thanks TMCM, that was encouraging. I just have to keep plugging away.

Newly, it's kind of a communication issue, but how does that work when there is no trust? I'm trying to keep things business-like at this point, and set things up to limit our future interactions.

When you get the answer to your trust question, let me know. Our counseling broke down on that issue. H lied to me twice in one week, then wanted to set a schedule for visitation. That was the last joint counseling effort. I only hope he is still going to IC, I am.

tmmx,

If you love your w and want your m to work or even if you are not sure, I would reco counceling with the Harley's. When there is so much whirling in your head, it's at times hard to feel good about a course of action. I find that I get clarity and a direction from them. I have not had a session with Steve since he reco'd separation or Dv but would not hesitate even if Dv already.

God Bless,

D.