OK, alot of you know this situation. Separated 5 weeks wife filed 4 weeks ago. 2 1/2 year old daughter.

She has been obsessed with internet dating. She is in a fog and trying to attach to anyone that says nice things to her. I love her and am STANDING. There is a protection order and I think there is a strong possibilty that she will keep it in affect until end of divorce (no talking or seeing) I am making the changes. Permanant changes.

She is still so bitter. Angry at me. I'm the enemy. She knows one of her internet men for 3 weeks and she is telling him he's sexy and calling him baby and honey??? She never called me those things.

4 weeks ago I bought her a new cd (her music taste) I put it in my daughters diaper bag with a note "saw this and thought you'd enjoy it...love alan" It never was sent back and she never said anything about it.

Last week I had my daughter. When I sent her back I put a bag of W's favorite gourmet coffee with an envelope attached with $100 in cash (not court ordered) I wrote a note that said "buy something for yourself, you deserve it".

These are the nice things i did before. This last 1 1/2 years have been up and down and she has given given given and I haven't. I know now what I can do......but she says IT'S TOO LATE. Married 3 years together 6 1/2.

Any ideas on what to do next? Anything or nothing? Or am I wasting my time. I don't think she will change mind. Very money money money. Shes mad when we split I took half the bank account and my clothes. She has the house. She was going to go to the bank and drain it. I got there first thanks to internet banking. Anyway she was planning her escape so I don't feel as sorry. She still has money to go to concerts with i-net guys.

I will continue to try, even if I might be wasting my time.......by the way coffee and money didnt come back! Nothing said. Do these little things work? We are coming into the winter (she is self employed) She will have 4 months with no business income. 2 rents 2 utilities 3 phone 2 internet biils cell phone insurances and much more. Will this have any bearing on her working on the relationship? My family is from here. She has only been here 4 years and her family lives 4 hours away. She also has no support people or friends. I'm worried she'll take our daughter. She is isolated and seeking relationships on the internet. She is a WAW and read the article in Divorce Busting. She laughed like it was a joke and not her. IT IS. SHE FITS IT TO A T. She might think she's not since I left the house.....like I had a choice.....she went to the courts.......I'm improving myself with counseling and more.

Anyway sorry to get off track. Again, Any ideas on little romantic stuff to do that she might appreciate? Do I mention I love you anymore or is this off limits to her right now?

I saw where you can order a poem in a bottle and send it "Message in a bottle" Very nice. She would like it before separation.......what do you think ......maybe a month down the road? With a letter that is not about love, but maybe friendship, admiration or missing her? Tell me right or wrong?

Al

You have got to pull back waaaay bigtime here. She already thinks you are smothering her. Read LMBT by Dobson. Gives a very good pictorial description of what happens when one side begs, pleads, gives too much affection. You need to back off for a while.

Get some phone counseling w/the Harleys here. We know you love her. She probably does too but has some serious issues. Including her BF that you spoke of.

Like I recently heard, "If your life isn't working the way it is, change it. If your outcome is the same and you want another outcome, you'd better change it." The same ol same ol isn't going to get it my friend. Be proactive and work on YOU. Give her space. Lots of space right now. Get some good MB counseling and like a fine wine, some of us need alot of breathing room. In plan A, you work on you. Don't focus on her or the BF. Just focus on you and self improvements now. Unless SHE WANTS TO COME AROUND AGAIN SHE WILL NOT EVER GET TO SEE THESE GREAT CHANGES AND IMPROVEMENTS IN YOUR LIFE. To get her to come around again, you must back off. Really back off.

Sit back and be gentle and nice. No lovebusting, and forget about the little gifts. If anything, just put a wild flower in the bag, or something on that order. Buying a CD is nice, but forget the extra $. At this point she doesn't care, doesn't want the gifts, she just wants time to be her. You could ask her if there is anything she needs fixing in the house. If she would like this Satruday to do whatever she wants, that you would be willing to watch your daughter. Just things that will make her life easier and she will see the changes.

Don't overpower her with cards, gifts, she will feel overwhelmed.

Ok Thanks.........read new post! Good news.