My stbx's mother died before i met him. His father gave him his mother's wedding ring to give to me when we were married. We've been married 12 years. Stbx's lawyer just wrote me saying that "my client would like the wedding ring back, and since it was HIS mother's, there should be no problem with this."

Well, I think after 12 years it's mine, and his mother doesn't care.
What do you think?

The ring was yours the moment he gave it to you. Unless he put some sort of condition on it in a prenup, that ring is rightfully your property.

If he and his lawyer would like it back, they can make you an offer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Annavon,

I am not sure on this one. I don't know the circumstances completely that is for sure. But I am thinking that it should probably go back to him. I am not absolte about this, but I feel that it is a family heirloom and that although he gave it to you, it was really with the thought of keeping it in HIS family. Regardless of whether he screwed up or not, I am leaning toward the fact that it should stay in HIS family. I don't know. 12 years is a long time but if it were the same thing for a ring I gave my wife, I think I would like it returned. And even though it IS yours probably by all rights, I think that it is appropriate for him to have it returned.

This is a very vague opinion so just take it as such. But I am a very sentimental kind of guy, and the thought of my ex wife tearing a family heirloom down and turning it into a broach or something would really tear me up. I think that you could get a lot of milage out of this if you handle it right. It will probably make your future relationship with him, no matter how trivial, much better. I know that i would hold it against you for ever if it were me and I was a nutcase like your husband.

Just thinking out loud. sometimes it is better to do the wrong or not so right thing in order to ensure a better future for you and yours.

Annavon,

I don't know, this is pretty sticky...I think yes,
it is yours by all rights, and if you have any kids you may suggest that you will give it to one of them...that way it will keep it in 'his' family..

I know if either of my brothers would have given their wives a wedding ring that was my deceased mothers I'd want it returned to someone in the family..or at least agree to give it to their daughter when she became a certain age..to be given to her daughter and so forth..

Look at it this way, if it were YOUR mothers wedding ring and one of your brothers were to give it to their wife, and they divorced how would it make you as the daughter feel?

Like I said, I'd want it to stay in my family too, even if it were to go to one of my nieces with the stipulation it be passed down to daughters or nieces to keep it in the family..

My gut feeling ... he gets the ring back, you get $XXXX (whatever the appraised value) in return.

I don't think I'd want the ring, I know I wouldn't if it were MY XMIL's!!

I do wish I'd had the chance to get XH's ring, that had been my late fathers', but he pitched it into an overgrown field!

To be honest, I'd never sell it and it has no sentimental value to me......but I value family heirlooms. Princess B, I like your suggestion best.... he has been quibbling over a credit card bill that I don't feel is my responsibility to pay, but he does. It is $1800, the ring is appraised at $2,000. So I told my lawyer to let him know I would be happy to return the ring.... after the divorce papers are signed and he agrees I have no responsibility for the credit card bill. Sound fair?

Anna, that sounds like a fair deal to me, but just a word of caution: If the credit card with the $1800 balance is in both your names, make sure that it is both paid off and cancelled before you give him the ring.

The credit card companies don't care if you have an agreement that he is supposed to pay the bill, and will come after you if he doesn't pay it.

thanks....the card is in his name only, but I used it to buy things for the children when he blew all his paycheck maxxed out his other cards and I had no other resources......and since he refuses to own his own behaviour in poor money management, he wants me to pay it. At the time, I had no credit cards of my own. I was, however, paying the bill with money from my home business until we seperated in May, not that he believes me.