I am angry----need to vent: I have posted for over a year on General Questions and tried to work on rebuilding my M until my H admitted to be unwilling to make any changes. There is still involvement with OW but I do not know to what degree. They see each other at work daily. I never know where he is when he works late, or goes to his friends, or goes to the store. He also drinks to take the edge off of life and that is how he deals with stress.

I have spent the last 5 months (after he moved back in May)in total turmoil trying to make a decision to end the misery of living with a man who does not want to be married. He is not covertly mean or abusive but rather indifferent and emotionally distance. I have had to get to the place where I can walk away from all that I love (my H, my home, my kitties, my finanial security, my sense of family etc) because he is unwilling to make any decisions. He wants to co-exist for financial reasons. I said I cannot live like that.

Well----he received the separation agreement today and he thinks I am taking everything from him cause I am asking for my portion of the house, $250 a month to live on and his life insurance to ensure that I get my total maintenance til I am 65 if he dies before that. He thinks I should be happy to just walk away with $50,000 for our home and that is it.

His A has ripped my whole life to shreds and I think, this is the most hurtful thing a person can do to another and he thinks that getting my portion of the house is far than enough. He thinks that what I want for the house is out there, too.

I am not a good fighter. I am weary. I can't stay living with him anymore so I hope I do not have to go into fight mode. I do not want to make his life hard and I have been struggling with the financial crisis he will be in BUT I am also going to live on a shoe string so there is no winners in infidelity and divorce. I feel I am giving up so much going and I am entitled to be taken care of. My emotional health will be severely effected if I stay here too much longer. I want a life.

Well---I had hoped this would be easy but I was just kidding myself. Thanks for listening and if anyone had some similar experiences, I would love to hear them.

TW

33 Years... I wonder and always do... How proud I am of silver and definately golden anniversaries.
I am only going thru seperation after 5 years of marriage {been together 11 years} and feel the pain of what we had in the little time compared to yours.
You know their tendencies and how they feel with you when they are sad, happy, angry ,whatever. Then one day they tell you someone knows how to respond to them better and meet their emotional needs,
You had strenghth to get to 33 years together. I am so sorry for your pain right now and confusion and wondering how to fix it. This world of ours is trying to be fill with evilness as we see in the newss everyday.
I am not a church person but I and many on this site believe in him. Its his will against evils in this life we live. I by every sence am still hurting, still married after her leaving 9*28*01 and wondering what is GOD'S plan. I pray for you and hope you become strong again

Seperated 9*28*01
WW 30 BH 39 OM 42{Mutual Friend of 6 yrs}
OM is still in process of divorcing his wife of 22 years}
That was his line to start reeling my wife in which led to her confidence about our crappy mariage.
She filed 6*25*02 and recently moved dismissal date another month. Supposed to be divorced by now.
We are divorcing Pro SE and amicably??????

Wow. 33 years. I can't say I am in a similar situation because the length is nowhere near but my H was the same in a way. Just emotionally distant and removed after he moved back in. I finally confrnoted him and asked him if we was just marking time until we sold our house so he had more financial stability to leave and he admitted that he was so I told him it was better to go now instead of keeping me thinking we had a marriage and playing with my emotions. Now he has since gone back to OW, who also works at the same place, so it is somewhat similar.

I just came to a realization finally that there was no way I could force him to be a part of the marriage and it was only sucking away my life so that is why I let go. I too have felt torn by making financial demands but I have been reminded by friends and family that I did not ask for this. He was that one who had the A and even after I took him back and forgave him he still chose not to put forth himself to work on things so why should *I* be the one to suffer financially?

The first steps are always the hardest. It gets easier as time goes on, you'll swing back but each swing will be less. Hang on tight and you'll make it. There is no way to control what they do.

Hopeless in AZ