Well, I just got back from the bank...and my exH hasn't paid child support again after promising to do so. All my reserves are gone....I can't pay bills. He is now making a ton of money--no reason he couldn't pay us. At this moment, I hate him so much--I hope he rots in hell for everything he has done to this family.

This is the email I just sent him...what a loser....I don't know what to do anymore. I have an application with the child support services--guess I have to get busy and fill out more forms--and prove what he has and hasn't done again. I am SO sick of living like this--WS with kids, deserve to be flogged for the mess they create. I am SICK of it. Sorry for the vent....I keep think I am doing better--and the floor falls out again. Thanks for listening...
I know I shouldn't have sent this...but I did....

Well, I guess your word is as it has been, not worth anything. First you tell Justin you have mailed both of your child support payments over a month ago. Now, you said you would direct deposit money, so that I could pay bills. You said you would call back Saturday at 8:00 to get the information. The kids were waiting for you to call. Of course, no call. Then you have the nerve to call and want to talk to the kids at a quarter to ten Sunday evening. What are you thinking? Of course they would be in bed. When I try to give you the account numbers--you hang up on me. You had no intention of depositing money. Shame on you Jim. Don't blame the state for this--I could see for one month--but you are behind $3900 in child support alone. That doesn't include the rest you owe like health insurance, dental insurance, federal income tax refund, etc. This is ridiculous.

I am filling out a form for delinquent child support payments. It will be turned in tomorrow. We can't survive on my teacher's salary and 1/2 of your retirement account--but I guess in your lah-lah land that your living in--that doesn't matter. Amazing how you can abandon your family--what kind of man are you anyway? I wish I had never met you. Explain what your are doing to the kids next time you call. Explain all the creditors calling, explain why you haven't paid your part.

Keep reminding the kids that you love them...as we cancel cable, piano, riding lessons, basketball and other things. Explain to Mandy why she had to give me all of her savings this month to attempt to pay some bills. What an incredibly selfish man you are. Thanks Jim. Glad you are enjoying your life.

Oh MisMiss,
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. These types of men and fathers give us all a bad name. I wish there was something that I could do. I think that we as a country really need to revamp the support laws to garnish only. I think that is where you need to go with this. So that you never have to worry about him not paying. Go after garnishment so that he never sees it and does not have any say over when and how the money is given to you.

I feel horrible. I have been paying almost double and she still feels that I don't pay enough. But my wife is just nuts. That is all there is to it. She thought that she had the kids so much more than me every week. She thought she was getting short changed, and has told everyone that she is getting shafted. Well I first of all asked her when I ever turned her down for money, or held it over her head. She couldn't come up with anything. Then I asked her to figure out how many Hours a week she has the boys more than I do. It works out that she has them for a total of about 16 - 18 hours a month more than I do. (And I typically take them for at least that on her weekends so that I can be with them.) So she is in essence making about $45 an hour for the extra time she GETS to spend with my boys. I swear, I would have them at all times if I could.

I am sorry for hijacking your post. I do know how you feel, and I also know how it feels to be almost double what is required and it "not being enough." I am sorry that more men can't take their responsibility seriously. I tell you that I would take him apart if I knew him. This is just ridiculous.

Go for garnishment right now. Don't take anymore crap from him. And don't let him tell you a sob story. It makes no difference, he is supposed to pay it, so having it garnished should make no difference to him. Kind of like direct deposit.

Take care. Love your children with all your heart.

MisMiss,

So sorry to hear of your hardship! It's hard to comprehend how parents can be so callous towards their children's welfare. In ALL respects. I have no advice for you, but wanted to let you know I care, and will pray lots for you, to find a way to pay the bills, and to ask God to heal the hurt of the neglect and disrespect of your XH actions, or non-actions. I agree with the previous post as well; try to go for the garnishing of the wages. That would eliminate some of the contact between the two of you as well. Take care, and look to God.

U R doing the right thing. I am so sorry you and the kids are being put through this. But my WH is not at all paying what the attorneys think he should and we found out he hasn't filed income tax for two years (was a stay at home mom before and he told me the accountant did all of it). So he has tried to base his alimony/child support on what he made THREE years ago, which is maybe half of what he makes now.

Do what you have to do. He is going to crash and burn one day and wonder what happened to his lovely wife and family? Is your state a fault state? The courts here would love him, hence why Austin wants to settle outta court. My attorneys say that I should not have to work based on what he SHOULD be paying me. It is amazing. They sin and they think they should let us carry the cross for them forever. Not.

Thanks Formally Confused and Natasha,

I do have applications to get garnishment...there is no reason he shouldn't be paying the child support. He is just too busy now with his new flight attendant bimbo to have any concern with his family. I can't believe I loved and supported that man for 25 years. I can't tell you how sick I am of this whole mess.

This is a man who used to be a respected B2 pilot. What a jerk. There are no words to describe how I feel about him right now. The sound of his voice disgusts me. Don't have to listen to it much tho-he very rarely calls. He hasn't seen the kids since before school started--how is that for a loving father?

I have the kids all the time, work full time and do all of their activities. He seems to get away with anything and everything. I think our society is really sick. How do we allow this to occur? How can he get away with stuff like he has been pulling for the last 2 years? Will he ever get what he deserves? I am so sick of this man---why do nice things happen to great people and this man is allowed to seriously affect 5 people who were supposed to mean the world to him and he gets to move merrily on with his life. I usually don't get this upset--but I am really angry at this mess tonight. I am venting again.....I think I am just tired--too much to do and too little sleep. My nerves are a little bit on edge. I wish I had an answer. I have been praying for one. We need a miracle. Pat

Pat,

So sorry,

go for garnishment

if he loves his kids so much why hasn't he seen them since school started, school started in aug.

thinking of you

hey, I finally got a job, I'm doing HS content mastery, of course I need to pass the certification test, as I am just Social studies but that is over half our business

but one of my co workers X just got jailed for owing back child support, he has been there almost a week

hoping something comes through for you soon

I wish I could say more right now....but please know that I am praying for you....

c++

((((((((((((((MM))))))))))))))))

Vent on!

I too am sooooooo sorry for this.

$3900 is too much to have not paid - I know because my Ex has not paid medical, dental and a month of support - why do they do this?

I wish I had answers - but then, would the answers really matter?

Know that you are loved and supported by everyone here and that you will be in my prayers.

Maybe if his feet are held to the fire now, the courts or even you may insist upon garnishing his wages and then you won't have to worry.

And while he hasn't been the model father - there will be other good male role models for the children, who you would rather have them model. The books say as long as there is a good male role model - even if it's not the dad - the kids will be fine.

We are going to make it! You have not come this far to stay down for too long. Your kids will learn valuable lessons from this starting with how strong and wonderful a mother they have.

It's a symptom of the disease of the A - the total lack of responsibility and empathy for the kids. I wish it weren't so.

Continue to hang in there. K

Pat, I'm so sorry for your heartache and worry in having to deal with the financial problems on top of the divorce.

My D is hauling her ex to court on the 25th for back child support. This happens about once a year. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> He's been locked up twice for non-payment. The first time, his girlfriend bailed him out to the tune of $7,000. Last November, the judge had him arrested right in the courtroom for not paying his child support, and he spent nearly 2 months in jail before his mom got the money to get him out.

My daughter is using her own lawyer to go after her ex. CHS-Child Support here has a 2-year backlog, so they say. Her lawyer fees and court costs are assessed to her ex. Now, is he stupid or what? Every time she takes him back to court, he has another $600-700 to pay!

And, oh yeah, his pay is supposed to be garnished, but he's been doing stuff like working for cash money, etc. However, he's working at a factory now, and they are in trouble with DHS for not reporting their new hires to the state (for child support enforcement). That's why his wages haven't been garnished.

Anyway, if your legal fees and court costs can be assessed to him, it might be faster to use your own attorney. Also, since he is making "tons of money" now, maybe you should go after an increase while you're at it.

((((((Pat))))))

Thanks everyone.
I will post more tomorrow...I am going to try to get to bed tonight. On days like this, I just get so emotionally down....I could cry at the drop of a hat.

I just knew that today he would have made a direct deposit like he said he would...it was so disappointing to find out at the bank that he hadn't done it.

I guess the hurt of all of this hasn't gone away yet. And I am tired.

I also found out tonight that the guy I have been seeing--the one that has been so great over the last six months or so--is being called up to active duty. They wanted him to leave on Saturday, but he is trying to get it delayed until the 1st of Nov. He will be gone for about 4 months unless something heats up in Iraq. Then who knows. The kids and I are really going to miss him. I am dreading it.

Life looks kinda bleak tonight once again....tomorrow has got to be better.

Thank you all for writing...I always know I can get great support here--thank you all for being there for me.

Sing, I am so happy about your job. GIIC--I am sorry you sound like you are in the same boat with your H....what could possibly cause them to act like this--what happened to their conscience?

Notpeachyinga--thanks for your post. We used to live in Warner Robins when we first got married--loved it there. Sorry you are going through this too.

C++, thank you so much....I can definitely use all the prayers right now. I feel like I am loosing my strength.

Lady Clueless, thanks for the hugs and the info. I am going to call my lawyer back again tomorrow. This is getting ridiculous. I am so tired of it. Thanks again....Pat

Pat,

I hope today was better.

Dear Sing,
Thanks for the inquiry. Yep reality and what matters and what doesn't hit again today full force. After me feeling so sorry for myself yesterday--I awoke this morning to the news that a friend of our family's daughter was killed in a car accident last evening.

She is a twin and her twin and another friend were in the car also. They were speeding on a dirt road, lost control of the car and she was thrown out and killed.

Makes me feel pretty dumb about feeling so bad about finances yesterday....at least I have all 4 of my kids--and so far everyone is healthy. Thank you God for these blessings. The rest will eventually fall into place.

Please keep this family in your prayers--it is going to be hard. The other twin is in the hospital....and so is the friend. How heartbreaking--really helped me get my priorities right again. Thanks again for the inquiry Sing. I need to go make cookies for my son's ninth birthday--gosh, how time flies!!!!! Pat

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Formerly Confused:
<strong>Oh MisMiss,

Go for garnishment right now. Don't take anymore crap from him. And don't let him tell you a sob story. It makes no difference, he is supposed to pay it, so having it garnished should make no difference to him. Kind of like direct deposit.

Take care. Love your children with all your heart.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I totally agree - go for the Garnishment - he can't fight that one! I'm an Obligor Parent with ex-wife and kidz in Alaska - I live in Texas now. File for Child Support Enforcement Services - or whatever it's called, but it should be Child Support Enforcement. Also, check out www.childsupport.com I think that's the right one. Or go to Google.com and search for Child Support Enforcement - you'll have a ton of sites. Go to the one for your State. Also, visit the US Government site - the Feds make the Regulations and the States follow their Guidelines. Hope this helps.
God bless and good luck. Harold

OOPSIE, almost forgot to add this note: Let your ex try and fight Garnishment - he can't, and he must comply with the CSED (who works hand-in-hand with the Divorce/Civil Court). They will demand an Income Statement, Bank Statement, and other financial records from him - he must comply with them and NO judge in the land will let him off the hook! Then they will begin Garnishment against him, they will know who his employer is, etc. It's just like Tax Witholding - and it works! You won't be sorry you went for it.
Harold

Hi MissMiss,

I second the Garnishement. And don't let him sweet talk you into cancelling it. My sister did that, and received her CS sporadically. For about two years I have been nagging her to have the county take it. I even paid her the money for the fees. I wonder if one of the kids tipped him off, he has been paying her and is working two jobs to get her caught up, (he says)

When my H and I split the first time about 7 years ago, the first thing I did was contact the county (we were not married then). I knew he would tell me he would pay me, but I also knew that his love of spending on himself far outweighed his sense of obligation to his children. (We fought about money, and it got worse when he found a new girlfriend one month before the wedding). So, you can bet your baby booties I had the county garnish his check. When he found out how much he had to pay, he tried to get me to take it out of the counties hands and to pay me himself and for me to take less.

Even though I know there are some really good dads out there who pay their support faithfully, the ones who don't are the reason why I think all support should be garnished. That way the children are covered from the start. (I apologize to you good dad's out there)